To hell with All - Just Kidding

Had a real bad day yesterday capping a bad week.
Nothing new , just scraping up of old wounds, but Ive lost it and just blew it up.
I just cannot put it up any longer and its these jokes and the "Just Kidding" people who frankly inspire violence in me.
In the workplace you have to be cordial to one and all ,in the name of collaboration, and at home too you get hammered on the virtues of settling down with whatever and wherever so you find some more people to be cordial to. After all we wont last forever is the lament.

And gosh what is it that I earn given all my insecurities(even freshers get paid almost the same
these days for their freshness value, its so  low brow),  but I live among the great new Indian middle class and hence
seems almost everyone is after me - only person right now living the high brow IT dream(though deep down they have their doubts ,
 how come she's still never gone abroad.All companies send s/w engg abroad).
Of course they are just KIDDING.

What is money , after all did they not spend so much on me - i.e buying their favorite things for me .

When i proclaim that  let me live my life in peace for the few years I may live, I aks nothing from anyone - my very own who are the epitome of optimism ,and still beleive in doing or in fact planning everything in the next decade rather than now - question me ,
 "If you have no such belief in tommorow what is it that you do with your money, where and why are you stashing it ".
This from a set of people who never know or care where they blew up all they earned in three decades - to me who's earning
since just last five years.
I used to walk 3 km to save Rs 5 on my Internet expenses because the way I was handed out pennies I hated asking(now the story is we gave what you asked),
I was shut up on one occasion too many saying that I could not earn a penny so I better behave and now I am told ,
you take every little thing to heart, it was just SMALL things.
If we take what you say seriously what will it be like ? is what i am told.
Hmm well yeah - WHY DO YOU NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY IS ALL I SAY AND THINK.

Someone in the family buys a car and the whole gang and their wellwishers who visit believes since I earn enough and have a plan anyways I should buy a car - take a loan.
I blow up about taking loans and I am advised and rebuked - come on its not like you were paying it off immediately or buying it,
 just smile and say ok and forget it. Its just their way of joking and talking.

"It is your mistake surely - you are being touchy , they just expressed their know how and opinion"(uncalled for is what i can say)
Oh yeah I am being touchy.I am bloody hell am.

At the workplace people who happily had all the fun - onsite jobs , parties and a lavish lifestyle now say well we dont own a house.
 Look at you- you are single have a house and what the hell do you do with your money ,
you even stay with your parents so hardly any expenditure.Come on give a treat...he he its ok JUST KIDDING.

Oh yeah I am being touchy and stupid and have lost all my patience with people.
Point is why associate with such a hopeless touchy person, more so when she wilfully stands out of your way.
The kind of violent emotion the whole drama inspired in me , makes me realize all said and done English is never the first language.
I cannot express that well enough just wish I could as easily blog in hindi/native language.

Then there's grossness in people. R made such a cheap remark about S being no good, just because he hasn't been helpful for her
 in her career plans,such gross spite made me re-evaluate my whole association with her.
I cant handle the raw gross cheap language used. Its nothing bad may be just raw emotion on her part,pure frustration like me
 but getting so badly personal about a person for a few career issues made me feel so very uneasy. And its not like they
stop at that - she expects you to either support her or the opposite person and giving reasons.
After such stress on diplomacy you get home and what awaits you is more of the same, this time more where it hurts.

All my loving ones and caring and always well wishing for me dearies all over my home and in the world 
can you please stop KIDDING with me.
I just was not born with the mood.
You just wish humanity be damned and then say Oh was JUST KIDDING.