The never changing Fixations....

Its been like a year now since i first finally started blogging after thinking about it since sooo long and i was juts looking back and its strange so much has changed and then so much has not changed. My blog started complaining about my managers and work and it still has not changed but what has changed is someone somewhere is also blogging or orkutting complaining about me i guess.

There was so much to write then and i guess i really loved putting it into words at the start ....now with tooo many more things on mind i never seem to get into one single track on which to write about and all my pages are like my life disorganised thoughts leading nowhere but i guess some lives are just that.

As of now after two weekends of travelling out of station and being extremely tired i found a sunday to sit at home and my net people did a great favor by disconnecting the internet ( he got an earful for that though with me being pretty upset...i mean no net for 5 days hmmm ) for the whole of the weekend hence i just write rather than browse around meaninglessly or do some useless stuff .

I was remembering what i had once wondered at a previous job when a customer had sobbed saying he had almost 20 GB of songs....we were like smirking does he ever listen to them all. Well today i seem to be in such a situation. With nearly 6 GB of songs and still downloading from here n there at every opportunity i asked myself how much am i listening to compared to those days when i used to play the Tape recorder at my bedside in the lowest volume .

I know i never read e books......as i hate reading on screen whatever can be read on paper. But with space constarints i love having ebooks as a reference when i return books to the library. And i keep searching them on orkut...esnips. But i hardly read books now as much as i used to read...for the first time i kept a book for whole of 40 days and did not turn a page and returned it. I do think i should brush up my technical stuff now that i am planning to apply wherever i can but i never do that...it took me a final interview to get to read up the geekinterview.com...though i messed up the interview at least i got started....it shook me from that lazy stupor i have fallen into.

Then as if 2 months of lull was too much i went on my shopping spree again....... As i sat down looking back i know what i was fixated on ....the village house where we stayed at........the trip to that lake was great but i can always say it was an outing but what makes me feel envy is the fact that someone has such a lovely house.......i mean it was lovely ....large pucca house double story with a huge courtyard with all kinds of trees....brinjals hanging and coconuts...there was television.....everything really and a much more servants there.

There were no cultured roses but yeah the not so looked after garden had been filled with lavender wildflowers......when i woke up at 8 in morning.My 1 mega pixel cam blurred the pic and turned them to blue flowers which hardly look as great here....By evening 5 they all close and it looks like a barren place again. As i described it to her and said it’d be lovely to be there she laughed and said as if it wont be hard.

I say why hard .......i mean i just am fed up of these small spaces...yes we live here because of amenities.......not sure what are those.........you can find much loyal and willing servants up there. She said yeah you can coz all you will do is have big room with bookshelves and a large garden and television for a change (ok she missed the computer) bas you would be happy.

We all have some fixations...If i love flowers in the garden my sister somehow says she loves a vegetable garden though she would not do anything for it she says she’d love if someone grew it. Her favorite she says is tomato plant. The way she says it in Hindi will her eyes rolling is amazing. ”Vaise lal lal fal latakte rehte hain na to lagta hai mehnat ka fal mila jaise bolte na waise mil gaya hai.” she will say. She says how much farmers must love to see their crops esp the ones with such vegetables.

So we argued and finally concluded that while living in village was hardly a cake walk but with money it would be great to have a house like that back to go back to when sick of this place , noise and traffic.

Thing is i want to go to office but i don’t want to work.....i need a break from work. Some people just are freaks. We have a small room with the coffee machine and we four girls kind of sit up on the platform and joke for 5 to 10 mins there when we trek up for coffee together. All this changed when one of the senior managers complained to our manager that this must stop as people were feeling embarrassed of coming and taking coffee when girls sat together as if in a college environment.....Hmmm

Seems like at office you should look like you are working hard and tortured not laughing or having fun and joking ...that’s what I remembered then....... lot of the people certainly have a problem if they see others laughing .....they simply don’t believe in that phrase live and let live. Neither do they live nor let others live.

Living it up ...hypocritically

We all hate hypocrisy....or so we say....and yet so much of what we do is based on that.Some times i guess we are so scared of admitting somethings that we go on lying to ourselves.

