Some Readin as i was away from this world....

I ve been away from using internet for non work purposes like soo long and its been one long hellish thing getting this net connection....nearly 3 months trying to get one.... i need to write a seprate post on that later....how difficult it was to get it right in the middle of a new residential area.........anyways all wells that ended well so let that be.

Works been too hectic but then so have been other things and amazing just when you need something to relate to the perfect kind of book comes up …just like that. I am one of those who like to be drawn involuntarily to books and like that impulsive feeling I have for some books.
Well I being an absolute quotation lover always loved Nietzsche’s quotes …lot of his were my favorites … and one is the tag line of my blog…” It is hard enough…”….but never really found out much about him except that he was a philosopher and I thought he must be a fine one.
But then reading pure philosophy in these days of life after working late hours at office is close to impossible. So don’t know how but I picked up that short intro kinda books that come from pocket books.

Well and thus I read about Nietzsche and while I like some authors and like somethings about some works of some authors I rarely felt any thoughts as close to my absolute madness that goes in my mind. I mean I seem oh so sane and quiet but then every where I go there seems to be some record playing in my head …some voices …in fact these days its so horrible that even music cannot seem to drown them out.

Its a terribly bad habit this imagination of almost everything , of past…of future…..present seems to be all about that. Ive tried and have been doing my best in the past few years to live in the moment but as I often say to close friends who advise forget the past…. is it really possible. Does the past not catch up ultimately …. And cast it imminent shadow on the future …can we ever escape it….so I thought and write often ........
and the following I read in there
“To live without regrets or nostalgia for instance sounds in a way wonderful. And yet how can one not regret wasted time missed opportunities, failure as well as happiness of a kind that one can never know again.and how can one avoid in these regrets, going in for comparison and contrast the bases of evaluation”

It felt like some one put my thoughts in so prettily ages ages ago….some madman I ve been loving reading about him because my thoughts seems so well mirrored. There are no solutions …there are only question …questions that kind of revolve in the mind like on and on…..
I had written a post long ago on a question someone asked me once I had joined this job newly.That question still remains in my mind “ Why are you so disinterested….in almost everything”

I remembered that again as I read the lines ......
“But what about people who can read him with understanding but still feel that there is no special way that is theirs. It is Nietzsche’s view that they are deluding themselves in order to have an easy time of it, or that they may be right?....If the second then what he says about giving ones lifestyle is irrelevant, and one may wonder what are they supposed to do with themselves- those gifted intelligent cultivated, sensitive receptive people who have no inclination to develop a high profile because despite gifts they are essentially passive.Or is it no one is passive?”
That I have great agnostic tendencies may also be one reason for my loving his writing…..i ve always told myself in this lifetime there is no way that I can ever be an atheist……its hard to give up on a God being nonexistent when you lived more than half your life believing not by tradition but somewhere in heart…..So the only way out is just don’t care…believing that even if God does exist he doesn’t care…not anymore at least….

Then there are our festivals so many of which we hardly celebrate any more….. those temples and what not….its not whether I celebrate them today any more….its about those memories…..of those beliefs…….one never gets over childhood memories.

The book sort of focused on his life and some lines made you feel so much like when it was said
“ Writing was often like taking dictation from an internal voice “ .
Often it feels like that….probably that’s why I keep this blogI have to return the book to the library so may be I’ll note a few lines here to re read them…..
Nietzsche went mad the last decade of his short life….some fetch it too far saying it was feigned . Now in my very own style I put up my defenses coz someone may say well Nietzsche was not that pro-Women ……well who cares that world was different ……. What I like I enjoy what I don’t... to trash.

One of my colleagues during a counseling session post flunking an exam was asked who is your role model…….good thing no one did ask me such stuff anytime coz they’d get a huge dose of individuality from me……but then I guess that’s why no one asks me such questions.
I normally’d have given a long explanatory answer to such a question about why being a follower is no good and I am one of those rare strange creatures who not only have an aversion to being a follower……I hate even being a leader. … I mean I often think who wants to take up the responsibility of a a bunch of no gooders…followers. Though when you live practical life you understand why you need followers…

I mean I tell myself … some one might have designed and imagined a great beauty like the Taj but to make it real you need a whole bunch of dumb quiet followers who live everyday and work the repeated stuff everyday…….(like we poor dumb copy paste engineers do for the great profitable business visionary…hence somewhere somehow everyone is a follower…………a dumb one and loves a leader but then there are few who are unwilling followers….like me…forced by life ….most somehow are such willing followers that they amaze me….. Its like one day one of the team members was like is it a holiday tomorrow ….they should give nah kinda stuff I said well well then go and ask and the group was like you are our Sr engg nah you go and ask ..we will follow you …. Huh how ppl love to follow)
Nevertheless reading the book gave me my perfect one liner“You are rewarding a teacher poorly if you always remain a pupil”
Before posting the post to my blog the greatest question I ask myself is what should be the title ……… its so difficult….i never write coherently on a single topic. Its all so divergent and jumbled up.Well lemme put something anyways….