Self Hate/Pity/blah blah

I hate it and i hate it big time but i did it cause there was no other way i could think to be done.....just lied about my raise....now i am no absolute truth speaking paragon but i guess in most places speaking truly gets you a good sleep...you neednt worry about the next lie.

Whenever i feel i have some great need to lie i use a "no info or confused kind" of thing rather than outright lie.But to lie about figures is bad.....there no way out damn.What do i say i did not get 5 means 8 huh.Now the real raise is known to two people whom i can call friends in an office scenario and in general to an extent....How much i trust them ....not really and if they blow it well hmm nothing will happen but i'll lose my credibilty with my peers..... all to save a sick piece of management.Its disgusting to live through it....and it affects my sleep .....a sin my life.

It more like a poem i had posted somewhere on my blogfrom "An Irish Airman forsees his death" by Yeats."
Those that I fight I do not hate
Those that I guard I do not love;"

All because i started off on the wrong foot in my career.As i was drowning in self pity and also pepping myself up i mused sometimes people can be really cruel.
A colleague of mine had a break in her career after marriage and hence resumed her career as a fresher.Hence pay is less.Now while introducing her in the team after the general stuff my Sr manager ......prompted her on and on tell tell how you got in here.She was brave enough to report it and he got off with an apology but such people dont change they simply cover up tracks and wear better masks.
All this brought me on to something...there was so much about ethics hiring firing etc in the papers recently which i think is all very good but then that is if its implemented completely and thoroughly which is not the case.Equal opportunity irrespective of without regard to race, gender, age, color, ............which is hardly the truth.

May be the intentions are good but i can say surely that the way they are implemented in this country by our people are hardly close to honorable....more so in our wonderful indian companies which love to use thesame lines but alas they never hire the managers who can implement it.I dont rant about this as a employee but also because i happen to have a HR at home who gives a very pretty inside view of the HR world.
Once what was called as recommendation is now called as reference was the punchline.

Anyway may be later more i am not in a good mood at all.There was more stuff on the weekend but let it be...i am not even in a mood to write anymore.

All this after i dragged myself to the damn office thinking of the quote "Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: ''I'm with you kid. Let's go.''
Yeah we went and it sucks where i have been.