Thats why may be the anonymity of a blog helps.......a friend sent an orkut invite and hence got an orkut account finally and browsed around a bit....though my primary use is ebooks frankly....coz i dont find making friends in there any good.... i mean i find it strange what to beleive in people out there.
The strange profiles with contradictory statements...actually this i found on blogs too...so many people write such great revolutionary kind of stuff on blogs....where are they all in reality....why do you see scared....conformist people all around you while on these blogs and orkut you see all non conformists.

Its a strange contradiction i always wonder about...i thought may be i do not get along with people that much but the more i see people the more i feel we are becoming hypocrites.I mean earlier people had some sick ....traditional ways may be but that was it.....no pretences.If you are a hard core relegious person so they stated it.Now people always are politically correct....be if about their views on women, relegion, caste ,social issues.

I came across this blog
http://skuvce.blogspot.com/2006/05/caste-caste-is-one-of-great.html while just browsing and was amazed or releived that someone observed what i too observed....when i browsed orkut.
A part of that is quoted here

"The hypocrisy of the Ayn Rand toting youth is pretty evident in their obsession with Caste and Identity. While it is considered politically incorrect to inquire about someone's caste, Caste remains something very close to everyone's hearts. ......................I could sense this while surfing profiles randomly on the orkut community yesterday.

Orkut is a social networking hub which is predominantly used by Internet-savvy, twenty-somethings. Many among my own list of acquaintances describe themselves as 'Atheists', 'Agnostics' and 'Humanists' in their profiles.

Yet, you'll find the same blokes in the 'Thenkalai Iyengar' and 'Havyaka Brahmin' communities ;)Strange, but apparently our friends don't sense a contradiction.The maniacal obsession with Identity is scary.There is a community for almost everysub-caste on orkut.... Iyengar, Reddys, Iyers, Agarwals, Jats, Kauls, GSB's, Dalits...you name it."

Thats probably a very high level scenario but even in small things in life there's so much hypocrisy.The more bigger money you want to earn the more you get in multinational companies with intercaste interacial...intercultural interactions the more we develop our hypocrisises.
We smile ..... and smile..... 24x7 fall over bend backwards to please that 'gora guy' who gets you projects and then take away out hearts venom by cracking jokes behind them about them.
Its all about being politically correct not about having an opinion ....

Just keeping track of the days.....

I really wanna move out of this place i am living in soon...since we've come into this house i have been losing things regularly.....sometimes small some big.
Well last fortnight some one had cut the mosquito net set at window near my parents room.A few days later mom woke me up by vigorous shaking.....that some one had burnt a nice part of the mosquito net of the front room and my computer beside it was turned towards the window rather than the opposite way which was normal.(Thank god this happened after my Dad's visit else it would have been a locked up life.)
She found CD's strewn in front of the door and my headphones lying beside the door of the neighboring house.

Now started the discussion....what was lost ....nothing we could not remember any.....neighbours above and beside came and so all feasible stuff discussed.Since no thief would throw a headphones and go what was the objective asked neighbors.... scaring?....oh this that and what not....do you people have any enemies....Gosh we had to try hard to remember something.
It took me 4 days to realise that whoever came had stolen my Sony Walkman .......and while running the headphones must've dropped.......(such is my memory and organization of stuff).Never was anyone at home so relieved to know that it was a thief afer all....though now i have to cook up something to tell my dad as i'll get some nice dose for being careless ....blah blah...earlier it was "you ppl cannot earn a penny....now the regular stuff is just bcoz u ppl earn a bit you dont understand the value of money".........Such is the way things go on....

Whole day today busy with nearly 300 snaps by oh so many people....luckily work pressure was less....wonderful snaps of the really amazing place.

While its easy to complain about so many things as i often do on my blog when you look back you realise some good things.It was a place i could never have visited normally....i mean its pretty much a unknown place and hence sheer good fortune that i happened to be in a team that had someone with access to such a place.

Added to it one of the guys had added comments and a documentary about the trip to the snaps in the local language which was like amazing.Very few people today can honestly speak in such wonderful regional lingo.Really enjoyed it.....hard though it was for me to read and understand it.

