What a wonderful Lecture
Ah there are times you read something and you feel like....
thats it.... thats what.... .
There may be many excellent words to describe that feeling
but its rare to read some stuff and this weekend i felt great
as i read it... it was sort of wonderful as i re-read it.
Its a very long speech ... So long that i copied some reallly lovely lines
of it so that to find them i the time starved person needn’t
re-read it again and again.
But may be you shoud remember it anyway i thought
if you loved it so much .....
But then what you remember is a feeling ...
.sometimes the way the feeling is
expressed is a beauty unto itself.
I have not read any of his books....but just was redirected
while browsing to this wonderful complete Speech by
The Nobel Lecture, 2006 by ORHAN PAMUK.
The last para where he talks about ‘why do you write’...loved it.
I dont know how happy at heart he may be about the prize but
when i read the last line he made me happy....
cause thats why i write this blog
“I write because I have never managed to be happy.
I write to be happy.”
For people who love reading and are not scared of
scrolling long pages,
i would say the full speech must be read.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Writer’s secret is not inspiration—for it is
never clear where that comes from—but
stubbornness, endurance
If a writer is to tell his own story—to tell it
slowly, and as if it were a story about other
people—if he is to feel the power of the story
rise up inside him, if he is to sit down at a table
and give himself over to this art, this craft,
he must first be given some hope.
Now, many years later, I understand that this
discontent is the basic trait that turns
a person into a writer.
Patience and toil are not enough: first,
we must feel compelled to escape crowds,
company, the stuff of ordinary life,
and shut ourselves up in a room.
he must have the artistry to tell his own
stories as if they were other people’s stories,
and to tell other people’s stories as if they
were his own, for that is what literature is.
our literature, our local world, in all
its beloved detail—and at the other end were
the books from this other, Western world, which
bore no resemblance to ours, a lack of resemblance
that caused us both pain and hope.
To write, to read, was like leaving one
world to find consolation in the otherness
of another, in the strange and the wondrous.
I felt that my father had read novels
in order to escape his life and flee to the
West—just as I did later.
Is happiness believing that you live a deep life
in your lonely room? Or is happiness leading a
comfortable life in society, believing in the same
things as everyone else, or, at least,
acting as if you did?
Is it happiness or unhappiness to go through life
writing in secret, while seeming to be in harmony
with all that surrounds you?
For me, to be a writer is to acknowledge the
secret wounds that we carry inside us,
wounds so secret that we ourselves are barely
aware of them, and to patiently explore them,
know them, illuminate them, own them, and make
them a conscious part of our spirit and our writing.
What literature most needs to tell and to investigate
now is humanity’s basic fears: the fear of being left
outside, the fear of counting for nothing, and the
feeling of worthlessness that comes with such
fears—the collective humiliations, vulnerabilities,
slights, grievances, sensitivities, and imagined
insults, and the nationalist boasts and inflations
that are their next of kin. . . .
Why do you write?
I write because I have an innate need to write.
I write because I can’t do normal work as other
people do. I write because I want to read books
like the ones I write.
I write because I am angry at everyone.
I write because I love sitting in a room
all day writing. I write because I can partake
of real life only by changing it.
I write because I want others, the whole world,
to know what sort of life we lived, and continue
to live, in Istanbul, in Turkey. I write because
I love the smell of paper, pen, and ink.
I write because I believe in literature,
in the art of the novel, more than I believe
in anything else.
I write because it is a habit, a passion.
I write because I am afraid of being forgotten.
I write because I like the glory and
interest that writing brings.
I write to be alone. Perhaps I write because
I hope to understand why I am so very, very
angry at everyone. I write because I like
to be read. I write because once I have begun a
novel, an essay, a page I want to finish it.
I write because everyone expects me to write.
I write because I have a childish belief in the
immortality of libraries, and in the way my books
sit on the shelf. I write because it is exciting
to turn all life’s beauties and riches into words.
I write not to tell a story but to
compose a story. I write because I wish to
escape from the foreboding that there is a place
I must go but—as in a dream—can’t quite get to.
I write because I have never managed to be happy.
I write to be happy.
Monday, December 25, 2006
The Short trip in Mid-Air
I seem to have so much on mind and yet i end up writing nothing its like too much clutter. So i thought of going back to something we used to do when in school. Write an essay about..............
So here's it....
That i went up in a flight for the first time pretty unprepared for a flight journey and with way too many other kinds of thoughts on mind is just one part of it.
The rains in Chennai kind of required me to board a flight cancelling my train....and people being being people had just one question which one are you flying....and everyone from my lead to my colleague , friends had one line to say ....when i answered Kingfisher.
"My my thats expensive ....hmmm lucky girl....we all get Spicejet"Heck it was pure chance else the travel organizer for my organization was simply unwilling to beleive that i needed a flight till she got it first hand that trains was cancelled.
Though what really is the differnce i am a bit dense up there i guess... or some day when i fly a lil bit more i may know....All i could spot the differnce was the Air Hostesses were real time eye-candy compared to the others....which explains it for some people .
Rest i honestly couldnt figure out.For me it was like Damn it who wanted to go up in the clouds real time at 5.30 in the morning when i would have happily been dreaming it up in the clouds...usually at that time.
Well finally got in and and i wondered if i'd have those flight problems people talk about. Hmm none whatesover. My permanent worry was my file containing all my certificates (all that i have earned as they say).
Finally when i started looking out of the window and slowly the scenery dissapeared and clouds enveloped all around....my thoughts were like the following.
So beautiful like somewhere near the north pole or south pole covered in snow.....Then it struck me....ah i know i am an earth person who likes being on the ground....thats why even the clouds i realte them to somewhere on ground.As much as i loved those clouds and thought them beautiful somehow they never seemed real to me.In fact next i related those real clouds funnily to the fake ones we see in movies. I was remembering those wooly wooly snowy scenes of fairies and all dream scene sets they show in movies.
Thats the irony of life i guess...reality becomes unreal.
But then as i looked on and on at them and saw the sun coming up like gold among them i realised why some people love flying so much.. i know few....why they become so dreamy when they talk about flying planes....and being up in the clouds.No ,I love my earth its lovely trees and slow breezes , but when you just stare at them and you ve known and seen people who talk of them and imagine them you realise the power, the freedom the longing that flying up there in those hazy bluish whites that some people may feel.
Me well if the take off was cool the landing was like i though i'd go deaf with the pain my ears...but i still hear .Though i hear i do not listen ... and quite some people have it figured out...it seems.... so my lead put me onto Listening Skills training. Next post may be on that.
I seem to have so much on mind and yet i end up writing nothing its like too much clutter. So i thought of going back to something we used to do when in school. Write an essay about..............
So here's it....
That i went up in a flight for the first time pretty unprepared for a flight journey and with way too many other kinds of thoughts on mind is just one part of it.
The rains in Chennai kind of required me to board a flight cancelling my train....and people being being people had just one question which one are you flying....and everyone from my lead to my colleague , friends had one line to say ....when i answered Kingfisher.
"My my thats expensive ....hmmm lucky girl....we all get Spicejet"Heck it was pure chance else the travel organizer for my organization was simply unwilling to beleive that i needed a flight till she got it first hand that trains was cancelled.
Though what really is the differnce i am a bit dense up there i guess... or some day when i fly a lil bit more i may know....All i could spot the differnce was the Air Hostesses were real time eye-candy compared to the others....which explains it for some people .
Rest i honestly couldnt figure out.For me it was like Damn it who wanted to go up in the clouds real time at 5.30 in the morning when i would have happily been dreaming it up in the clouds...usually at that time.
Well finally got in and and i wondered if i'd have those flight problems people talk about. Hmm none whatesover. My permanent worry was my file containing all my certificates (all that i have earned as they say).
Finally when i started looking out of the window and slowly the scenery dissapeared and clouds enveloped all around....my thoughts were like the following.
So beautiful like somewhere near the north pole or south pole covered in snow.....Then it struck me....ah i know i am an earth person who likes being on the ground....thats why even the clouds i realte them to somewhere on ground.As much as i loved those clouds and thought them beautiful somehow they never seemed real to me.In fact next i related those real clouds funnily to the fake ones we see in movies. I was remembering those wooly wooly snowy scenes of fairies and all dream scene sets they show in movies.
Thats the irony of life i guess...reality becomes unreal.
But then as i looked on and on at them and saw the sun coming up like gold among them i realised why some people love flying so much.. i know few....why they become so dreamy when they talk about flying planes....and being up in the clouds.No ,I love my earth its lovely trees and slow breezes , but when you just stare at them and you ve known and seen people who talk of them and imagine them you realise the power, the freedom the longing that flying up there in those hazy bluish whites that some people may feel.
Me well if the take off was cool the landing was like i though i'd go deaf with the pain my ears...but i still hear .Though i hear i do not listen ... and quite some people have it figured out...it seems.... so my lead put me onto Listening Skills training. Next post may be on that.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Some Readin as i was away from this world....
I ve been away from using internet for non work purposes like soo long and its been one long hellish thing getting this net connection....nearly 3 months trying to get one.... i need to write a seprate post on that later....how difficult it was to get it right in the middle of a new residential area.........anyways all wells that ended well so let that be.
Works been too hectic but then so have been other things and amazing just when you need something to relate to the perfect kind of book comes up …just like that. I am one of those who like to be drawn involuntarily to books and like that impulsive feeling I have for some books.
Well I being an absolute quotation lover always loved Nietzsche’s quotes …lot of his were my favorites … and one is the tag line of my blog…” It is hard enough…”….but never really found out much about him except that he was a philosopher and I thought he must be a fine one.
But then reading pure philosophy in these days of life after working late hours at office is close to impossible. So don’t know how but I picked up that short intro kinda books that come from pocket books.
Well and thus I read about Nietzsche and while I like some authors and like somethings about some works of some authors I rarely felt any thoughts as close to my absolute madness that goes in my mind. I mean I seem oh so sane and quiet but then every where I go there seems to be some record playing in my head …some voices …in fact these days its so horrible that even music cannot seem to drown them out.
Its a terribly bad habit this imagination of almost everything , of past…of future…..present seems to be all about that. Ive tried and have been doing my best in the past few years to live in the moment but as I often say to close friends who advise forget the past…. is it really possible. Does the past not catch up ultimately …. And cast it imminent shadow on the future …can we ever escape it….so I thought and write often ........
and the following I read in there
“To live without regrets or nostalgia for instance sounds in a way wonderful. And yet how can one not regret wasted time missed opportunities, failure as well as happiness of a kind that one can never know again.and how can one avoid in these regrets, going in for comparison and contrast the bases of evaluation”
It felt like some one put my thoughts in so prettily ages ages ago….some madman I ve been loving reading about him because my thoughts seems so well mirrored. There are no solutions …there are only question …questions that kind of revolve in the mind like on and on…..
I had written a post long ago on a question someone asked me once I had joined this job newly.That question still remains in my mind “ Why are you so disinterested….in almost everything”
I remembered that again as I read the lines ......
“But what about people who can read him with understanding but still feel that there is no special way that is theirs. It is Nietzsche’s view that they are deluding themselves in order to have an easy time of it, or that they may be right?....If the second then what he says about giving ones lifestyle is irrelevant, and one may wonder what are they supposed to do with themselves- those gifted intelligent cultivated, sensitive receptive people who have no inclination to develop a high profile because despite gifts they are essentially passive.Or is it no one is passive?”
That I have great agnostic tendencies may also be one reason for my loving his writing…..i ve always told myself in this lifetime there is no way that I can ever be an atheist……its hard to give up on a God being nonexistent when you lived more than half your life believing not by tradition but somewhere in heart…..So the only way out is just don’t care…believing that even if God does exist he doesn’t care…not anymore at least….
Then there are our festivals so many of which we hardly celebrate any more….. those temples and what not….its not whether I celebrate them today any more….its about those memories…..of those beliefs…….one never gets over childhood memories.
The book sort of focused on his life and some lines made you feel so much like when it was said
“ Writing was often like taking dictation from an internal voice “ .
Often it feels like that….probably that’s why I keep this blogI have to return the book to the library so may be I’ll note a few lines here to re read them…..
Nietzsche went mad the last decade of his short life….some fetch it too far saying it was feigned . Now in my very own style I put up my defenses coz someone may say well Nietzsche was not that pro-Women ……well who cares that world was different ……. What I like I enjoy what I don’t... to trash.
One of my colleagues during a counseling session post flunking an exam was asked who is your role model…….good thing no one did ask me such stuff anytime coz they’d get a huge dose of individuality from me……but then I guess that’s why no one asks me such questions.
I normally’d have given a long explanatory answer to such a question about why being a follower is no good and I am one of those rare strange creatures who not only have an aversion to being a follower……I hate even being a leader. … I mean I often think who wants to take up the responsibility of a a bunch of no gooders…followers. Though when you live practical life you understand why you need followers…
I mean I tell myself … some one might have designed and imagined a great beauty like the Taj but to make it real you need a whole bunch of dumb quiet followers who live everyday and work the repeated stuff everyday…….(like we poor dumb copy paste engineers do for the great profitable business visionary…hence somewhere somehow everyone is a follower…………a dumb one and loves a leader but then there are few who are unwilling followers….like me…forced by life ….most somehow are such willing followers that they amaze me….. Its like one day one of the team members was like is it a holiday tomorrow ….they should give nah kinda stuff I said well well then go and ask and the group was like you are our Sr engg nah you go and ask ..we will follow you …. Huh how ppl love to follow)
Nevertheless reading the book gave me my perfect one liner“You are rewarding a teacher poorly if you always remain a pupil”
Before posting the post to my blog the greatest question I ask myself is what should be the title ……… its so difficult….i never write coherently on a single topic. Its all so divergent and jumbled up.Well lemme put something anyways….
