Random niggles of a day like everyday
I dont know...its not like i mind but sometimes when people repeat it again and againand some times with no apparent reason...it does upset you.But then again its too trifle compared to bigger headaches of life but then a problem is a problem and a niggle is a niggle.They dont go away ...they get to you differently yet surely.And little niggling things with no apparent solution sometimes get to you...............everytime i speak friends or rather colleagues r like shhhhh.....i know i have a loud voice...one reason being i do speak at a lesser volume but somehow then it becomes less audible and non-understandable.I am at my best when i am sharp ...loud and clear but in offices i guess its always shhhhhhh.Sometimes its necessary esp after that terrible incident in the lift described in previous post but using it as an excuse to say dont speak loud when i am not speaking loudly also kind of puts you off.....because its ingrained in their mind that i speak loudly .
Sometimes its amazing how hurt kind of spirals in a way.Ive seen it so many times and today it was yet again.Its at the moot no one's fault yet we both kind of felt bad.I was working on something at which V is very good.Actually she's pretty good at whatever technical she takes up...i am someone who likes to appreciate and she's really bright and helping too though a bit short tempered(a trait we share).
Ive been working on it too for some time but as i had once written a poetry my virtual memory is too low and when i am surrounded by someone who has such a sharp memory i take advantage and dont hesitate to keep asking......."whats that command"," what steps to connect to this.." .she sometimes will get angry...that i had said it nah and while she gets irritated and i know its my fault to never memorize it (so i try to make a note of it but i miss out somestuff or other...and if i remember also i doubt myself a very bad trait...i just like 2 opinions and then doing my own thing)...but in the end it never lasted the feeling of my by being scorned or her being irritated.
Today when i asked her something she was replying and then saying " If you still have a doubt...then go to the properties file.......and check there"Now when she said this our PL who passed by heard it and V being someone who joined as a young talkative fresher last year and they like to say a word or two to them just for fun(which i dont understand) said laughing as ever whats that..."if you have a doubt....only then ..... why cant you just go and show it to her it will take a minute".
I knew it instantly her thought would have been "i always help everyone here........yet he says like that".In fact she left for training in the next few minutes and then smsd me (which she rarely does) if i had given in the correct inputs for some stuff which i usually give but now she probably felt it was her responsibility so she cross checked.Hmm they are people who have so much respect for authority and position and then some who have none....and we co-exist.
It might have been nothing but i knew it at that moment she took it to heart and what she did and how she spoke the rest of the day made me feel upset whole day as much as i could see the pattern.It kind of was no one's fault and we'll get over it as ever but it makes you mull about life and and its twisted ways.
All this after a day when me n V slipped off from office(possible now as manager off to the greener shores else it'd be like impossible at our place ) to catch "Pride and Prejudice" just coz fed up of having no real work....just for three days....wonder how do benchers at some of the illustrious companies manage with months of no work???