An Irritant Conversation

Lot of People get on my nerves most of the time , and as much as i try to live with it internally i start feeling crappy to put up with such.
Yet I guess I have something irritatingly  wrong about me or the way I express myself that i get surrounded or form acquaintance with just the same kind.

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lh: so wats up

1:06 PM me: nothing monday is v tiresome
  hate to come to office
  as usual
   
1:13 PM lh: why u hate coming to office

1:14 PM we get an oppurtunity to work thats really gud thing

1:15 PM me: oh well

lh: remember the day when u strugle for job

 me: its not the job
 i hate

lh: work comes out of job

me: anyways i guess our philosophies are diff

lh: its not philosophy

1:17 PM i think u donno the exact meaning of philosophy

 me: may b

lh: its some thing like being practicle
  all time not to expect to have gud work to do
1:18 PM many a times people may not get the work which they are intrested

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This is  a conversation with a chap I never met but simply came to know online
because he was a friends friend and had put in a referral at one of the organization i had gone to while looking for a
job change. Since then i get a casual hi  and hello on chat and I invariably respond with casual banter for the sake of not
being mean.
But when they start lecturing you it gets to you.
This is the reason i never ask of people even little things(in fact little things esp ) , I just hate it when they do these
things as a favor and then consciously or unconsciously expect you to be grateful .


Now if this person was really open about discussing philosophies or stuff ideally
, and I  believed he was some one you could have a serious debate with  i could have finished off the thing using the very same arguments advanced here. I mean if i am being lectured about the sanctity of work I just can throw it in his face what the
heck are you doing buzzing me when you can work , and let me work too.

And just because I was jobless once is no reason for me to feel ultra grateful about any organization/ person who
gives me a job. It was not a favor. I earned it all by myself  convincing i could be useful and they will not hesitate to throw me out if I am not useful. This whole attitude of being servilient when preached irritates me.

 I know it feels good to act like the know it all and lecture about philosophy but it is when i hear such stuff from  people i have not much opinion of , I kind of  get hugely pissed off.

Then again its also in the way its said i guess. I mean that patronizing tone as if you are oh so mature and you are teaching kids about life and philosophy.

or May be its my problem that I project such foolishness and stupidity?
or May be as usual I am too sensitive about any criticism of such kind .( On a quick think no i am clear here - it isn't criticism I dislike , it is criticism from people i do not believe have a standing to criticize me)
In fact it is what reminds me of that telling line from a classic book (beyond me why its a classic ,I did  not get it honestly  .)
Its a line I remind myself always since i myself have a tendency to be critical.

"Whenever you feel like criticizing any one," he told me, "just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had."

P.S: I am horribly nitpicking at spellingmistakes...even in such a irritating mood I see the spelling mistakes in that conversation. Even when I relook at my previous posts and i see typos they pinch me. Donno why i see them. May be I should have been a proof reader in my previous birth .

What If

What if its beyond you to get what you want
What if there is nothing else much that you have been able to want
What if you could exist without wanting
What if such existence was a choice
Would one want to exist such?

As i Enjoyed Jaane Tu ya Jaane Na

This is what you do when everything in life is horrid and you feel doomed....Escape
and what better place than Bollywood.


It somehow seemed so long since we had a pure college romance in Bollywood after Kuch Kuch Hota hai. There was Dil Chahta hai

but it wasn't standard bollywood fare.In fact even KKHH is not standard Bollywood stuff. The last i can remember was Jo Jeeta

Wohi Sikander in school and those were heady days of college romance for Bollywood , till Shahrukh and Aditya Chopra roped in the family romances.

So it was with that thought that i walked in into Jaane Tu ya Jaane na.The best part is there's absolutely no curiosity about the story and yet you go to watch it to see it in a different view.
As long as you watch the movie its good fun.
You like the simple characters , and esp the banter all around .Naseer and Ratna pathak are great joy throughout.Genelia's

pretty as ever and thr group has enough bonhomie.
Smita patils's son acts pretty fine but he might be cast into villianous stuff in mainstram cinema due to his looks which would be a pity.
No foreign locations no designer looks just the lyrics and the actors and yet it makes you like the movie. But the problem is there was something lacking . I am yet to put a finger on it but when you dont hold any experience of the movie once you are back on the street something must be missing.

Of course they irritated me for a second by screaming out one of my evergreen favorite songs "Tera mujhse hai pehle ka naata koi" (Oh those vividh bharti days)but thank god they did not make a alternate title track and ruin it.

There was something of a 70mm experience missing for me. Dont know if it was because its been a decade since i am out of college or because of my cynicism(I dont usually switch it on for Bollywood unless there's overacting or over sermonizing). A feel good movie , unless you do not think about watching it again invariably has missed out on something.Its far far better than anything we have on around currently but yet you remember times when you liked a movie and you wanted to watch it all over again and for a few minutes and sometimes a few hours after the movie is over you enjoy it in your mind.

For one the songs were not used well esp the picturization and the second half needed a song more.Bollywood is never and experience without its songs.