I ve been away from using internet for non work purposes like soo long and its been one long hellish thing getting this net connection....nearly 3 months trying to get one.... i need to write a seprate post on that later....how difficult it was to get it right in the middle of a new residential area.........anyways all wells that ended well so let that be.
Works been too hectic but then so have been other things and amazing just when you need something to relate to the perfect kind of book comes up …just like that. I am one of those who like to be drawn involuntarily to books and like that impulsive feeling I have for some books.
Well I being an absolute quotation lover always loved Nietzsche’s quotes …lot of his were my favorites … and one is the tag line of my blog…” It is hard enough…”….but never really found out much about him except that he was a philosopher and I thought he must be a fine one.
But then reading pure philosophy in these days of life after working late hours at office is close to impossible. So don’t know how but I picked up that short intro kinda books that come from pocket books.
Well and thus I read about Nietzsche and while I like some authors and like somethings about some works of some authors I rarely felt any thoughts as close to my absolute madness that goes in my mind. I mean I seem oh so sane and quiet but then every where I go there seems to be some record playing in my head …some voices …in fact these days its so horrible that even music cannot seem to drown them out.
Its a terribly bad habit this imagination of almost everything , of past…of future…..present seems to be all about that. Ive tried and have been doing my best in the past few years to live in the moment but as I often say to close friends who advise forget the past…. is it really possible. Does the past not catch up ultimately …. And cast it imminent shadow on the future …can we ever escape it….so I thought and write often ........
and the following I read in there
“To live without regrets or nostalgia for instance sounds in a way wonderful. And yet how can one not regret wasted time missed opportunities, failure as well as happiness of a kind that one can never know again.and how can one avoid in these regrets, going in for comparison and contrast the bases of evaluation”
It felt like some one put my thoughts in so prettily ages ages ago….some madman I ve been loving reading about him because my thoughts seems so well mirrored. There are no solutions …there are only question …questions that kind of revolve in the mind like on and on…..
I had written a post long ago on a question someone asked me once I had joined this job newly.That question still remains in my mind “ Why are you so disinterested….in almost everything”
I remembered that again as I read the lines ......
“But what about people who can read him with understanding but still feel that there is no special way that is theirs. It is Nietzsche’s view that they are deluding themselves in order to have an easy time of it, or that they may be right?....If the second then what he says about giving ones lifestyle is irrelevant, and one may wonder what are they supposed to do with themselves- those gifted intelligent cultivated, sensitive receptive people who have no inclination to develop a high profile because despite gifts they are essentially passive.Or is it no one is passive?”
That I have great agnostic tendencies may also be one reason for my loving his writing…..i ve always told myself in this lifetime there is no way that I can ever be an atheist……its hard to give up on a God being nonexistent when you lived more than half your life believing not by tradition but somewhere in heart…..So the only way out is just don’t care…believing that even if God does exist he doesn’t care…not anymore at least….
Then there are our festivals so many of which we hardly celebrate any more….. those temples and what not….its not whether I celebrate them today any more….its about those memories…..of those beliefs…….one never gets over childhood memories.
The book sort of focused on his life and some lines made you feel so much like when it was said
“ Writing was often like taking dictation from an internal voice “ .
Often it feels like that….probably that’s why I keep this blogI have to return the book to the library so may be I’ll note a few lines here to re read them…..
Nietzsche went mad the last decade of his short life….some fetch it too far saying it was feigned . Now in my very own style I put up my defenses coz someone may say well Nietzsche was not that pro-Women ……well who cares that world was different ……. What I like I enjoy what I don’t... to trash.
One of my colleagues during a counseling session post flunking an exam was asked who is your role model…….good thing no one did ask me such stuff anytime coz they’d get a huge dose of individuality from me……but then I guess that’s why no one asks me such questions.
I normally’d have given a long explanatory answer to such a question about why being a follower is no good and I am one of those rare strange creatures who not only have an aversion to being a follower……I hate even being a leader. … I mean I often think who wants to take up the responsibility of a a bunch of no gooders…followers. Though when you live practical life you understand why you need followers…
I mean I tell myself … some one might have designed and imagined a great beauty like the Taj but to make it real you need a whole bunch of dumb quiet followers who live everyday and work the repeated stuff everyday…….(like we poor dumb copy paste engineers do for the great profitable business visionary…hence somewhere somehow everyone is a follower…………a dumb one and loves a leader but then there are few who are unwilling followers….like me…forced by life ….most somehow are such willing followers that they amaze me….. Its like one day one of the team members was like is it a holiday tomorrow ….they should give nah kinda stuff I said well well then go and ask and the group was like you are our Sr engg nah you go and ask ..we will follow you …. Huh how ppl love to follow)
Nevertheless reading the book gave me my perfect one liner“You are rewarding a teacher poorly if you always remain a pupil”
Before posting the post to my blog the greatest question I ask myself is what should be the title ……… its so difficult….i never write coherently on a single topic. Its all so divergent and jumbled up.Well lemme put something anyways….
Thursday, September 28, 2006
A Break
Hmm finally i will away from this blog for some time....moving to a new house...have to get a new net connection first...will try to make it faster....and finally i will have my own room (after half a lifetime's wait....) where i can peacefully blog....hopefully!!!.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
A break
Hmm finally i will away from this blog for some time....moving to a new house...have to get a new net connection first...will try to make it faster....and finally i will have my own room (after half a lifetime's wait....) where i can peacefully blog....hopefully!!!.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Positive Attitudes eh......
Positive Attitudes eh......
In our wonderful world wherever i go i hear about life is all about attitudes and sure why not !!! and this is how wonderfully people i come across practise....thats why i'd say its all a matter of perceptions .
Positive attitude or plain shamelessness or self blindness...beyond me....
Be positive.see no evil hear no evil talk no evil....ahem i.e WITHIN YOURSELF...thats the way most people perceive it.
I probably had so much to write about this nosy neighbor of ours but found myself too lazy to write his untiring selfblinding behavior.
Here's this closer to fortyish man and wife who live in the portion attached to the portion we live in ..and hence our personal conversations are pretty much public. And yet....the chap has the temerity to talk such nonsense.
Every morning we wake up to his voice abusing his wife in the choicest of local linguistics par excellence and yet he comes here and tries to be friendly in polished english.
'You sisters dont talk at all....one should be friendly...come to my home for dinner"...yeah yeah...my sis chuckles we know how much dinner gets cooked for you and you wanna invite us...
"he keeps shrieking into his phone about alliances for his friends who want an educated housewife...we have enough god given...we dont want a working woman...woman these days have become so arrogant...all these working women...dont want to take care of homes"
After all this his statements to us "you see i like to be friends with everyone especially i like women a lot"......hoooooooooo
I means its thoroughly amusing his unfazed and shameless words everday...what is more special is you can see he is not lying to us …. He has lied and convinced himself first....THAT IS POSITIVITY.
"Why dont you die...when will you die and i can find another decent susheel kinda one(i mean wonder why did he not search one in first place is beyond us)...he actually begs her to go away to your moms place"
When finally one day we did bother to chat up courtesy his only real help (though he talks of all the things that he can get done day in and night out)that of recommending a good enough cardiologist for my mom...he started telling about how one should speak well and quietly...now my sis not one to keep quiet ( unlike me who prefers staring at my PC which he detests and complains about saying... like Napoleon staring at the PC...now whats the connection i dont get it but then ... i nevr get such people) said "oh leave it...we also hear what you keep scolding your wife every day".
He explained himself so beautifully absolutely unfazed
" you see its not like that....i want her to change for good...so i scold...she does not know anything...but eat cook ...go to her stupid telephone operator job and be back...i tell her i have friends who can help you for free...learn english...learn computers...i encourage her...but all she likes is living it simply...i give her so much freedom....go to your moms place meet her stay with her for a few days"
Forcing her to learn english is his passion.....while he keeps on calling her choicest names in native tongue.That the lady is absolutely not bothered ------ shows why they call some people ram banayi jodi.
Add to this stupid conversation my sisters cruel fun liners she adds " why dont you take her to a psychiatrist "....and then remarks later to me….once both of em go to that psychiatrist he will become a psycho wondering who's the patient among the two.
This wonderful chap lives in the house that is owned by his brother ...God knows what broker jobs he does...never seen him do anything except crib and cry about his being sick due to diabetes and shrieking on phone. and keeps talking all these days i earned goodwill and now i will earn money using it. and honestly you see him outside his doorstep he's ever smiling ...what a wonderful sunny positive person...hmmmm.
Only people being tortured here is us....for me its this amazing attitude of thinking how perfect he is...yeah such is positivity...and its amazing quality of being blinded to faults of self...
And yet when i am chillingly curt to such people my mom thinks i am not behaving proper......but then this is just an example the quantity of such contradicting bundles is not scarce at all...only the degree varies.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
"We the Living" The Book...why its so livelier to me
Sometimes its a exhilarating feeling when someone puts so beautifully and to the point what you so much feel about.
Whenever i find anyone who reads books we do end up talking about Ayn Rand... i guess a lot of them have read AYn Rand and like most people are influenced by her.But most people in this world are found of 'Fountainhead '.Its listed by celebrities as such a strong book and what not but for me its hogwash compared to other books by her.
If "Atlas shrugged" has one of the most powerful heroines anywhere in modern Fiction except of course my fav "Scarlett O Hara"...Fountain head has a wimp a hopeless heroine ever.
The other book people like is Atlas Shrugged and yeah i agree its a good book....but for me my favorite book was and is ' We the Living '.
For me its realistic in the sense that unlike other books it simply is not an ideal...as if the whole world does not exist...its about individuality despite the world....and i love the book among all her book.
I could never really explain to people why i liked that book over the other famous two.I and a friend of mine who is another of those hard core Fountain head fans had arguments on it and my views were so exact to the ARTICLE i came across .
It was as if some one wrote about our discussions and my opinions as it is.Its such a coincidence and its a feeling like well....exactly see thats what i feel.
"True. But for me there's something even more powerful about We the Living -- it's as if the novel was written in blood. The fact that Rand lived through the same kinds of things that Kira lived through gives it an almost primal quality. It's a cry from the heart. I think perhaps that's what turns off Objectivists about it -- it's too emotional in a way, not serenely rational like her later novels."
"I think a simpler explanation is that Objectivists don't like the fact that it has a tragic ending."
"I'm sure that doesn't help either. But despite the ending, I think We the Living is more alive than her other novels. It's about these characters fighting to live their lives. They're not fighting for ideas, but for the simple right to live their lives and pursue their values."
I always felt exactly the above....
Its a tragedy alright...to me when i first read it it was more tragic than any i had read....i remember i had shut the book almost 3 times at those last pages where Kira asks Leo just one question..."If i tell you something that will hold you back would you still some day go " and Leo answers " Yes...but what is there to hold me back" and she replies...Nothing..." .......very few books can hold me like that.
It is also the reason why dont like reading pure philosophical discourses and hate and despise Self help...why i prefer fiction with philosophical touches better.
Its her most not so famous book and yet to me thats her true book over all the others where its all theories galore....
Sometimes its a exhilarating feeling when someone puts so beautifully and to the point what you so much feel about.
Whenever i find anyone who reads books we do end up talking about Ayn Rand... i guess a lot of them have read AYn Rand and like most people are influenced by her.But most people in this world are found of 'Fountainhead '.Its listed by celebrities as such a strong book and what not but for me its hogwash compared to other books by her.
If "Atlas shrugged" has one of the most powerful heroines anywhere in modern Fiction except of course my fav "Scarlett O Hara"...Fountain head has a wimp a hopeless heroine ever.
The other book people like is Atlas Shrugged and yeah i agree its a good book....but for me my favorite book was and is ' We the Living '.
For me its realistic in the sense that unlike other books it simply is not an ideal...as if the whole world does not exist...its about individuality despite the world....and i love the book among all her book.
I could never really explain to people why i liked that book over the other famous two.I and a friend of mine who is another of those hard core Fountain head fans had arguments on it and my views were so exact to the ARTICLE i came across .
It was as if some one wrote about our discussions and my opinions as it is.Its such a coincidence and its a feeling like well....exactly see thats what i feel.
"True. But for me there's something even more powerful about We the Living -- it's as if the novel was written in blood. The fact that Rand lived through the same kinds of things that Kira lived through gives it an almost primal quality. It's a cry from the heart. I think perhaps that's what turns off Objectivists about it -- it's too emotional in a way, not serenely rational like her later novels."
"I think a simpler explanation is that Objectivists don't like the fact that it has a tragic ending."
"I'm sure that doesn't help either. But despite the ending, I think We the Living is more alive than her other novels. It's about these characters fighting to live their lives. They're not fighting for ideas, but for the simple right to live their lives and pursue their values."
I always felt exactly the above....
Its a tragedy alright...to me when i first read it it was more tragic than any i had read....i remember i had shut the book almost 3 times at those last pages where Kira asks Leo just one question..."If i tell you something that will hold you back would you still some day go " and Leo answers " Yes...but what is there to hold me back" and she replies...Nothing..." .......very few books can hold me like that.
It is also the reason why dont like reading pure philosophical discourses and hate and despise Self help...why i prefer fiction with philosophical touches better.
Its her most not so famous book and yet to me thats her true book over all the others where its all theories galore....
