Being Hopeless in General

What makes you figure out that you are hopeless in general

Something like this When I
worry and wake up hating to wake up on such a pleasant cool morning
and go to office
worry about the work to be done
worry about all stuff at office
worry about not having enough money
worry about how to invest money and save taxes
worry about missing out on books, movies etc
worry about no good job offers
worry about confusing and devils dilemma kind of job offers
worry about catching up with on all those new technologies for interviews
worry about brushing up all the past stuff you've put on resume
worry about all the nonsense they ask on seeing my resume
worry about how to deal with all this headaches at home
worry about studying to somehow pass that part time Mba exam you've
paid up stupidly for
worry about not getting enough sleep
then suddenly find a online book website and

Somehow just glance up at Pride & Prejudice and read it (a book I 've
read quite some time back , seen a movie seen serials based on it and
yet!!!!!) late into night till 2 pm.

I've given up on myself

Coincidental reminders

Read through the lovely poem below by Elizabeth browning and then i
suddenly remembered one of my favorite song by Jagjit Singh - "Pyaar
mujhse kiya tumne to kiya paaogi" from the movie Saath Saath.
(Its the only cassette which i needed to buy a second time as it was
overused before the free mp3 days. Chitra Singh is too good in Arth
and Saath Saath songs. Adore her voice somehow as much as Jagjit
Singh's....esp that Tu nahi to zindagi me song.......hmmmm)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can it be right to give what I can give?
To let thee sit beneath the fall of tears
As salt as mine, and hear the sighing years
Re-sighing on my lips renunciative
Through those infrequent smiles which fail to live
For all thy adjurations? O my fears,
That this can scarce be right! We are not peers,
So to be lovers; and I own, and grieve,
That givers of such gifts as mine are, must
Be counted with the ungenerous. Out, alas!
I will not soil thy purple with my dust,
Nor breathe my poison on thy Venice-glass,
Nor give thee any love--which were unjust.
Beloved, I only love thee! let it pass.

---elizabeth browning---
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pyar mujh se jo kiyaa tumne to kya paaogi
mere haalaat ki aandhi mein bikhar jaaogi

ranj aur dard ki basthi ka main baashinda hoon
ye to bas main hoon ke is haal mein bhi zinda hoon
khwaab kyoon dekhoon wo kal jispe main sahrminda hoon
mainjo sharminda hoon to aur tum bhi sharmaaogi

kyoon mere saath koi aur pareshaan rahe
meri duniya hai jo weeraan to weeraan rahe
zindagi ka ye safar tum pe to aasaan rahe
humsafar mujhko banaaogi to pachtaaogi

ek main kya abhi aayenge diwaane kitne
abhi goonjenge mohabbat ke taraane kitne
zindagi tumko sunaaegi fasaane kitne
kyoon samajhti ho mujhe bhool nahi paaogi

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even reminiscences can be coincidental

More thoughts ......

I've been thinking ive such smart and sweet friends always
that guys at the other end sort of hate me so  much for
being like kabab me haddi.(This seems to be  something permanent since school)
They have to be polite to me just cause i'm kind of a permanent fixture with my friends.

I noticed this today again when the guy in my team wanted to ask B with whom he loves to converse (I and B kind of hang out, bunk out and work together always)"do you pursue any artistic hobbies"...
then he asked S our most brilliant coding lady in the charming but unseen sarcasm
Do u have any artistic hobbies or just coding(What classy tone, its hard to see sarcasm there but for what do they say negativistic ppl like me)
and when she too said no then after a long pause
 he realised he forgot to ask me and asked as a formality.
I just said no and amused myself .

 

Some assumptions are so very stupid by guys
A guy in our team acted like shocked
when he learnt that both of us friends the girls in the team
were born and brought up in the cities.
Hey you people are so boring and such sort....meaning
City girls are  different/ posh or whatever and showed an example
of the gals at a  table at coffee day.
Then at times he speaks in absolute sweet humor  of how
he would only marry  a girl
from his small town and all such .
Its spoken in absolute trademark classy humor(so you can pretend its a joke if and when needed) as thats how he gets away with so much nonsense talk
(unlike others who are so very crass about such nonsensical talk).

Of course my friend not one to take anything quiet
simply rattled off the costs of that look i.e  rates at parlors and
shut him up for the moment .
Then drove the nail in the coffin by saying that first ensure
you get a decent appraisal as youd need a lot more to  take em out.

But so many guys out here at my office
dont get that the difference in that look and charm is more
middle class and upper class strata
and not city or town that it gets irritating.
They look great and even we appreciate it but what
does that have to do with being  a city girl.

And i listen on in such conversations....
how pathetic can life get.

