Reasons

After my fiasco's in the past month of useless strain and much more
everyday rigmarole at home of being good for nothing ....except hanging on with the PC

You need a reason to live....is thrown at me indirectly esp at home..... you need to be good something or at least strive relentlessly
for being that ...after all trying is what matters say people.

Ok so what you are good at is what i ask myself.....
Well ummm being good at nothing disqualifies you for life is it???

I am working for a living or to secure a living when i probably wont

even be able to do that...there's nothing i love about it.

No i never wanted to be great anything...engineer/team

member/friend/wife/mother/friend/daughter
not even a great writer if you ask me as much as i love books.

I dont want to be at the center or at the front bench anywhere
dont want to be noticed , commemded and such.
I dont want to leave any footprints on the face of this world...if

possible i want to erase mine.
I have no grand dreams....no vison of transforming this world.

And yet i live....

Sound Monstrous well almost...

A reason to live...is what i am supposed to look at

Well i've tried some but what do you do when you just don't feel like

them.
Do self hypnosis like...no i want to be great...
i will be good employee/daughter/citizen this / that...thats

ridiculous..its like the same high people i guess feel having some some

drugs....i am wonderful kind of feeling
why manipulate what you feel.....

I am what I am
Why do we need reasons.......
is whats beyond me ..........
but well so many things are way beyond me

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Anyways a beautiful line i remembered from somewhere

Mana ki is jahan ko na gulzar kar sake
Kuch khar kam to kar gaye guzre jidhar se hum

[ Accepted that i could not make this world a beatiful flower garden

but did decrease the no of thorns on the path i walked ]