Saturday, September 09, 2006
just a day….a lil less caffeine in future….a lil more saline in present…
I am almost hopelessly completely depressed now i guess….
Its like something you tell yourself you beleive in and then it crashes down ….or may be its not even like that….It may be something you know will crash and break and yet after knowing it all you dont like to beleive it….you wish all kind of stupidities.
Yesterday went through like a breeze but when i settled down at at the end of the day it was like a tiring heartbreak…….
Two people with whom i probably spent the best part of last year left office and i could not even see them off…all the while all those new joinees were like one doubt come here…come here….wanted to like tell all of em to got hell….but well…..thats how things are…its no ones fault and yet…its strangely upsetting.
Probably thats what friendship is in a way.
They arent the kind of people i’d relate to much ….very childish girls very lively…very brilliant.I am not the kind of person they normally would relate to(books poetry…philosophy…no way) and if as real person knew me would cater to much but yet we somehow became friends brought together by fate and we went on ignoring in each other or even worse simply refusing to see anything beyond what we liked.
I never really understand people i have as friends except may be a few (with whom i dont have the good times these days but share the worse times by cribbing to them)….what they see in me or what i see in them sometimes….except for the fact that we have a good time together.
Probably thats the problem with judging people in entirety……you risk your own opinions…your own judgements.
Then theres this other thing… you so wish to meet what you left by…of memories which you simply go an sweeting more than they ever were and then one day if you ever face then again you realise the illusion was so much better .But i guess in my case i wanted to get rid of all illusions in life and whats happening is all for the best.
Yes i very much wished this somewhere in life so that i can move on….if theres nothing better left then so be it …at least i stop beleiving that the past will come back.There is always this wish i guess in people who leave the place they grow up in childhood to have that world back…beleving it lasts.But the world moves by…even if the place lasts the people do not remain the same but then do we ourselves remain the same…..People dont change ….not at the core i always tell myself…..but do they or rather is it like that people stop being themselves and take on a new persona…they dont change ….may be they just die….not physically but sort of killed of by the world…some become cynical like me..some become hopeless..some become wastrels…some become very successful….but what years ago made then so very special is lost.
and you dont really know them.It is then that you may wish that it stop…….this whole deconstruction of the past…..by the present.When the past comes to present and cannot live upto you the illusion, then one starts hoping it stops ruining the delicate beauty of the past.
I think this is the greatest risk of meeting old friends and acquaintances…….and yet we seek them out everywhere we can on cycberspace ….. in real world.And yet when we do sometimes it ruins al those memories…those beleifs that carried you through this turbulent present.
You look back at people from days gone by and wish that comes back but in the end when they do you realise what has gone back will never come back.This week probably drove that into me more firmly than anything.But it dissapoints
such shining hopessuch sudden twists frombright to dark………..with the faintest sleight of handthe alteration of all of life’s schemesand all its scope..all with one tiny turnof life’s KALEIDOSCOPE.Why do some of the best people lose to life…to this world…but they do and while it kind of
breaks your heart to see it…somewhere it tells you again that past is no promise of a future….what is there is all the present.
When i look back at my past i realise there is only one lesson ive learnt in my life….i’ve questioned and fought against most other wisdoms propagated.
What is there is Today…..What will be there is yesterday….What one better not bother with is Tommorow…and yet its hard when you are surrounded by people who talk abou planning…projects…..decisions…..life .
I keep repeating to myself…..“Smile coz it happenedDont cry that it ended”………….But then i my usual way i cant help it…i smiled when it happened…i cry when it ended.
I’ll get used to it…..i have a habit of getting used to anything as much as i hate it.
Both of them were going on with such bright hopes to a new place and it hurts sometimes when you know that just as others failed in what you hoped for them…..you you too fail others in their visons.
V and P were like looking at me and R…saying you stupid two ….We four joined together …if you two too had gotten another job…we’d have all left together…. what a classic statement it would have been.
The only positive part in this………..i’ll be drinking less caffeine …as no one is gonna drag me away to heated sh…sh….coffee room discussions.
I am almost hopelessly completely depressed now i guess….
Its like something you tell yourself you beleive in and then it crashes down ….or may be its not even like that….It may be something you know will crash and break and yet after knowing it all you dont like to beleive it….you wish all kind of stupidities.
Yesterday went through like a breeze but when i settled down at at the end of the day it was like a tiring heartbreak…….
Two people with whom i probably spent the best part of last year left office and i could not even see them off…all the while all those new joinees were like one doubt come here…come here….wanted to like tell all of em to got hell….but well…..thats how things are…its no ones fault and yet…its strangely upsetting.
Probably thats what friendship is in a way.
They arent the kind of people i’d relate to much ….very childish girls very lively…very brilliant.I am not the kind of person they normally would relate to(books poetry…philosophy…no way) and if as real person knew me would cater to much but yet we somehow became friends brought together by fate and we went on ignoring in each other or even worse simply refusing to see anything beyond what we liked.
I never really understand people i have as friends except may be a few (with whom i dont have the good times these days but share the worse times by cribbing to them)….what they see in me or what i see in them sometimes….except for the fact that we have a good time together.
Probably thats the problem with judging people in entirety……you risk your own opinions…your own judgements.
Then theres this other thing… you so wish to meet what you left by…of memories which you simply go an sweeting more than they ever were and then one day if you ever face then again you realise the illusion was so much better .But i guess in my case i wanted to get rid of all illusions in life and whats happening is all for the best.
Yes i very much wished this somewhere in life so that i can move on….if theres nothing better left then so be it …at least i stop beleiving that the past will come back.There is always this wish i guess in people who leave the place they grow up in childhood to have that world back…beleving it lasts.But the world moves by…even if the place lasts the people do not remain the same but then do we ourselves remain the same…..People dont change ….not at the core i always tell myself…..but do they or rather is it like that people stop being themselves and take on a new persona…they dont change ….may be they just die….not physically but sort of killed of by the world…some become cynical like me..some become hopeless..some become wastrels…some become very successful….but what years ago made then so very special is lost.
and you dont really know them.It is then that you may wish that it stop…….this whole deconstruction of the past…..by the present.When the past comes to present and cannot live upto you the illusion, then one starts hoping it stops ruining the delicate beauty of the past.
I think this is the greatest risk of meeting old friends and acquaintances…….and yet we seek them out everywhere we can on cycberspace ….. in real world.And yet when we do sometimes it ruins al those memories…those beleifs that carried you through this turbulent present.
You look back at people from days gone by and wish that comes back but in the end when they do you realise what has gone back will never come back.This week probably drove that into me more firmly than anything.But it dissapoints
such shining hopessuch sudden twists frombright to dark………..with the faintest sleight of handthe alteration of all of life’s schemesand all its scope..all with one tiny turnof life’s KALEIDOSCOPE.Why do some of the best people lose to life…to this world…but they do and while it kind of
breaks your heart to see it…somewhere it tells you again that past is no promise of a future….what is there is all the present.
When i look back at my past i realise there is only one lesson ive learnt in my life….i’ve questioned and fought against most other wisdoms propagated.
What is there is Today…..What will be there is yesterday….What one better not bother with is Tommorow…and yet its hard when you are surrounded by people who talk abou planning…projects…..decisions…..life .
I keep repeating to myself…..“Smile coz it happenedDont cry that it ended”………….But then i my usual way i cant help it…i smiled when it happened…i cry when it ended.
I’ll get used to it…..i have a habit of getting used to anything as much as i hate it.
Both of them were going on with such bright hopes to a new place and it hurts sometimes when you know that just as others failed in what you hoped for them…..you you too fail others in their visons.
V and P were like looking at me and R…saying you stupid two ….We four joined together …if you two too had gotten another job…we’d have all left together…. what a classic statement it would have been.
The only positive part in this………..i’ll be drinking less caffeine …as no one is gonna drag me away to heated sh…sh….coffee room discussions.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
The words that remain....
Some lines just kind of float in ur mind for long.....Very few lines i mange to remember....
My memory is like what they say RAM in IT.I simply forget as much as i love what i read....just a lingering essence of it stays in mind.The words are forgotten faster than what i read.Then there are some words somelines you cant forget some words that you hear just once seem so very simple but they just refuse to budge from the mind.These are a few of those lines i read somewhere
Ek tuti hui zanjeer ki fariyaad hai hum
aur duniya ye samajti hai ki azaad hai hum
Not sure why i started this post ....but will continue it sometime
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I left it at that on 25th July and then realised today it was a part post....but whats there to complete....anyway a few more lines on the same thoughts
You have fascinating books and some not so fascinating...but people who love books would any day tell you that there is something...some lines..irrrelevant mostly that remains from some books...sometimes that something may be a very vague feeling .
I am not speaking about the brilliant quotable quotes of a book ...but some very simple thing that randomly just sticks on in mind. I have my own special lines from books.
I will start with a book that i disliked.there was a book by I Allan Sealy called Everest Hotel.I simply did not like it somehow may be the subject was too uninteresting for me.The author though describes beautifully.......I hardly remember anything much of the book and story except my dislike of the book and this line
"faye made a nunnery out of her garden and you've made a garden out of your nunnery."
Probably it sort of reminds me in the end you can make anything out of anything..welll what is this thing i,m writing hmmm...................I ve never realised why i simply remember those lines they just sort of stuck in the mind.where i struggle to memorize anything these days ...u just dont forget some lines.
Then there's that excellent book by Vikram Seth " A Suitable boy". agree with whoever said that many people who talk about it would not have read it....its real time bulky.Well i read it over a month of my visits to the library on the weekend ...and ther's a lovely soap opera kinda story in it and all that..what i can never forget is a set of lines whose meaning condensed to something like below.....
The heroine says to Kabir a guy she's leaving to marry another......."remember you got five runs that day in a ball.its like that ...life....but...you cannot score five runs everyday can you...same in life"........it was a strange analogy but it stuck.
I guess i will add to this post....... some more lines which i cant recall.......my mind is kinda blocked.....now........too much work and depressive atmosphere is building up at office.
Some lines just kind of float in ur mind for long.....Very few lines i mange to remember....
My memory is like what they say RAM in IT.I simply forget as much as i love what i read....just a lingering essence of it stays in mind.The words are forgotten faster than what i read.Then there are some words somelines you cant forget some words that you hear just once seem so very simple but they just refuse to budge from the mind.These are a few of those lines i read somewhere
Ek tuti hui zanjeer ki fariyaad hai hum
aur duniya ye samajti hai ki azaad hai hum
Not sure why i started this post ....but will continue it sometime
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I left it at that on 25th July and then realised today it was a part post....but whats there to complete....anyway a few more lines on the same thoughts
You have fascinating books and some not so fascinating...but people who love books would any day tell you that there is something...some lines..irrrelevant mostly that remains from some books...sometimes that something may be a very vague feeling .
I am not speaking about the brilliant quotable quotes of a book ...but some very simple thing that randomly just sticks on in mind. I have my own special lines from books.
I will start with a book that i disliked.there was a book by I Allan Sealy called Everest Hotel.I simply did not like it somehow may be the subject was too uninteresting for me.The author though describes beautifully.......I hardly remember anything much of the book and story except my dislike of the book and this line
"faye made a nunnery out of her garden and you've made a garden out of your nunnery."
Probably it sort of reminds me in the end you can make anything out of anything..welll what is this thing i,m writing hmmm...................I ve never realised why i simply remember those lines they just sort of stuck in the mind.where i struggle to memorize anything these days ...u just dont forget some lines.
Then there's that excellent book by Vikram Seth " A Suitable boy". agree with whoever said that many people who talk about it would not have read it....its real time bulky.Well i read it over a month of my visits to the library on the weekend ...and ther's a lovely soap opera kinda story in it and all that..what i can never forget is a set of lines whose meaning condensed to something like below.....
The heroine says to Kabir a guy she's leaving to marry another......."remember you got five runs that day in a ball.its like that ...life....but...you cannot score five runs everyday can you...same in life"........it was a strange analogy but it stuck.
I guess i will add to this post....... some more lines which i cant recall.......my mind is kinda blocked.....now........too much work and depressive atmosphere is building up at office.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Life....Ironic ???
Life can be absolutely excruciatingly funny......or ironic.
Ah irony...where i learnt the word first....in school in Shakespeare and now here i saw it so perfectly.
It was a pretty surprise to find someone on the net from over a decade back....from my school i left far away in a far off sleepy town...and then to know that all the while ..that person was in the same city as me.
For some time i was simply wondering ....... it so strange...really.
But neverthless it was a nice look back on days past...and a reminder of the way life affects us....i remembered the person i was 14 yrs ago....the word probably used about me
fitted just fine "painfully shy"....i hardly am that anymore though i still am extremely hesitant to speak with strangers....and with acquaintances i just blabber a lot...by my standards if not everybody.
Also it could be due to the fact that im surounded my a chirpy bunch of freshers who unlike most of the people of my batch weighed down by taking up the responsiboilities of life .......have had the best in life early and are so very positive and yeah for me it helps to have such a kind around ....else i tend to drown in my dark observations......
V and P both girls would be done with their notice period this week and i'd be quite bored at office.....of course there would be lot of work this coming months but still those two were really sweet and smart and fun girls to have around......they never let you brood even for a minute...and when u tended to lapse into those dark thoughts and they buzzd you or teased you ....i sort of used to get irritated but then i a moment i realised they honestly what a difference they make.
yeah ive not changed at all at the core....i guess no one does...but ive moved on .....for better or worse.
oh by the way i have moved this whole blog to wordpress(FROZENTHOUGHTZ.WORDPRESS.COM) .Of course the blog on blogspot stays on....
