Being just above average
I love quite many things in life but most of them i cannot cater to as much as i want.Books are the only passion i indulge in .It is kind of my habit to relate to books.Sometimes i read even with my eyes not up to it after the terrible kind of work i haveof staring at the computer screen for hours with lenses.But they are my only escape from this world where i somehow find myself a misfit.I am not brilliant ....but the problem is i am not a fool either.Its hard being neither here nor there.
The past week has been like a harrowing time.Now that you are acheiving senoirity at job by being nearly a year old you are dumped with hopeless useless responsibilities of historical data collection.Then there huge work assigned involving staring for hours at excel data comparisons ...i'm in a mess of a job and have no way out damn it.Ive seen others do it so i feel almost as though im no good but somehow i see no sense in slogging it that way.I appreciate them but man i'm just not upto it.So i feel like some hopeless fool at times in front of people who spend so much time and effort into becoming those brilliants..spending late nights and weekends at office and working out that stuff.
My amanger simply has one line you cant say i dont have time you have to make time.helllll i'm no good i dont want to.I always remember telling my sister long back if school and all was not so targeted at jobs and so id have loved to just study literature.
I wish i was a fool a real one life would have been easier ....why did i have to be above average but not brilliant.My eyes these days feel so tired .yet on a weekend i go ahead and read a book and finish it in one shot.Why simple i just want to take my mind off this depressing place ive got into and hard to get out.I and my friend recently were deleting our IM archives and could only laugh.everyday two times at least we message each other on resigning asap.This place is so depressing ...you just have no one you feel like looking at...looking forward to(i cant beleive people call up on leave days looking forward to client responses....god thats what im such a failure.I just cant get enthusisatic when someone feeds you that line ....... its our company.its our project and so so.I see through this crap too much for my own good).They say its like a family in our company.yeah thats why its so damn boring.

Anyway met a dear friend and borrowed 'Five point someone' and finished it.Good read.All i could think of is how much i hated my Engineering college as much.It was not great like IIT but neverthless it is quite something but i did not like it.We did not see through stuff then and exams semesters assignments and travel to the end of town and all took away the best years of life and gave back nothing.

On the contrary i remember my previous bpo job with a top org with so much affection.yeah it was not a great job.....(my manager was no manager forget being a bad manager ) some even sneer at such jobs but the time i had there, the friends i made there were the best times after school which was of course the best.
Some friends make up for so much of the deficiencies of this world really.
A hopeless winter with no flowers with memories of last years loveliest garden ,spare time and now all these deadlines schedules...workplace politics..assesing oneself its not some great time im having.
Books change my mood like nothing else and so i read them with fluttering eyes sometimes.As if all this is not crazy enough i message my friend the book has been read at night 1 am and post all this on my blog.I just might get a week off year end and thats the silver lining of this year end.