P.S:

Well for now whats on my mind is the trailer of Bachna Ae haseeno and its partly its song and partly the well crafted picturization of the sneak preview. Its been a sooo long since i bothered to relook a trailer.
What the movie will be or how it will be is not of interest its the awesome pure stupid aura it creates since you had that Kaho na pyaar hai, never found anything else as much to bother about.Ranbir Kapoor suits that song damn well and some of the shots i am sure will have the young girls quite swooning like we loved the shahrukh scenes in DDLJ where he waves to Kajol and all and
my sister and her friends even have postcards. Oh those days.....sigh.
Of course its the song...Hmm RDBurman Rocks any day.
For all of Rehman's raving fans i can just say well that is a classic.
Aditi song is good lovely but people have a tendency as i said before to use great too easily. One needs to get the difference.

And even if its the other way around using Mark twain's words i can say Rehman may be exotic wine but our old songs are water and fortunately everybody drinks water.
Even if its a remix, Ive never been able to get it off my lips for a week and its stupid of
the filmmakers to release the second slow song when the first one seems to keep the thing so awesome.

Becoming Rude

On hindsight i think for a person who's quite shy with new people i am very rude too .
But as much as i try to be patient if not nice,  its tough for me to be  saccharine.
It occured today too , in fact it seems like this whole week was the same in a way.
The problem stems from my inability to be diplomatic where i and my beliefs are strongly involved and my absolute lack of self control  over my facial expressions when angry.

There's A in my team who too joined almost at the same time as me. The guy used to be some sort of a technical manager onsite and now we are all back to working rather than managing. As much as i try to be quiet and let things pass it becomes a tedious life .

Unlike others , esp chirpy young girls who usually get awed by a US returned or talk of US i do not and rather  get bored hearing of the rides there, of the food there and all the trappings. In fact i just have the same old problem of never being over eager to know about  what your colleague was upto  or is daily upto except may be the work (If i consider the person a friend or truly look up to them its different, i love to hear all but such people are far and few)  .Thing is thats all the chap talks about apart from work - how much US people liked him , how good it was there
 and how much fun he had.
Such  conversation is pretty straining to me even though i personally agree with the universal notion that he is a simpleton and too sweet spoken .
Problem is i it gets to me that….. being sugary though you arent as happy or amused really.

Even talk about  work ends abruptly like this because our attitudes are different. He asks questions about something i ve worked on and expects one to have a one shot answer and i am a person who likes to search analyze and answer since i have a severe shortage of memory in my head,
 i do not and cannot rattle off Java methods. I rather happily look into the API and am very  quick to underastand it use it and forget it.
All i remember is the keyword and that its there in the API.

I try and i try to be helpful(after all you dont want to be at loggerheads with your only team mate considering the third chap in the team struts as a senior ) despite some irritating acting smart questions, cant see why cant he google them up if he's so dissastisfied but i have my limitations.
In such a scenario when you raise  points about what i beleive in strongly  i do dish it out scathingly.

A: (In Jest …thats how it starts)You come in so late , do you think if you were in your prev comp it would have been fine

Me: I was the same there too and they tolerated me because when they raised the point i ensured that i come at 9:30 and leave at 6:30 which ended up being a loss to them.
 You walkin and play TT for 2 hrs and i just walkin a hour late. Whats the use of being in office to count hours .

A: Its not the same .you see i believe all must come at 9:30 because when themanager is in all the people should be around and one must stay
till the work is complete(of course thing being his managing hangover). If i was themanager i would never tolerate people coming at 10:30 or 11.

Me: If you were the manager i would never join your project.

A: Hmm well yeah that is a different thing

Me: You count  hours present and not amount of work. Well that does not cut with me . I will not stay in such a place  where they count hours spent  and not work done. I will come at 9:30 and stay till 9 , and yet wont do much is that ok with you? ( I delivered it in such a scathing tone that reflected my prime irritation with such ideologies )

A: Hmm see thats not the thing. chalo chodo. (Poor guy this is what happens when you have only one gal in the team and she is so scathing and upfront instead of being the nice oh so amazed…tell me i will learn kind of thing).

He turned back to work at his laptop and did not talk for nearly 2 hrs and i felt remorse at expressing my beliefs so clearly esp since the chap is a jolly kind of fellow
 and every one likes him a lot.But my patience was used up a lot when i was young and here i am old and impatient and i cannot humor people much.

The other incident was like a comedy of errors straight out of Shakespeare.
I have been particulary upset at my work environment due to various reasons particulary lack of clarity and decision making .
In one such a time i happened to be in a classroom where my manager uttered "May be it was my fault or may be it was yamini's fault" in a very confusing context.
This triggered off all my pent up frustration in this place and i stormed out of the room requesting a one on one.Everyone almost thought i would hand in my papers i looked so upset.
 Of course after i vented how and why was i dragged into a mess i hardly am related to i was calmly clarified by the manager that he was referring to another yamini  - the one who arranged the things.

Now for once i am sorry, though i was glad to have put my all other thoughts clearly in the meeting  that i am fed up with lack of clarity , but then in an innovative environment clarity is always lacking or so it seems i am told.
Huh well so be it.
Life's being unkind all over again since last year can't help it.

Since friends are sparse , rather than cram life with just people
I long for some solitude .
I want time , some work just by myself , collaboration can wait.