Life can be absolutely excruciatingly funny......or ironic.
Ah irony...where i learnt the word first....in school in Shakespeare and now here i saw it so perfectly.
It was a pretty surprise to find someone on the net from over a decade back....from my school i left far away in a far off sleepy town...and then to know that all the while ..that person was in the same city as me.
For some time i was simply wondering ....... it so strange...really.
But neverthless it was a nice look back on days past...and a reminder of the way life affects us....i remembered the person i was 14 yrs ago....the word probably used about me
fitted just fine "painfully shy"....i hardly am that anymore though i still am extremely hesitant to speak with strangers....and with acquaintances i just blabber a lot...by my standards if not everybody.
Also it could be due to the fact that im surounded my a chirpy bunch of freshers who unlike most of the people of my batch weighed down by taking up the responsiboilities of life .......have had the best in life early and are so very positive and yeah for me it helps to have such a kind around ....else i tend to drown in my dark observations......
V and P both girls would be done with their notice period this week and i'd be quite bored at office.....of course there would be lot of work this coming months but still those two were really sweet and smart and fun girls to have around......they never let you brood even for a minute...and when u tended to lapse into those dark thoughts and they buzzd you or teased you ....i sort of used to get irritated but then i a moment i realised they honestly what a difference they make.
yeah ive not changed at all at the core....i guess no one does...but ive moved on .....for better or worse.
oh by the way i have moved this whole blog to wordpress(FROZENTHOUGHTZ.WORDPRESS.COM) .Of course the blog on blogspot stays on....
Monday, August 28, 2006
An insane post i guess....
Came across a lovely post on the net i mean ...for some one like me its like a very interesting post i mean
Embracing Your Insanity
The author tells how better it is to do what you feel .... may be he meant it at a higher level for management people based on all his examples but well here's the insane everyday life i live....here in this world where everyone tells you of controlling your mind and mind over matter i've always beleived in giving the heart a wee bit too much leeway.
Well i tell myself that always......
only i am scared for so many people these days....with my very small insane thoughts.
I used to do it earlier a lot at my previous job and do it now occasionally.
Basically it means when you you get a dumb horrid terrible customer no harm in giving it back a little.
When you want to throttle your manager ..... you can at least smash the keyboard .
When mom's out and kitchen is too much to handle before leaving to work after those rare 7.30 am wake up smashing a few porcelain cups makes you feel fine.(it relaxed me hugely that day honestly !!!!!! )
When you are in real hurry you walk to the gate and feel you need to have a glass of water.
When there is a Client call to attend you feel like sleeping just a lil bit late that day....Ah it s a strange good feeling .....
Doodling up some nice pic and then criss crossing across it.
Downloading songs and ebooks though no time to use them at all these days.
Browsing blogs and writing stupid posts after a tiring day at office that too when you have to study for some damned exam you paid thousands to write.
As far as eccentricity goes well hmm im not rich so i can only be weird...as is said in the post.
But yeah this post reminds me of a comment i left god knows where saying...........
" While i find so many interesting thoughts on Blogs......discussing books and such wonderful topics, such bold and different thoughts about social change......in real world its way so boring and following the norm and playing safe kinda people.Why!!! "
Insanity is great on Internet.........
Its yet to catch on in reality..............
Came across a lovely post on the net i mean ...for some one like me its like a very interesting post i mean
Embracing Your Insanity
The author tells how better it is to do what you feel .... may be he meant it at a higher level for management people based on all his examples but well here's the insane everyday life i live....here in this world where everyone tells you of controlling your mind and mind over matter i've always beleived in giving the heart a wee bit too much leeway.
Well i tell myself that always......
only i am scared for so many people these days....with my very small insane thoughts.
I used to do it earlier a lot at my previous job and do it now occasionally.
Basically it means when you you get a dumb horrid terrible customer no harm in giving it back a little.
When you want to throttle your manager ..... you can at least smash the keyboard .
When mom's out and kitchen is too much to handle before leaving to work after those rare 7.30 am wake up smashing a few porcelain cups makes you feel fine.(it relaxed me hugely that day honestly !!!!!! )
When you are in real hurry you walk to the gate and feel you need to have a glass of water.
When there is a Client call to attend you feel like sleeping just a lil bit late that day....Ah it s a strange good feeling .....
Doodling up some nice pic and then criss crossing across it.
Downloading songs and ebooks though no time to use them at all these days.
Browsing blogs and writing stupid posts after a tiring day at office that too when you have to study for some damned exam you paid thousands to write.
As far as eccentricity goes well hmm im not rich so i can only be weird...as is said in the post.
But yeah this post reminds me of a comment i left god knows where saying...........
" While i find so many interesting thoughts on Blogs......discussing books and such wonderful topics, such bold and different thoughts about social change......in real world its way so boring and following the norm and playing safe kinda people.Why!!! "
Insanity is great on Internet.........
Its yet to catch on in reality..............
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Lost on Everest....
I first read about this when i somehow pickedup the Geographic issue.I mean while i love mountains my love for montains is the Ruskin Bond kind....those prety hills walks ....fresh beautiful nature.But well challenge and defiance of the odds of nature like Everest is a different story.
As i read about the horrific difficulties faced by people in those days and yet time and again they returned to what they term as conquering Everest its amazing human nature.Well of all those stories one I was quite a bit curious abt some person found after nearly 75 years mumified on Everest.
The story of a Climber quite well known in his time called Mallory and Irvine who dissapeared in 1924 without a trace while very close to being the first to climb Everest.Its very debatable and controversial even to this day....and whenever there's controversy fascinating facts are dug out.Theres quite some stuff on the net about it too i guess.
But when i found this book in the Library "Lost on Everest-The Search for Mallory and Irvine" by Peter First Brook i sure picked it up.But what i liked was the book instead of just going on about the controversy gave a background of what may drive people to such endeavours.
It starts off with how Mallory being an exceptional Climber had his nemesis like most brilliant people he had a terrible habit of forgetting.The author slowly fleshes out the root cause of why there was a need within Mallory to prove himself...in an era when almost everyone was involved in the War he was prevented to be in it.Hence his only chance to prove himself was Everest and how it slowly grew upon him like an obsession though on side of it he had begun to develop a distaste for the conditions and the country he still pursued it .
There is also a brief description of the politics of the era and how it all affected the climbing of Everest.
It also shows the other side of a somewhat bright individual...inability to take decisions on life for himself as is put across in the book....most of his life's decisions were finally made by other people...he never being able to be conclusive or taking a stand on anything.
The books shows the human frailities of a someone who almost would see a cut above usual humans when you think he almost climbed Everest in a few tweed jackets....and none of todays modern equipments.
A letter from him to his friend shows it
"The mountain has taken its tol among us; but lord , how much worse it might have been! David its an infernal mountain, cold and treacherous...Perhaps its folly to go up again.But how can i be out of the hunt"
But if you read lengths of the book especially the last moments of their known life details all alone you would feel a strange helpless feeling .Imagine two people alone in a chilly place with hardly much clothing unlike todays standards and then they dissapear.
You just wonder about the oh so many possibilities
They could have theoretically at least reached the summit their life long desire and then been killed during descent.
They could have been killed all alone while ascent itself though none expected that.
One had dies before the other .....how much worse it would have felt for that other one who had been alive then.
Also Mallory's body was recovered miraculously in 1999 in a very preserved state almost 75 yrs later and Irvine's is still not found. Actually it was spotted much earlier by a Chinese climbers but the person who spotted it and had spoken of it dies on Everest the next day.It is such a mystery of nature that makes man feel so small and alone despite his boasts and conquests.
And then there is the description of how Mallory's wife found out about his death ....by a reporter at the door asking for her reaction about it as he was unaware that she did not know....How cruel the media was and is i guess.
One passage which really describes the chilling truth of the dangers there and life and it chances was this.
"I made one or two last attempts to breathe, but nothing happened.Fianlly i pressed my chest with both hands, gave one last almighty push- and the obstruction came up.What a releif.Coughing up a little blood i once more breathed really freely-- more freely than i had for some days...I was a new man."It was a lucky escape for Somervell , who was seconds away from suffocation; he had coughed up the frostbitten mucus lining of his larynx.
If all this is a simple human perspective of it....then there are people like this article in Hindu (http://www.hinduonnet.com/fline/fl1612/16120970.htm) who show the whole political side of it...the color race discrimination, colonial rule and what not and how every human being while living his own personal life and desires is a political pawn in the end.
The book though was a good read but somehow whenever i read those last pages describing his last sighting you feel so eerie and lonely imagining two normal simple people stranded alone in that chilly snow and hazardous rock mountain....and the whole tragedy and mystery of it.It seems after the body was discovered the possibilities actually matched what was told by a psychic to John Noel the person who had seen them last .
As the author says there is so much to tantalize and so little to enlighten.
I first read about this when i somehow pickedup the Geographic issue.I mean while i love mountains my love for montains is the Ruskin Bond kind....those prety hills walks ....fresh beautiful nature.But well challenge and defiance of the odds of nature like Everest is a different story.
As i read about the horrific difficulties faced by people in those days and yet time and again they returned to what they term as conquering Everest its amazing human nature.Well of all those stories one I was quite a bit curious abt some person found after nearly 75 years mumified on Everest.
The story of a Climber quite well known in his time called Mallory and Irvine who dissapeared in 1924 without a trace while very close to being the first to climb Everest.Its very debatable and controversial even to this day....and whenever there's controversy fascinating facts are dug out.Theres quite some stuff on the net about it too i guess.
But when i found this book in the Library "Lost on Everest-The Search for Mallory and Irvine" by Peter First Brook i sure picked it up.But what i liked was the book instead of just going on about the controversy gave a background of what may drive people to such endeavours.
It starts off with how Mallory being an exceptional Climber had his nemesis like most brilliant people he had a terrible habit of forgetting.The author slowly fleshes out the root cause of why there was a need within Mallory to prove himself...in an era when almost everyone was involved in the War he was prevented to be in it.Hence his only chance to prove himself was Everest and how it slowly grew upon him like an obsession though on side of it he had begun to develop a distaste for the conditions and the country he still pursued it .
There is also a brief description of the politics of the era and how it all affected the climbing of Everest.
It also shows the other side of a somewhat bright individual...inability to take decisions on life for himself as is put across in the book....most of his life's decisions were finally made by other people...he never being able to be conclusive or taking a stand on anything.
The books shows the human frailities of a someone who almost would see a cut above usual humans when you think he almost climbed Everest in a few tweed jackets....and none of todays modern equipments.
A letter from him to his friend shows it
"The mountain has taken its tol among us; but lord , how much worse it might have been! David its an infernal mountain, cold and treacherous...Perhaps its folly to go up again.But how can i be out of the hunt"
But if you read lengths of the book especially the last moments of their known life details all alone you would feel a strange helpless feeling .Imagine two people alone in a chilly place with hardly much clothing unlike todays standards and then they dissapear.
You just wonder about the oh so many possibilities
They could have theoretically at least reached the summit their life long desire and then been killed during descent.
They could have been killed all alone while ascent itself though none expected that.
One had dies before the other .....how much worse it would have felt for that other one who had been alive then.
Also Mallory's body was recovered miraculously in 1999 in a very preserved state almost 75 yrs later and Irvine's is still not found. Actually it was spotted much earlier by a Chinese climbers but the person who spotted it and had spoken of it dies on Everest the next day.It is such a mystery of nature that makes man feel so small and alone despite his boasts and conquests.
And then there is the description of how Mallory's wife found out about his death ....by a reporter at the door asking for her reaction about it as he was unaware that she did not know....How cruel the media was and is i guess.
One passage which really describes the chilling truth of the dangers there and life and it chances was this.
"I made one or two last attempts to breathe, but nothing happened.Fianlly i pressed my chest with both hands, gave one last almighty push- and the obstruction came up.What a releif.Coughing up a little blood i once more breathed really freely-- more freely than i had for some days...I was a new man."It was a lucky escape for Somervell , who was seconds away from suffocation; he had coughed up the frostbitten mucus lining of his larynx.
If all this is a simple human perspective of it....then there are people like this article in Hindu (http://www.hinduonnet.com/fline/fl1612/16120970.htm) who show the whole political side of it...the color race discrimination, colonial rule and what not and how every human being while living his own personal life and desires is a political pawn in the end.
The book though was a good read but somehow whenever i read those last pages describing his last sighting you feel so eerie and lonely imagining two normal simple people stranded alone in that chilly snow and hazardous rock mountain....and the whole tragedy and mystery of it.It seems after the body was discovered the possibilities actually matched what was told by a psychic to John Noel the person who had seen them last .
As the author says there is so much to tantalize and so little to enlighten.
KANK: Stupid Movie but hell ....its a movie
Hmm Well I disliked the movie sure and so did many others but well what i did not like was the reasons actually they are giving for it. Its way too stupid the way its being projected as though if you just see that movie you’’ll think about ending your relationships.
While i thought the way the story was handled sucked big time but unlike others i think the theme was just fine....whats the use of continuing any relationship which simply adds on pain with every passing second. People comment saying that its so bad of Karan Johar to say its ok to walk out of a marriage even when a child is involved.
Well do these people ever think that it affects a child worse if they have a set of parents who stay together but always hate each other sometimes openly and sometimes indirectly.Its better if they go seperate ways amicably i guess and if the child is well provided for rather than subject a child to falsified marital bliss and then ask the child to repay one fine day for all the sacrifices made.