Thoughts on just a day

 

Some people or rather a whole set of people(not talking of strangers a territory i'm off mostly and  is a different thing but friends and acquaintances)
are so much more hearty open and cheerful
, talkative and truthful when on chat than when around
I guess i should include include myself too at times on the list
though i guess its less to do with chat than
with specific people and the approach anyday
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I just dont have quick smart answers instantly
 when i do i have real sarcastic ones
But i have such smart friends ufff

I just came upset from an interview last week about
how the interviewer said why are you soo quiet types ,
u worked here studied in XX college ...why so quiet ----
and  my friend was like instant answer
 " You Shouldve said nah ....ki what do ya expect at an interview come on 
turn on the music lets dance...then he wud get the answer clear"

Another friend when i cribbed about how the chap kept asking about
did i not try going to US since i was from XXX college said
"You should've said nah....ki well i did not go , but now i want to join
your company and hope you'd fullfill my dream and send me"

I can never think of such stuff honestly.......

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When you get upset , i mean  not angry (which is common for me)kind
but almost heartbroken about money or rather not enough money
its sad real sad,
I 've been hating myself the whole day ,
it was just for an hour or so but
i just felt so pathetic ki ab tu isko leke royegi
Pathetic dear ur slipping into pathetic worlds
Get off it..Get off it
If sobbing is whats must there are better thing to sob about.

----------------------------------------

Summers almost ending the monsoons are great at the start
but winter........ummmm another year ....another insignificant year
of festivals from August and what not.

On Being .......

Instinct
Instability
Undependable
Emotional
All rolled into one and defined as unprofessionalism.....
when seen by an onlooker
Being human is a sin somehow

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

How i wish i could be positive

When all you are surrounded by are negatives

How i wish i could be positive

when a question is asked because its needed to dispel the negative

Theres some dark abyss in life

I see it again

somehow i am quite positive

about its presence

How i wish i could be negative about this

 

Cheeni Kam

 

Well it was a bad day … Friday despite watching this eminently watchable film…too much unncessary stress, we like to build it up in office these leads of ours.

Anyways since we had planned an extremely covert exercise in the old college style of bunking to go for a movie during lunch went ahead with it….and watched Cheeni kam…and came back to office and then  took up the headache. The whole experience did not even sink in.

Its a treat the first half. It is not that Amitabh romances but the difference between class and doing something that tiltillate the masses (i.e Nishabd - its stupid to assume anyone watched it to understand any emotion. The leading lady has great legs and thats pretty much the movie for a layman which implies most men??? )  is visible .

You really enjoy watching Amitabh and well Tabu is so very classy and charming.Amitabh great at romance i always say but they baked him into a angry young man

Ok well like many i am still a sucker for bit of a classy romance  and this movie has it.
 Never mind the ending scenes which are gross.
The ending where Amitabh clings to the pillar saying mujhe sexy chahiye is a perfect example of how the  best can be spoiled by one single nonsensical thing.

It could have been so better handles the second half. The way the word sexy is used …i mean heck why be gross about it.Tabu looks great and the right word would be classy all over .Its not like she aint sexy or being branded sexy is equivalent to cheap but the class of Tabu in the movie is so much more than sexy.

Well her character ah  its amazing i ever saw a character in mainstream Hindi cinema.
I mean she doesnt buckle to emotional blackmail????.
A diabetic father threatens her if she goes ahead with her marriage and she does not even budge or lie even for a moment despite the threat.
Heck even heroes are not supposed to be so stubborn in Hindi movies. The moment doctor say unki jaan khatre me hai , or mom or dad says agar ye hua to mera mara munh dekhoge it like sacrifice started.From where did this character arise?
 She stays by her fathers side but not even to humor him she budges from her standpoint. Oh welll…..movies do change …very slowly but well they do ….OOOh.

Of course apart from that most of second part is crap…even amitabh's speech to Paresh Rawal on his stupid fast is irritating. When he points that he is within societal limits …that reason is unncessary and wrong way to justify.The love or togetherness and fun should have been enough reason to justify their marriage and not the way he goes on how marrying an older man is quite with social sanction especially in these times when older women marry younger men.

But hell blink it off…especially if you love watching romance purely just as some like watching action purely go along enjoy it the first half. It a sheer treat.
 As i said in my review of Honeymoon travels our directors these days start off with lovely  ideas but then get lost in making up a marketable products
.

The past never dies

The past never dies, it is never past.
Its not like you dont try
But its easier to say let go
but does anybody let it go
After 9 years of graduating , 4.5 yrs of unemployment and 4 yrs of various jobs i still get asked the same bloody question when someone snaps to the last page at a decent interview.

Oh you are from xxx college. How come you are still here.
Why did you not go to the US. Everybody from your college does.
Well yes they all used to go to US i say.
Well they still do he says…

Heck OK yes boss they do so whats the point you think i'm too old or stupid or something fishy in my personality to be stuck here fair enough - dont want you damned job even if you want to offer.

You say why you are quiet,
why not be more more what i wonder bubbly???…happy??
Who lets you….
And anyways why be …
why cant i be myself
So i am a sullen face
fine dont like it, avoid me …dont select me for your environment.
Why rake it up.
People love to rake up the past
dig up the past
You may want to move on
but past is never past.

"The past is never dead. It's not even past."

In this irritating day there's still was place i look at and smile,it wasn't a great place there was lot of messy times, hardships and pain and stress and yet somehow you only remember the good things .
Thats a rarity in life.
It was nice walking past the place where i worked first.