In a self analysis mood
I behave sometimes so stupidly that i realise again and again that the core person never changes.
I always was a person who had a temper but people in general never attributed it to me since childhood as i had excellent control over it.But as i grew up controlling myself pretty well by the time i really needed it in this world i have used it all up.My previous job in the service sector took such a toll on my patience .
One year of a service sector job trying to be nice to some hopeless people and i lost it completely.I could be more irate than any irate customer.The good thing was it was always the work side never with my friends or such.
Later i shifted to a normal engineering job and again i am a rather calm pleasant person unless someone really gets to me.but i really have lost it how to control . there are rare moments and days i really cant put it right ...its like if i feel helpless i express it out clearly and only on the person who caused it.

I dont mind if i lose or win ...a good nights sleep cures me of so much but anything or anyone that makes me feel helpless something like which i really cannot do much about i get so worked up and react.
I hate the feeling of helplessness.Some therapies do work.Once when mom was not at home and getting up at 6 and other disturbances made me feel just like that i threw a nice coffee mug straight intothe sink and as it broke into pieces i guess it made me feel calm if not better.I could sulk a lil bit about the mug and forget it but i hate feeling helpless....id rather be sad i realised.

There was a meeting and someone had a doubt on something assigned to me to handle for the whole team.Now immediately my manager points a hand to me ask her?
I was simply told i would be handling this activity for the team...but no one clarifies the standards for it or whats right or wrong as they themselves are clueless.whatever is assumed is trashed in the next meeting.i really reacted this day finally like this----
"look here if i am not told what is correct do not expect me to tell someone else to do it this way.a week later you will change the rules.you do not expect me to explain the opposite again to the team.first i want to get myclarifications only then i will clarify anyone's issues."

This seems quite a reasonable explanation but the over emotional and ' im fed up kind of way' i said it in the team meeting i really wondered if i can handle myself really as n If i move up in the corporate world.my team mates were like cool it cool it.....and i took so much time to calm down the way id become emotionally so charged up about me being made a scapegoat in this useless business.
The funny part is i used to think i was could so well control my emotions.Till end of my college days people refused to beleive i could shout....(the aunty in my hostel said if you wanna hear her real voice come along when sachin's hitting those 4's and 6's.)...........well i was such a soft spoken person....now people really have to quiten me in this sh--sh--hush offices of these days .
I certainly am in no mood for a corporate weekend party...
i just want to get a 12 hour sleep but my little angelic teammates used their emotional blackmail well on me "next year tum kahan ...hum kahan" and
im like ok ok ok.
So goodbye to my sunday sleep.they find it so bad that my excuse is sleep.Sleep is so underrated....i feel bad....more on that some other time.