In fact the way Shahrukh treated his kid in first half i think he would be better off without such a Dad.But then thats serious stuff.
Actually one chap commented really well on Sulekha when he said do you ask Hollywood directors that did you see the aliens or dinosaurs then why torture Karan Johar saying why he made a movie on marriage without being married.
Well he made a bold attempt and its Classic stupid scripting but to say the least did anyone ever observe it is mostly stupid people who do bold things because sensible people think......and hence wont dare.
The only fine thing in the movie was when Amitabh says in the movie at least Rishi will have a chance to be loved truly by someone (Coz she being a hopeless case suited for that loser Dev...perfect match...............and yeah true even losers in this world like Rani and Shahrukh in the movie have a right to be winners in Love.)
So finally times have changed at least in movies......what could not be made by any director in Silsila days(though i think that ‘s the way you develop the story rather than the love at first sight way Johar developed..its a sin to compare these two movies anyway) is made by Johar in KANK.But whatever happens Indians love the regressive expensive Bhansali movies.....
Most funny though was watching Amitabh justifying his role on TV saying he’s open about all his activities with his son and not hiding it wow!!!!!.
In the end what we all forget is this is all BIG BUSINESS.....and its all about money honey...which KJ sure would’ve made enough.
Anyway all this talk reminds me of that excellent book called Anna Karenina by Tolstoy. If relationships have to be studied one must read it. It will make you see the futility in the end of most relationships i guess........Gosh its such a sad tragic book and sooo upsetting that i never can get myself to write a review about it.
Hmm Well I disliked the movie sure and so did many others but well what i did not like was the reasons actually they are giving for it. Its way too stupid the way its being projected as though if you just see that movie you’’ll think about ending your relationships.
While i thought the way the story was handled sucked big time but unlike others i think the theme was just fine....whats the use of continuing any relationship which simply adds on pain with every passing second. People comment saying that its so bad of Karan Johar to say its ok to walk out of a marriage even when a child is involved.
Well do these people ever think that it affects a child worse if they have a set of parents who stay together but always hate each other sometimes openly and sometimes indirectly.Its better if they go seperate ways amicably i guess and if the child is well provided for rather than subject a child to falsified marital bliss and then ask the child to repay one fine day for all the sacrifices made.
In fact the way Shahrukh treated his kid in first half i think he would be better off without such a Dad.But then thats serious stuff.
Actually one chap commented really well on Sulekha when he said do you ask Hollywood directors that did you see the aliens or dinosaurs then why torture Karan Johar saying why he made a movie on marriage without being married.
Well he made a bold attempt and its Classic stupid scripting but to say the least did anyone ever observe it is mostly stupid people who do bold things because sensible people think......and hence wont dare.
The only fine thing in the movie was when Amitabh says in the movie at least Rishi will have a chance to be loved truly by someone (Coz she being a hopeless case suited for that loser Dev...perfect match...............and yeah true even losers in this world like Rani and Shahrukh in the movie have a right to be winners in Love.)
So finally times have changed at least in movies......what could not be made by any director in Silsila days(though i think that ‘s the way you develop the story rather than the love at first sight way Johar developed..its a sin to compare these two movies anyway) is made by Johar in KANK.But whatever happens Indians love the regressive expensive Bhansali movies.....
Most funny though was watching Amitabh justifying his role on TV saying he’s open about all his activities with his son and not hiding it wow!!!!!.
In the end what we all forget is this is all BIG BUSINESS.....and its all about money honey...which KJ sure would’ve made enough.
Anyway all this talk reminds me of that excellent book called Anna Karenina by Tolstoy. If relationships have to be studied one must read it. It will make you see the futility in the end of most relationships i guess........Gosh its such a sad tragic book and sooo upsetting that i never can get myself to write a review about it.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Kabhi Alvidaa....Abhi Alvidaa
Its probably only the second movie review on my Blog.I am not very good at this as i cant speak in all those artistic terms of cinematography and all that but well here’s how my KANK experience was.
After a long time i made enough fuss about getting tickets to a movie...hmm well did not manage to get them but my friend simply walked in and managed to get two in the afternoon. Well at the end of the movie i was glad all the fuss and energy i expended was on phone and net and not in person. Gosh what a kitsch of nonsense it turned out to be mostly.
Yes this is from a Shahrukh fan......this marks the begining of the end for Sharukh i guess as Bollywood’s best romantic.He simply did not look as good..its fine he fitted the part some may say but heck this movie is for Bollywood i guess and he should look good.
This movie is neither here nor there. Neither is this movie that beautiful chiffon saga which though absolutely unreal is great for people with romantic fantasies Nor is the movie a true class of art realistic story.
It simply irritates you.....its that stupid......its not like the theme is bad or zara hat ke or anything like that..... KANK is pure mixture of good intentions may be but terrible execution. It had what you’d call in software Integration issues(modules in themselves are great but they just dont work together).
If you just take Amitabh’s part as fun track he’s excellent but what the heck in this story is it needed and it seems so unnecessary and cheap.
If you want to know what zero chemistry means watch Shahrukh and Rani.Even the best direction will not make them look convincing as the most soulful lovers.
If you see this movie you will realise what difference Kajol makes to a movie.I thought K3G was a nonsensical movie but then it had such wonderful performances by Kajol and that part of the romance at least was enjoyable and beleivable.Though i hate amitabh’s chauvinist character in it very much.
Sentimentally of course i liked the scene where Amitabh asks Rani to leave Abhishek...honestly at least he would have chance to be loved which he deserved.
Abhishek ‘s great looks wise and acting wise quite touching and so was Preity as the strong one. Rani well i did not expect anything from her. Sharukh oh it was so dissapointing...he simply bored and irritated. What a hopeless character Dev’s character is.
KANK’s most enjoyable scene for me actually was when when Preity Zinta says at the end to Rani...”itni saza bas hai uske liye...nahi...abhi to tumhe Dev ke saath rehna hai”. Honestly living with such a character can be a torture...watching him was enough torture.
Actually the story i thought could have been written so very well if it had been written as a story and not a script which needs comedy, a Mother , a father and some humor and jokes. It was so ridiculous when Sharukh says he felt Rani was his soulmate when he met her on a bench.....Gosh.....I guess love at first sight is better handled by Mani Ratnam..even he gives it some time to sink in.
Even the song picturizations were not as good as usually these movies have.
Now i just am thinking how to avoid if someone asks me to come to see the movie again
as i had told people no issues i’ll come with you again when they asked me to wait till next week.
Its probably only the second movie review on my Blog.I am not very good at this as i cant speak in all those artistic terms of cinematography and all that but well here’s how my KANK experience was.
After a long time i made enough fuss about getting tickets to a movie...hmm well did not manage to get them but my friend simply walked in and managed to get two in the afternoon. Well at the end of the movie i was glad all the fuss and energy i expended was on phone and net and not in person. Gosh what a kitsch of nonsense it turned out to be mostly.
Yes this is from a Shahrukh fan......this marks the begining of the end for Sharukh i guess as Bollywood’s best romantic.He simply did not look as good..its fine he fitted the part some may say but heck this movie is for Bollywood i guess and he should look good.
This movie is neither here nor there. Neither is this movie that beautiful chiffon saga which though absolutely unreal is great for people with romantic fantasies Nor is the movie a true class of art realistic story.
It simply irritates you.....its that stupid......its not like the theme is bad or zara hat ke or anything like that..... KANK is pure mixture of good intentions may be but terrible execution. It had what you’d call in software Integration issues(modules in themselves are great but they just dont work together).
If you just take Amitabh’s part as fun track he’s excellent but what the heck in this story is it needed and it seems so unnecessary and cheap.
If you want to know what zero chemistry means watch Shahrukh and Rani.Even the best direction will not make them look convincing as the most soulful lovers.
If you see this movie you will realise what difference Kajol makes to a movie.I thought K3G was a nonsensical movie but then it had such wonderful performances by Kajol and that part of the romance at least was enjoyable and beleivable.Though i hate amitabh’s chauvinist character in it very much.
Sentimentally of course i liked the scene where Amitabh asks Rani to leave Abhishek...honestly at least he would have chance to be loved which he deserved.
Abhishek ‘s great looks wise and acting wise quite touching and so was Preity as the strong one. Rani well i did not expect anything from her. Sharukh oh it was so dissapointing...he simply bored and irritated. What a hopeless character Dev’s character is.
KANK’s most enjoyable scene for me actually was when when Preity Zinta says at the end to Rani...”itni saza bas hai uske liye...nahi...abhi to tumhe Dev ke saath rehna hai”. Honestly living with such a character can be a torture...watching him was enough torture.
Actually the story i thought could have been written so very well if it had been written as a story and not a script which needs comedy, a Mother , a father and some humor and jokes. It was so ridiculous when Sharukh says he felt Rani was his soulmate when he met her on a bench.....Gosh.....I guess love at first sight is better handled by Mani Ratnam..even he gives it some time to sink in.
Even the song picturizations were not as good as usually these movies have.
Now i just am thinking how to avoid if someone asks me to come to see the movie again
as i had told people no issues i’ll come with you again when they asked me to wait till next week.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Conversations
From those animated conversations of those days
to the desperate attempts of these days
to keep the chord from breaking
how well are we traversing life among us
How we speak in familiar words
of whats left unsaid
of unspoken intimacies woven into
aimless chatter
professional banter
How we leave the blank spaces
for we dare not the possibilities
How we take the destined path
for we know the disparities
These conversations too
will become sparse with time
but what will remain is the thought ,
the unspoken and
the never to be spoken
From those animated conversations of those days
to the desperate attempts of these days
to keep the chord from breaking
how well are we traversing life among us
How we speak in familiar words
of whats left unsaid
of unspoken intimacies woven into
aimless chatter
professional banter
How we leave the blank spaces
for we dare not the possibilities
How we take the destined path
for we know the disparities
These conversations too
will become sparse with time
but what will remain is the thought ,
the unspoken and
the never to be spoken
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Some old jottings
'There are two ways of writing,' " one of my favs Wodehouse had written. One of these is " 'a sort of musical comedy without music and ignoring real life altogether; the other is going right deep down into life and not caring a damn.' "
I sure started off the second way.....but some where deep down i seem to be so fed up ive graduated to the first one these days.I find life one sick comedy.
Another of those things i picked up from my old jottings...........
i find it amazingly funny to read now as i will find the whole of my blog one day i know.....cant beleive how numbed life makes you slowly.It was written i guess with lot of pain and now i guess about it what a joke...........................
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can you run run fast run away
from this maddening place
this chilling fear this hopeless life
this frustrating fight
this writhing heart this troubled soul
how to run where to run from this world
of right and wrongs silks and gold
i used to run to my dreams blue skies fragrant air
vast encompassing life in bright eyes
hearty smiles in hope's own world
but they woke me up to this bonded ugly world
where there was no place to dream of freedom
to wish for those small cherished smile
to feel love simply love without the bonds
and the rights to feel the breeze brushing your tangled air
to laugh at your folishness
to love all crazy things
they all fought me to make me give up my wish
my beleif that my dreams would come true someday
sometime the weary mind sought peace and gave up
but did it find peace
the heart chose to be foolish but then it doesn't have eyes ears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'There are two ways of writing,' " one of my favs Wodehouse had written. One of these is " 'a sort of musical comedy without music and ignoring real life altogether; the other is going right deep down into life and not caring a damn.' "
I sure started off the second way.....but some where deep down i seem to be so fed up ive graduated to the first one these days.I find life one sick comedy.
Another of those things i picked up from my old jottings...........
i find it amazingly funny to read now as i will find the whole of my blog one day i know.....cant beleive how numbed life makes you slowly.It was written i guess with lot of pain and now i guess about it what a joke...........................
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can you run run fast run away
from this maddening place
this chilling fear this hopeless life
this frustrating fight
this writhing heart this troubled soul
how to run where to run from this world
of right and wrongs silks and gold
i used to run to my dreams blue skies fragrant air
vast encompassing life in bright eyes
hearty smiles in hope's own world
but they woke me up to this bonded ugly world
where there was no place to dream of freedom
to wish for those small cherished smile
to feel love simply love without the bonds
and the rights to feel the breeze brushing your tangled air
to laugh at your folishness
to love all crazy things
they all fought me to make me give up my wish
my beleif that my dreams would come true someday
sometime the weary mind sought peace and gave up
but did it find peace
the heart chose to be foolish but then it doesn't have eyes ears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, July 24, 2006
Some Nonsensical drama this is...............
Well its hard sometimes to be so very much a part of a drama and yet be outside it.This is very badly written because the manipulation involved here are so hard to capture in my mind leave alone in writing.
One fine day last month my friend and teammate V decided anough is enough i will change my job and being the quite well qualified and clever and skilled gal she is she was snapped up real fast and offered a nice package with almost 130% hike....with only one glitch ...... come soon 2 months is not feasible for us to wait but the way things are here she was no way going to be given the releiving letter.
Well anyway the resignation itself was dramatic.After being asked to be patient for almost 5 to 6 months she was given a new project a day before she got her new job i.e on Friday.Monday morning she had to join and she took off on Friday saying she's sick.
She came in Monday and our TL with the same concern dripping face asked so hru ...u've to join the new project and got the reply...
"hmm yeah im fine btw did u check ur mail i sent u my resignation letter".
TL's face was drained...oh i missed that.