All this seems to suspend the time somewhere looking back ....as there is oh so many other things which are at a really bad turning point.. ........ With the way thing are though i am convinced that life is all about the present moment.......somewhere again but then you feel life is and was i guess all about moments....a few which you hope for a few which you look back on.
Its something i never can be sure of which side i am on.....living for.....todays moments?....or yesterdays moments? or moments you hope would be tommorow?
As if i have less confusions i seek out more of em......

A weekend Trip

Its been sooo long i guess since i wrote but then i was like not getting the time to write when i had things to write in my mind and when i made time to write...i sort of lost the flow.....as there was nothing special..........just life and its strange ways and added to it my strange thoughts.

Well first some good stuff...i wish i would one day write a proper travel blog...........that is if i get enough time space and bucks to travel as i love to really.
So i just write as i write my woes about literally everything...............including this lovely trip last weekend we had to a small nearly not well known in the travel world kinda lake in the jungle....It was really beautiful....The way travel is commercialised....its amazing such places still remain....but it still showcases what marketing is all about.
Hmm i just had my Nokia 6670 and that definitely could not capture the lovely place from a moving bus balancing on narrow mud roads.So here is the only pics i thought was good enough....may be some more from my friends digital cam later.

Actually one of our colleagues happens to be a native of this place and hence this trip was arranged else its absolutely hard to stay in a place which is not on travel map and no guest houses or anything......
Actually one of our colleagues happens to be a native of this place and hence this trip was arranged else its absolutely hard to stay in a place which is not on travel map and no guest houses or anything......

Its a beautiful lake in the middle of a jungle over a mountain.....mud roads have just been repaired after neglect...it used to be some british place for resting while hunting ..... and lovely it was.I dont want to use the same metaphors for great , lovely again and again just sufficient to say it was very natural with absolutely no human pollution visible.
A cool lake surrounded by trees with very small pockets of sand giving it a beach like feel.

Now my woes.....

My new nokia 6670 screen got scratched badly when we were trying to get photographed while getting into the... ahem .... bullock carts for fun.

When you go to a lovely natural place you would want to sit and soak up the feel of the place...not play games and that too football/handball......but then some ppl and in our case the person who got it was a girl....what do i say.
I hate when such stuff is used for Team building.....it only ends up in Team breaking into new teams.
Some people as much as sweet they are i wish would shut up once in a while.....i really find it hard to understand whats so boring in keeping quiet for half an hour.....funnily i always surround myself with such people only....some flaw in me huh??

Why do guys drink on the sly ......cant they skip that in the pretty few rare trips that they have with their female colleagues esp when they cant hold it.....and start acting up. It was just one chap really but it irritated the hell out of all and ruined the mood. More so as he had resigned and had no fear of authority i guess so a bit too high.

Some people love to be spoilsport and suddenly put long faces...knowing well it'll affect everyone....


You go to some architectural temples and half the crowd is only interested in coconuts and the deity in the sanctum and other half in traveling to the next place.

It is fate that some one has such a wonderful and lovely large house with such expansive courtyard and such respectful village hands as we had stayed at....and what not and lives cooped up in small boxed out apartments.

Some gals were so excited at women drawing water from well...”isnt it lovely isnt it lovely” they chirp...well all i could say was...its lovely to visit and see them but hard to live with it daily. Though i adore the lovely calm...large spaces..natural surroundings...large courtyards...palm trees and all stuff of villages.....i am a little less fascinated by people there.....all that stuff of village life ....drawing water...bullocks and such. People are the same everywhere towns cities and villages...varied....but same.....manipulations...egos...powerplay,hero worship, love and hate....just the manifestations are different.

Hmm all in all it was a beautiful place though and considering the fact that i dont wish to stay here long enough for another trip with these set of people it was a good trip too.
But now that im back i have to get serious about all the issues left on the backburner.....
....i.e the politics of promotion in my office....that i guess iwll be next post....though the best way to say it was as one guy said as we entered the city and someone honked a horn bigtime....."welcome back to the town of perfect structures and honking horns."