No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become.
No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell.
There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. Or you don't.
And so I write again ,
for I looked at my blog , my older posts here and not here
and I was in a sense of wonder yesterday night.
Was it me that wrote these so passionate about the life's trivialities ?
And then I realize how life's been playing the part and well what I have become.
I did wish to write it out believing that old adage of flushing out the pain
in words but never did it work, could not just work myself up to put it words.
But today morning in Pinterest when I come across this quote I told myself may be I am coming out on the other side.
I cannot write on it - what was that blue section from 2012 to well ongoing exactly -its hazy and its all in the mind
- the fears, the pain , the regrets , the way life overwhelmed me.
They reside still in mind refuse to be tamed and I do fear I may never come out
and even if I do its on the other side.
From someone agnostic I have tend towards the beleivers , never was against it but its become more pronounced .
From someone who accorded ones own initiative a fair share for success I tend to lean more on fate's wily ways
Its not a side I was ever against but its not a side I believed I would be on
I have walked onto that path by choice only that there was no map and I ended here.
Its not that I feel wrong just that it defeated my worldview bringing me to a point where I
Amazed at my own past self , sad at what I seem to have lost
but then I guess in the end everyone is the same