Now i knew this since the day this started Round 1 to the offer letter i knew of.....and from the other side i knew of how they were planning to move her.Ah to keep quiet..........its so hard....when people go on and on about plans that i know will be dashed.
It shocked enough people and worried more because they knew of our group the coffee room group which eats together leaves together and may leave the company together.Every call on my cell i am viewed with suspicion.
And then started V's torture meetings with TL and PL(every resignee in my organization is subjected to this).What went wrong...Why ...Why..Why...and being the brash fresher she is she spoke all her heart out.Remember wht u said "Did i say that" when i asked u said "ull give me appraisal in the next few months " so you may say anything how can i beleive you?
Its very hard to tell these young people not to get personal but then for them TL was the one who denied them good projects and a better appraisal and this was the moment they were waiting for.Only when she quoted her CTC did they become a bit quite but still they feel they are the wronged party.They want Loyalty Gosh whatever for......this is profession ...business.
V was told it seems " I will not accept"( Huh are we bonded labor here).
Now i discuss the whole thing so loudly and its like strange no one is yet telling of it. I mean literally this whole thing was carried out from my System comfortably at the safe end row...i reviewed the resignation whose template was provided by a previous guy who resigned. before it was sent....hmm strange life.
We often joke lets put the Resignation Template also in the source safe repository.
Two days later the next girl in our group P was called and asked are you looking out ...she was more forthright "yes i am" and then at EOD put in her papers.Now it is like we know who's next even though i am not looking actively i am being suspected.The PL put it all on TL ..they dont like the TL so they are leaving ...dont know why they dont come and tell me .HUh talk of finding Scapegoats.
Now all this is a boring diary.The troubling part started next.....After the shock was absorbed they though why not renegotiate and hence one friend of each was called and i was among then.
TL:See i want a personal help.You see P is leaving to a small company which is not needed
we may be able to give her a better opportunity here too
Me: Ah well see at this stage of their career they dont think of growth they like to learn maximum, earn maximum .
TL:Well then you could explain that P i have seen more of life(Now if she heard that what i tell P in general not that they need it but somehow i am being used very well as a pep up person by my dear young friends...not that they dont encourage me any less to be next in line).If i tell it will be like a boss thing...you explain.
Me: Ok i'll try... ask P to think and renegotiate with you ppl.
TL: do you really think we pay that low.I for one am not into changing companies.As far as V is concerned i am very upset.I had given her such good opportunities....
Me: Umm....
TL: Look at S group ...they work so well
Me :You really think they'll stay on( I felt like laughing....i could not stop myself..........Wait till their bond is over and they'll show you their true colours) Remember me in Jan...what i said.really i pity some people.
( I knew S's group works really well and enthu all that but dear oh dear they have an appraisal in August and abond till december...uske baad dekho...In fact S is the guy who reports to me...i told him see you have a very good impression with management and he smiled and said wait by Jan who pays more we'll be there no sentiments...thats how open they are....sad part is the mangement refuses to understand the fact that money is one hell of a issue next being technology.
Very few of the fresh 1 or 2 yrs exp people are interested in proces process hangover my TL has.They persuade you to tell the problem...when i tell them its due to money they say nah its due to peer pressure.)
Me: "Its not peer pressure way you think...its more like this everyone has a friend in every company and knows the salary levels and hence wants to be on par.Also when 2 people of same calibre join and one gets chance to work on 10 to 12 diverse projects and one is stuck in one no wonder peer pressure comes in.Peer pressure is not one person forcing other to leave."(Ofcourse i know management refuses to understand this because next day V was called in and told check your behavior dont encourage other to leave...good lord)
Next day when i spoke to P she's like cool yaar ......you've bought me time ....now i will try some more jobs as i dont want to take back my resignation.....somehow even if they pay...i am sick of these people.
Well i dont know what to say.....people dont change much ....all companies have many similar leads mostly and that some how the irony of life which i cant explain to these hopefuls but yeah one thing is sure if for the same suffereing someone's paying you double why not go..............
And then what about me...........I wish i knew....I want to leave but where to...i have a blanks in past which is not a great advertisement on a resume for a big company and do i have to leave just to get into a small company...i mean i've just been having a bit of relaxed time here now.
Its all a question between being comfortable and being out of the comfort zone.Both seem appealing at various times of the day.....I wish i knew where i'll end up.To add to my confusion ....of the endless astrologers my mom goes to quite some said i'll be no good as an employee .... her hand suggests business.........now while that sounds fine i cant think of any damn one business i'd start..and i being so lazy at initiating anything.....
Saturday, July 15, 2006
A Maze of thoughts
The last few days were like a whirlwind....of so many things...that put thoughts in my head...most of which seem lost.
I am no Soccer fan ...i dont watch it...yeah i am more a fanatic of the eleven idiots game and enjoy Tennis but not soccer but that Zidane incident really got me thinking soo much about stuff like why some things affect us more than other things....since childhood.
Its amazing why we think quiet people are calm controlled and all that.I mean i think the quieter you are the more rage you have hidden inside which is all the more harder to control and may spill over at the worst possible time.
Also i thought how you never get over your childhood hurts and past.The pain and troubles you suffer when an adult i guess is just that a pain.It is the hurts that you felt deeply when a child that remain and manifest in strange ways.They somehow never go away.
I always think a a happy childhood often makes people more happy life long rather than all the best things earned later in life.Because sometimes while people may succeed by hard work /chance or what not if they have had a hard childhood while they may eulogize to the world about their growth and acheivement from such pain, poverty....that hurt that pain never goes away deep at heart.Success is satisfaction...success is a slap in the face of all who called you a failure....success is acheivement but it is not happiness i guess.
But if you lived a happy chilhood life and the if you are a failure too later in your life all your life you have those innocent happy memories which will keep you smiling always looking back....however sad life may be today.Those memories never fade...in fact we simply add more to them just to make them more perfect i guess.Yeah they are the wastrels who dont acheive anything or give anything to this world i guess but they live in their facade of past happiness...
Its like that sweet song from Phir teri kahani yaad aayi
Aane wala kal ek sapna hai
Guzra hua kal bas apna hai
hum guzre kal me rehte hai
yaddon ke sab jugnu......
Then there were the Mumbai blasts.Well you read of blasts see them everyday and somehow they seem far from you.But these i think affected the people who think they wont be affected ......much.yes the upper middle class.most who died and were injured i guess were them.
I found it so strange and politically perfect statements in all channels and all over the papers they keep saying how resilient we are and so on and so forth....well what do you expect.what else will they do that will not be worse.
As Frost said it "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
That 6 million people will stop living for 250 people.It seems harsh but that sadly is life .There's no other way.Most Indians live like that.....thats why probably we dont need as many pschychatrists as people in US need after any traumatic incident.We are used to the cruelty of life without needing blasts and terrorists.We live by that great law we named as Karma......
That city though has many faces......and it truly represents the eccentric mix called India.
The same people who save you one day risking all kill the other day.'Maximum City' by Suketu Mehta surely captured it beautifully to some extent and i liked that book.I just could not find its ebook now that ive returned it to the Library.
If all such mixed reflections were not enough there was high voltage tit for tat drama on at my office which left me in strange moodI am posting that seperately.
The last few days were like a whirlwind....of so many things...that put thoughts in my head...most of which seem lost.
I am no Soccer fan ...i dont watch it...yeah i am more a fanatic of the eleven idiots game and enjoy Tennis but not soccer but that Zidane incident really got me thinking soo much about stuff like why some things affect us more than other things....since childhood.
Its amazing why we think quiet people are calm controlled and all that.I mean i think the quieter you are the more rage you have hidden inside which is all the more harder to control and may spill over at the worst possible time.
Also i thought how you never get over your childhood hurts and past.The pain and troubles you suffer when an adult i guess is just that a pain.It is the hurts that you felt deeply when a child that remain and manifest in strange ways.They somehow never go away.
I always think a a happy childhood often makes people more happy life long rather than all the best things earned later in life.Because sometimes while people may succeed by hard work /chance or what not if they have had a hard childhood while they may eulogize to the world about their growth and acheivement from such pain, poverty....that hurt that pain never goes away deep at heart.Success is satisfaction...success is a slap in the face of all who called you a failure....success is acheivement but it is not happiness i guess.
But if you lived a happy chilhood life and the if you are a failure too later in your life all your life you have those innocent happy memories which will keep you smiling always looking back....however sad life may be today.Those memories never fade...in fact we simply add more to them just to make them more perfect i guess.Yeah they are the wastrels who dont acheive anything or give anything to this world i guess but they live in their facade of past happiness...
Its like that sweet song from Phir teri kahani yaad aayi
Aane wala kal ek sapna hai
Guzra hua kal bas apna hai
hum guzre kal me rehte hai
yaddon ke sab jugnu......
Then there were the Mumbai blasts.Well you read of blasts see them everyday and somehow they seem far from you.But these i think affected the people who think they wont be affected ......much.yes the upper middle class.most who died and were injured i guess were them.
I found it so strange and politically perfect statements in all channels and all over the papers they keep saying how resilient we are and so on and so forth....well what do you expect.what else will they do that will not be worse.
As Frost said it "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
That 6 million people will stop living for 250 people.It seems harsh but that sadly is life .There's no other way.Most Indians live like that.....thats why probably we dont need as many pschychatrists as people in US need after any traumatic incident.We are used to the cruelty of life without needing blasts and terrorists.We live by that great law we named as Karma......
That city though has many faces......and it truly represents the eccentric mix called India.
The same people who save you one day risking all kill the other day.'Maximum City' by Suketu Mehta surely captured it beautifully to some extent and i liked that book.I just could not find its ebook now that ive returned it to the Library.
If all such mixed reflections were not enough there was high voltage tit for tat drama on at my office which left me in strange moodI am posting that seperately.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Of No Solace
But, there are hours of lonely musing,
Such as in evening silence come,
When, soft as birds their pinions closing,
The heart's best feelings gather home.
Then in our souls there seems to languish
A tender grief that is not woe;
And thoughts that once wrung groans of anguish,
Now cause but some mild tears to flow.
This is a part of a really sweet poem called Evening Solace i had copied to my book some time ago.
It actually is so very true what we make such mountains of today.........................we do not consider it worth all the fuss as time moves on....or sometimes time numbs us so much that we just remember what passion it used to arouse at some time....but cant feel it anymore.
I really cant beleive what i used to get moist eyed about those days ....... even these days....actually.I once was almost in tears cause my mom pulled out a favorite plant laden with flowers with a small axe.I never seemed in a mood to forgive her for being so inconsiderate....and now i live in such a barren world and try not to see anything...that reminds me of my past home.
She hated our watching TV those days.......and considered it one invention which would ruin us ....................which she loves now and we hate it.
Sometimes you seem lost and ask yourself what you really want or at the worst do you want ....or you just want all this to end all this wanting and such nonsense......
I guess i almost get everything i want but by the time i get it somewhere down the line it loses its value and power it had of bringing that joy.I did not have a job for long.......by the time i got one it was like a job something to close that issue...it did not bring any joy.Then i thought of getting a bit more of a decent job ..i got it afte some time and yet by that time it was a norm.......and now i have decent job but nothing really great about it....everyone has a better........
I guess it is the same for everyone of us.
My sis's chairman had once once told her reminiscing about the way he built his business when i wanted 1 lakh i had 10000...when i wanted 10 lakhs i had 1 lakh and when i want 1 crore i have 10 lakhs.....its not that money could not be earned its just that its never what you want at any given point of time.
What i hate is the time it takes to get what i want takes away any wish i have left for it.I almost always get things after after i give up on them.Time steals like none.......I cant beleive i used to count every rupee spent to go by bus and internet was so expensive....and now i have it all over the place but no time really and its being there 24x7 is not as useful as it once would have been.
I always chat my friends when i had the whole time in the world to travel and shop selectively haggling and and learn some hobbies all that and this that i had no money..............when i have money i can spend i have no time .........so you just take whats easier.After some time again may be i'll slowly gain that time and comfort but then again money would have its own everyday needs and responsibilities.
But as they say Life is not fair and better get used to it......hmm tryin to...once used to like fighting it now just letting it be.......dont really think its worth all that helluva fight.
Life has remained just that..................a long headache on a noisy street.
P.S: As much as i hate Ekta Kapoor's serials(no i dont hate her...i think she's one helluva smart woman making dumb people pay for her nonsense)............I guess she's not that way off the mark about the the great indian family.I saw proof of it very badly.
We live in a house where the owners stay above and downstairs we saty and beside us stay the owners' brother(sick character who wud be described in some other post) and his wife.This brother basically is a parasite who does some business od knows what and has no qualms about it .The owner a hard working slogging employee brought a brand new Red car and was so excited as he showed it to us.Next morning we saw it scratched in the front completely and only one person could have done that as it was parked right in front of the brother's door....the sister in law....as no one else visited the place not even the servants. We were like shocked honestly....No wonder Ekta Kapoor reigns.
But, there are hours of lonely musing,
Such as in evening silence come,
When, soft as birds their pinions closing,
The heart's best feelings gather home.
Then in our souls there seems to languish
A tender grief that is not woe;
And thoughts that once wrung groans of anguish,
Now cause but some mild tears to flow.
This is a part of a really sweet poem called Evening Solace i had copied to my book some time ago.
It actually is so very true what we make such mountains of today.........................we do not consider it worth all the fuss as time moves on....or sometimes time numbs us so much that we just remember what passion it used to arouse at some time....but cant feel it anymore.
I really cant beleive what i used to get moist eyed about those days ....... even these days....actually.I once was almost in tears cause my mom pulled out a favorite plant laden with flowers with a small axe.I never seemed in a mood to forgive her for being so inconsiderate....and now i live in such a barren world and try not to see anything...that reminds me of my past home.
She hated our watching TV those days.......and considered it one invention which would ruin us ....................which she loves now and we hate it.
Sometimes you seem lost and ask yourself what you really want or at the worst do you want ....or you just want all this to end all this wanting and such nonsense......
I guess i almost get everything i want but by the time i get it somewhere down the line it loses its value and power it had of bringing that joy.I did not have a job for long.......by the time i got one it was like a job something to close that issue...it did not bring any joy.Then i thought of getting a bit more of a decent job ..i got it afte some time and yet by that time it was a norm.......and now i have decent job but nothing really great about it....everyone has a better........
I guess it is the same for everyone of us.
My sis's chairman had once once told her reminiscing about the way he built his business when i wanted 1 lakh i had 10000...when i wanted 10 lakhs i had 1 lakh and when i want 1 crore i have 10 lakhs.....its not that money could not be earned its just that its never what you want at any given point of time.
What i hate is the time it takes to get what i want takes away any wish i have left for it.I almost always get things after after i give up on them.Time steals like none.......I cant beleive i used to count every rupee spent to go by bus and internet was so expensive....and now i have it all over the place but no time really and its being there 24x7 is not as useful as it once would have been.
I always chat my friends when i had the whole time in the world to travel and shop selectively haggling and and learn some hobbies all that and this that i had no money..............when i have money i can spend i have no time .........so you just take whats easier.After some time again may be i'll slowly gain that time and comfort but then again money would have its own everyday needs and responsibilities.
But as they say Life is not fair and better get used to it......hmm tryin to...once used to like fighting it now just letting it be.......dont really think its worth all that helluva fight.
Life has remained just that..................a long headache on a noisy street.
P.S: As much as i hate Ekta Kapoor's serials(no i dont hate her...i think she's one helluva smart woman making dumb people pay for her nonsense)............I guess she's not that way off the mark about the the great indian family.I saw proof of it very badly.
We live in a house where the owners stay above and downstairs we saty and beside us stay the owners' brother(sick character who wud be described in some other post) and his wife.This brother basically is a parasite who does some business od knows what and has no qualms about it .The owner a hard working slogging employee brought a brand new Red car and was so excited as he showed it to us.Next morning we saw it scratched in the front completely and only one person could have done that as it was parked right in front of the brother's door....the sister in law....as no one else visited the place not even the servants. We were like shocked honestly....No wonder Ekta Kapoor reigns.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Health is wealth.....yeah yeah
I might fall sick on Monday that was my last line to a friend on Friday with a twisted smile.....My life and its vagaries go like this.
I did not go to office on Monday....and i did fall sick on Monday with a bad throat and severe headache.......and no friends from office bothered to disturb me assuming that i was relaxing off a long weekend as they only knew.......So when my lead ....damn they dont know how to put it simply said i was really sick esp since i was advised to visit a doc as the symptoms could be of some epidemic around......i actually got scared.So i wasted half of my hard earned leave at a doc's place and did i curse as i waited there.
There were only 3 patients before me.....this is a homeo doc man ....i was like why you need 1 hr nearly for a patient......Finally when i did go in the man i thought i by mistake had visited a psychatrist.
Questions were
Any history of depression.....No i say (no history its always in present i guess).Are you open or secretive.....I decided to be a honest here...hmm a bit secretive.Do you like cold weather.Do you like being alone or having company.Do you take things easy or worry .......(if i took things easy i'd not be here )
The below though were my favs esp since he had seen me waiting in lobby with a real bitter face.
Do you get irritated fast....nah but umm a bit(Do you still need an answer)Do you get angry easily.....Yes but i control it well(I already am very angry with all this)
The funny part is this homeo hospital has a certificate hung thereMicrosoft certified ......signed by bill gates.
Soo funny...then he takes a snap from webcam for records......god my sis made such a mimcry of this....she said to me you should have shouted like village women do ....(kyun ji photo kyun aapko kaun doctor lete hain...nahi nahi ye nahi chalega...kahe ko photo...sehat kharab hai batane aye aapko photo kyun ).
Then when i told her about the pschoanalysis story and how i had to wait 2 hrs for having a 15 min chat...she said....see you may not like saying stories to those answers but there are enough people who open up and tell oh so many stories for such questions.......jaise.....nahi ji gussa aata hai par fir kam hota hai...pehle aur aata tha...aajkal ablah blah....depression lagta tha magar fir mood theek ho jaata but fir lagta nahi main depressed hun...
Hmm i could smile i guess thats her HR field experience.Such a waste of 4 whole days coughing around........nothing like being healthy...heck...i'll go to office everyday pls let me be hale was all i thought.
I might fall sick on Monday that was my last line to a friend on Friday with a twisted smile.....My life and its vagaries go like this.
I did not go to office on Monday....and i did fall sick on Monday with a bad throat and severe headache.......and no friends from office bothered to disturb me assuming that i was relaxing off a long weekend as they only knew.......So when my lead ....damn they dont know how to put it simply said i was really sick esp since i was advised to visit a doc as the symptoms could be of some epidemic around......i actually got scared.So i wasted half of my hard earned leave at a doc's place and did i curse as i waited there.
There were only 3 patients before me.....this is a homeo doc man ....i was like why you need 1 hr nearly for a patient......Finally when i did go in the man i thought i by mistake had visited a psychatrist.
Questions were
Any history of depression.....No i say (no history its always in present i guess).Are you open or secretive.....I decided to be a honest here...hmm a bit secretive.Do you like cold weather.Do you like being alone or having company.Do you take things easy or worry .......(if i took things easy i'd not be here )
The below though were my favs esp since he had seen me waiting in lobby with a real bitter face.
Do you get irritated fast....nah but umm a bit(Do you still need an answer)Do you get angry easily.....Yes but i control it well(I already am very angry with all this)
The funny part is this homeo hospital has a certificate hung thereMicrosoft certified ......signed by bill gates.
Soo funny...then he takes a snap from webcam for records......god my sis made such a mimcry of this....she said to me you should have shouted like village women do ....(kyun ji photo kyun aapko kaun doctor lete hain...nahi nahi ye nahi chalega...kahe ko photo...sehat kharab hai batane aye aapko photo kyun ).
Then when i told her about the pschoanalysis story and how i had to wait 2 hrs for having a 15 min chat...she said....see you may not like saying stories to those answers but there are enough people who open up and tell oh so many stories for such questions.......jaise.....nahi ji gussa aata hai par fir kam hota hai...pehle aur aata tha...aajkal ablah blah....depression lagta tha magar fir mood theek ho jaata but fir lagta nahi main depressed hun...
Hmm i could smile i guess thats her HR field experience.Such a waste of 4 whole days coughing around........nothing like being healthy...heck...i'll go to office everyday pls let me be hale was all i thought.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
The never changing Fixations....
Its been like a year now since i first finally started blogging after thinking about it since sooo long and i was juts looking back and its strange so much has changed and then so much has not changed. My blog started complaining about my managers and work and it still has not changed but what has changed is someone somewhere is also blogging or orkutting complaining about me i guess.
There was so much to write then and i guess i really loved putting it into words at the start ....now with tooo many more things on mind i never seem to get into one single track on which to write about and all my pages are like my life disorganised thoughts leading nowhere but i guess some lives are just that.
As of now after two weekends of travelling out of station and being extremely tired i found a sunday to sit at home and my net people did a great favor by disconnecting the internet ( he got an earful for that though with me being pretty upset...i mean no net for 5 days hmmm ) for the whole of the weekend hence i just write rather than browse around meaninglessly or do some useless stuff .
I was remembering what i had once wondered at a previous job when a customer had sobbed saying he had almost 20 GB of songs....we were like smirking does he ever listen to them all. Well today i seem to be in such a situation. With nearly 6 GB of songs and still downloading from here n there at every opportunity i asked myself how much am i listening to compared to those days when i used to play the Tape recorder at my bedside in the lowest volume .I know i never read e books......as i hate reading on screen whatever can be read on paper. But with space constarints i love having ebooks as a reference when i return books to the library. And i keep searching them on orkut...esnips. But i hardly read books now as much as i used to read...for the first time i kept a book for whole of 40 days and did not turn a page and returned it. I do think i should brush up my technical stuff now that i am planning to apply wherever i can but i never do that...it took me a final interview to get to read up the geekinterview.com...though i messed up the interview at least i got started....it shook me from that lazy stupor i have fallen into.
Then as if 2 months of lull was too much i went on my shopping spree again....... As i sat down looking back i know what i was fixated on ....the village house where we stayed at........the trip to that lake was great but i can always say it was an outing but what makes me feel envy is the fact that someone has such a lovely house.......i mean it was lovely ....large pucca house double story with a huge courtyard with all kinds of trees....brinjals hanging and coconuts...there was television.....everything really and a much more servants there.There were no cultured roses but yeah the not so looked after garden had been filled with lavender wildflowers......when i woke up at 8 in morning.My 1 mega pixel cam blurred the pic and turned them to blue flowers which hardly look as great here....By evening 5 they all close and it looks like a barren place again. As i described it to her and said it’d be lovely to be there she laughed and said as if it wont be hard.
I say why hard .......i mean i just am fed up of these small spaces...yes we live here because of amenities.......not sure what are those.........you can find much loyal and willing servants up there. She said yeah you can coz all you will do is have big room with bookshelves and a large garden and television for a change (ok she missed the computer) bas you would be happy.We all have some fixations...If i love flowers in the garden my sister somehow says she loves a vegetable garden though she would not do anything for it she says she’d love if someone grew it. Her favorite she says is tomato plant. The way she says it in Hindi will her eyes rolling is amazing. ”Vaise lal lal fal latakte rehte hain na to lagta hai mehnat ka fal mila jaise bolte na waise mil gaya hai.” she will say. She says how much farmers must love to see their crops esp the ones with such vegetables.
So we argued and finally concluded that while living in village was hardly a cake walk but with money it would be great to have a house like that back to go back to when sick of this place , noise and traffic.Thing is i want to go to office but i don’t want to work.....i need a break from work. Some people just are freaks. We have a small room with the coffee machine and we four girls kind of sit up on the platform and joke for 5 to 10 mins there when we trek up for coffee together. All this changed when one of the senior managers complained to our manager that this must stop as people were feeling embarrassed of coming and taking coffee when girls sat together as if in a college environment.....Hmmm
Seems like at office you should look like you are working hard and tortured not laughing or having fun and joking ...that’s what I remembered then....... lot of the people certainly have a problem if they see others laughing .....they simply don’t believe in that phrase live and let live. Neither do they live nor let others live.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Living it up ...hypocritically
We all hate hypocrisy....or so we say....and yet so much of what we do is based on that.Some times i guess we are so scared of admitting somethings that we go on lying to ourselves.
Thats why may be the anonymity of a blog helps.......a friend sent an orkut invite and hence got an orkut account finally and browsed around a bit....though my primary use is ebooks frankly....coz i dont find making friends in there any good.... i mean i find it strange what to beleive in people out there.
The strange profiles with contradictory statements...actually this i found on blogs too...so many people write such great revolutionary kind of stuff on blogs....where are they all in reality....why do you see scared....conformist people all around you while on these blogs and orkut you see all non conformists.
Its a strange contradiction i always wonder about...i thought may be i do not get along with people that much but the more i see people the more i feel we are becoming hypocrites.I mean earlier people had some sick ....traditional ways may be but that was it.....no pretences.If you are a hard core relegious person so they stated it.Now people always are politically correct....be if about their views on women, relegion, caste ,social issues.
I came across this blog
http://skuvce.blogspot.com/2006/05/caste-caste-is-one-of-great.html while just browsing and was amazed or releived that someone observed what i too observed....when i browsed orkut.
A part of that is quoted here
"The hypocrisy of the Ayn Rand toting youth is pretty evident in their obsession with Caste and Identity. While it is considered politically incorrect to inquire about someone's caste, Caste remains something very close to everyone's hearts. ......................I could sense this while surfing profiles randomly on the orkut community yesterday.
Orkut is a social networking hub which is predominantly used by Internet-savvy, twenty-somethings. Many among my own list of acquaintances describe themselves as 'Atheists', 'Agnostics' and 'Humanists' in their profiles.
Yet, you'll find the same blokes in the 'Thenkalai Iyengar' and 'Havyaka Brahmin' communities ;)Strange, but apparently our friends don't sense a contradiction.The maniacal obsession with Identity is scary.There is a community for almost everysub-caste on orkut.... Iyengar, Reddys, Iyers, Agarwals, Jats, Kauls, GSB's, Dalits...you name it."
Thats probably a very high level scenario but even in small things in life there's so much hypocrisy.The more bigger money you want to earn the more you get in multinational companies with intercaste interacial...intercultural interactions the more we develop our hypocrisises.
We smile ..... and smile..... 24x7 fall over bend backwards to please that 'gora guy' who gets you projects and then take away out hearts venom by cracking jokes behind them about them.
Its all about being politically correct not about having an opinion ....
We all hate hypocrisy....or so we say....and yet so much of what we do is based on that.Some times i guess we are so scared of admitting somethings that we go on lying to ourselves.
Thats why may be the anonymity of a blog helps.......a friend sent an orkut invite and hence got an orkut account finally and browsed around a bit....though my primary use is ebooks frankly....coz i dont find making friends in there any good.... i mean i find it strange what to beleive in people out there.
The strange profiles with contradictory statements...actually this i found on blogs too...so many people write such great revolutionary kind of stuff on blogs....where are they all in reality....why do you see scared....conformist people all around you while on these blogs and orkut you see all non conformists.
Its a strange contradiction i always wonder about...i thought may be i do not get along with people that much but the more i see people the more i feel we are becoming hypocrites.I mean earlier people had some sick ....traditional ways may be but that was it.....no pretences.If you are a hard core relegious person so they stated it.Now people always are politically correct....be if about their views on women, relegion, caste ,social issues.
I came across this blog
http://skuvce.blogspot.com/2006/05/caste-caste-is-one-of-great.html while just browsing and was amazed or releived that someone observed what i too observed....when i browsed orkut.
A part of that is quoted here
"The hypocrisy of the Ayn Rand toting youth is pretty evident in their obsession with Caste and Identity. While it is considered politically incorrect to inquire about someone's caste, Caste remains something very close to everyone's hearts. ......................I could sense this while surfing profiles randomly on the orkut community yesterday.
Orkut is a social networking hub which is predominantly used by Internet-savvy, twenty-somethings. Many among my own list of acquaintances describe themselves as 'Atheists', 'Agnostics' and 'Humanists' in their profiles.
Yet, you'll find the same blokes in the 'Thenkalai Iyengar' and 'Havyaka Brahmin' communities ;)Strange, but apparently our friends don't sense a contradiction.The maniacal obsession with Identity is scary.There is a community for almost everysub-caste on orkut.... Iyengar, Reddys, Iyers, Agarwals, Jats, Kauls, GSB's, Dalits...you name it."
Thats probably a very high level scenario but even in small things in life there's so much hypocrisy.The more bigger money you want to earn the more you get in multinational companies with intercaste interacial...intercultural interactions the more we develop our hypocrisises.
We smile ..... and smile..... 24x7 fall over bend backwards to please that 'gora guy' who gets you projects and then take away out hearts venom by cracking jokes behind them about them.
Its all about being politically correct not about having an opinion ....
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Just keeping track of the days.....
I really wanna move out of this place i am living in soon...since we've come into this house i have been losing things regularly.....sometimes small some big.
Well last fortnight some one had cut the mosquito net set at window near my parents room.A few days later mom woke me up by vigorous shaking.....that some one had burnt a nice part of the mosquito net of the front room and my computer beside it was turned towards the window rather than the opposite way which was normal.(Thank god this happened after my Dad's visit else it would have been a locked up life.)
She found CD's strewn in front of the door and my headphones lying beside the door of the neighboring house.
Now started the discussion....what was lost ....nothing we could not remember any.....neighbours above and beside came and so all feasible stuff discussed.Since no thief would throw a headphones and go what was the objective asked neighbors.... scaring?....oh this that and what not....do you people have any enemies....Gosh we had to try hard to remember something.
It took me 4 days to realise that whoever came had stolen my Sony Walkman .......and while running the headphones must've dropped.......(such is my memory and organization of stuff).Never was anyone at home so relieved to know that it was a thief afer all....though now i have to cook up something to tell my dad as i'll get some nice dose for being careless ....blah blah...earlier it was "you ppl cannot earn a penny....now the regular stuff is just bcoz u ppl earn a bit you dont understand the value of money".........Such is the way things go on....
Whole day today busy with nearly 300 snaps by oh so many people....luckily work pressure was less....wonderful snaps of the really amazing place.
While its easy to complain about so many things as i often do on my blog when you look back you realise some good things.It was a place i could never have visited normally....i mean its pretty much a unknown place and hence sheer good fortune that i happened to be in a team that had someone with access to such a place.
Added to it one of the guys had added comments and a documentary about the trip to the snaps in the local language which was like amazing.Very few people today can honestly speak in such wonderful regional lingo.Really enjoyed it.....hard though it was for me to read and understand it.
All this seems to suspend the time somewhere looking back ....as there is oh so many other things which are at a really bad turning point.. ........ With the way thing are though i am convinced that life is all about the present moment.......somewhere again but then you feel life is and was i guess all about moments....a few which you hope for a few which you look back on.
Its something i never can be sure of which side i am on.....living for.....todays moments?....or yesterdays moments? or moments you hope would be tommorow?
As if i have less confusions i seek out more of em......
I really wanna move out of this place i am living in soon...since we've come into this house i have been losing things regularly.....sometimes small some big.
Well last fortnight some one had cut the mosquito net set at window near my parents room.A few days later mom woke me up by vigorous shaking.....that some one had burnt a nice part of the mosquito net of the front room and my computer beside it was turned towards the window rather than the opposite way which was normal.(Thank god this happened after my Dad's visit else it would have been a locked up life.)
She found CD's strewn in front of the door and my headphones lying beside the door of the neighboring house.
Now started the discussion....what was lost ....nothing we could not remember any.....neighbours above and beside came and so all feasible stuff discussed.Since no thief would throw a headphones and go what was the objective asked neighbors.... scaring?....oh this that and what not....do you people have any enemies....Gosh we had to try hard to remember something.
It took me 4 days to realise that whoever came had stolen my Sony Walkman .......and while running the headphones must've dropped.......(such is my memory and organization of stuff).Never was anyone at home so relieved to know that it was a thief afer all....though now i have to cook up something to tell my dad as i'll get some nice dose for being careless ....blah blah...earlier it was "you ppl cannot earn a penny....now the regular stuff is just bcoz u ppl earn a bit you dont understand the value of money".........Such is the way things go on....
Whole day today busy with nearly 300 snaps by oh so many people....luckily work pressure was less....wonderful snaps of the really amazing place.
While its easy to complain about so many things as i often do on my blog when you look back you realise some good things.It was a place i could never have visited normally....i mean its pretty much a unknown place and hence sheer good fortune that i happened to be in a team that had someone with access to such a place.
Added to it one of the guys had added comments and a documentary about the trip to the snaps in the local language which was like amazing.Very few people today can honestly speak in such wonderful regional lingo.Really enjoyed it.....hard though it was for me to read and understand it.
All this seems to suspend the time somewhere looking back ....as there is oh so many other things which are at a really bad turning point.. ........ With the way thing are though i am convinced that life is all about the present moment.......somewhere again but then you feel life is and was i guess all about moments....a few which you hope for a few which you look back on.
Its something i never can be sure of which side i am on.....living for.....todays moments?....or yesterdays moments? or moments you hope would be tommorow?
As if i have less confusions i seek out more of em......
Monday, June 12, 2006
A weekend Trip
Its been sooo long i guess since i wrote but then i was like not getting the time to write when i had things to write in my mind and when i made time to write...i sort of lost the flow.....as there was nothing special..........just life and its strange ways and added to it my strange thoughts.
Well first some good stuff...i wish i would one day write a proper travel blog...........that is if i get enough time space and bucks to travel as i love to really.
So i just write as i write my woes about literally everything...............including this lovely trip last weekend we had to a small nearly not well known in the travel world kinda lake in the jungle....It was really beautiful....The way travel is commercialised....its amazing such places still remain....but it still showcases what marketing is all about.
Hmm i just had my Nokia 6670 and that definitely could not capture the lovely place from a moving bus balancing on narrow mud roads.So here is the only pics i thought was good enough....may be some more from my friends digital cam later.
Actually one of our colleagues happens to be a native of this place and hence this trip was arranged else its absolutely hard to stay in a place which is not on travel map and no guest houses or anything......
Actually one of our colleagues happens to be a native of this place and hence this trip was arranged else its absolutely hard to stay in a place which is not on travel map and no guest houses or anything......
Its a beautiful lake in the middle of a jungle over a mountain.....mud roads have just been repaired after neglect...it used to be some british place for resting while hunting ..... and lovely it was.I dont want to use the same metaphors for great , lovely again and again just sufficient to say it was very natural with absolutely no human pollution visible.
A cool lake surrounded by trees with very small pockets of sand giving it a beach like feel.
Now my woes.....
My new nokia 6670 screen got scratched badly when we were trying to get photographed while getting into the... ahem .... bullock carts for fun.
When you go to a lovely natural place you would want to sit and soak up the feel of the place...not play games and that too football/handball......but then some ppl and in our case the person who got it was a girl....what do i say.
I hate when such stuff is used for Team building.....it only ends up in Team breaking into new teams.
Some people as much as sweet they are i wish would shut up once in a while.....i really find it hard to understand whats so boring in keeping quiet for half an hour.....funnily i always surround myself with such people only....some flaw in me huh??
Why do guys drink on the sly ......cant they skip that in the pretty few rare trips that they have with their female colleagues esp when they cant hold it.....and start acting up. It was just one chap really but it irritated the hell out of all and ruined the mood. More so as he had resigned and had no fear of authority i guess so a bit too high.
Some people love to be spoilsport and suddenly put long faces...knowing well it'll affect everyone....
You go to some architectural temples and half the crowd is only interested in coconuts and the deity in the sanctum and other half in traveling to the next place.
It is fate that some one has such a wonderful and lovely large house with such expansive courtyard and such respectful village hands as we had stayed at....and what not and lives cooped up in small boxed out apartments.
Some gals were so excited at women drawing water from well...”isnt it lovely isnt it lovely” they chirp...well all i could say was...its lovely to visit and see them but hard to live with it daily. Though i adore the lovely calm...large spaces..natural surroundings...large courtyards...palm trees and all stuff of villages.....i am a little less fascinated by people there.....all that stuff of village life ....drawing water...bullocks and such. People are the same everywhere towns cities and villages...varied....but same.....manipulations...egos...powerplay,hero worship, love and hate....just the manifestations are different.
Hmm all in all it was a beautiful place though and considering the fact that i dont wish to stay here long enough for another trip with these set of people it was a good trip too.
But now that im back i have to get serious about all the issues left on the backburner.....
....i.e the politics of promotion in my office....that i guess iwll be next post....though the best way to say it was as one guy said as we entered the city and someone honked a horn bigtime....."welcome back to the town of perfect structures and honking horns."
Its been sooo long i guess since i wrote but then i was like not getting the time to write when i had things to write in my mind and when i made time to write...i sort of lost the flow.....as there was nothing special..........just life and its strange ways and added to it my strange thoughts.
Well first some good stuff...i wish i would one day write a proper travel blog...........that is if i get enough time space and bucks to travel as i love to really.
So i just write as i write my woes about literally everything...............including this lovely trip last weekend we had to a small nearly not well known in the travel world kinda lake in the jungle....It was really beautiful....The way travel is commercialised....its amazing such places still remain....but it still showcases what marketing is all about.
Hmm i just had my Nokia 6670 and that definitely could not capture the lovely place from a moving bus balancing on narrow mud roads.So here is the only pics i thought was good enough....may be some more from my friends digital cam later.
Actually one of our colleagues happens to be a native of this place and hence this trip was arranged else its absolutely hard to stay in a place which is not on travel map and no guest houses or anything......
Actually one of our colleagues happens to be a native of this place and hence this trip was arranged else its absolutely hard to stay in a place which is not on travel map and no guest houses or anything......
Its a beautiful lake in the middle of a jungle over a mountain.....mud roads have just been repaired after neglect...it used to be some british place for resting while hunting ..... and lovely it was.I dont want to use the same metaphors for great , lovely again and again just sufficient to say it was very natural with absolutely no human pollution visible.
A cool lake surrounded by trees with very small pockets of sand giving it a beach like feel.
Now my woes.....
My new nokia 6670 screen got scratched badly when we were trying to get photographed while getting into the... ahem .... bullock carts for fun.
When you go to a lovely natural place you would want to sit and soak up the feel of the place...not play games and that too football/handball......but then some ppl and in our case the person who got it was a girl....what do i say.
I hate when such stuff is used for Team building.....it only ends up in Team breaking into new teams.
Some people as much as sweet they are i wish would shut up once in a while.....i really find it hard to understand whats so boring in keeping quiet for half an hour.....funnily i always surround myself with such people only....some flaw in me huh??
Why do guys drink on the sly ......cant they skip that in the pretty few rare trips that they have with their female colleagues esp when they cant hold it.....and start acting up. It was just one chap really but it irritated the hell out of all and ruined the mood. More so as he had resigned and had no fear of authority i guess so a bit too high.
Some people love to be spoilsport and suddenly put long faces...knowing well it'll affect everyone....
You go to some architectural temples and half the crowd is only interested in coconuts and the deity in the sanctum and other half in traveling to the next place.
It is fate that some one has such a wonderful and lovely large house with such expansive courtyard and such respectful village hands as we had stayed at....and what not and lives cooped up in small boxed out apartments.
Some gals were so excited at women drawing water from well...”isnt it lovely isnt it lovely” they chirp...well all i could say was...its lovely to visit and see them but hard to live with it daily. Though i adore the lovely calm...large spaces..natural surroundings...large courtyards...palm trees and all stuff of villages.....i am a little less fascinated by people there.....all that stuff of village life ....drawing water...bullocks and such. People are the same everywhere towns cities and villages...varied....but same.....manipulations...egos...powerplay,hero worship, love and hate....just the manifestations are different.
Hmm all in all it was a beautiful place though and considering the fact that i dont wish to stay here long enough for another trip with these set of people it was a good trip too.
But now that im back i have to get serious about all the issues left on the backburner.....
....i.e the politics of promotion in my office....that i guess iwll be next post....though the best way to say it was as one guy said as we entered the city and someone honked a horn bigtime....."welcome back to the town of perfect structures and honking horns."
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