Another rant - unfair unfair and what not


Ok after a long time one of those pure rant posts. I had lots of nonsensical reading I was hoping to post about all that
but you see nothing inspires you out of laziness than such as below

Had one of those world is unfair moments - I mean you know thats how things are in the world but still when it stares at your face you have those moments when only may be Calvin saves you

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Accessed someone's resume when was left accessible.

Of course one expects resumes are pumped up and overblown version of work,but what I saw blew me away
This person happens to be the lowest contributor of our very small team of five which was well overblown to 9
but well designation is module lead, but thats acceptable in these cases

The contribution section was filled with past 3 years of my job description - tools on which she never worked or knows a line of
- added with the sheer confidence of a person who knows the opposite person also wont know that tool since its rare enough ,so one can always talk
- and of course extra fluff called motivating team members and what not

Yeah in a true blue interview not much of all this stands but it does two things
1. It spoils resume of people who truly worked on that stuff in general I feel - stupid may be but I feel it at times
2. how many true blue interviews happen really - esp if the lady's a smashing bong with a seniormost executive hubby
- how she got in here itself is sheer fate - my stupid lead engg at that time said " its ok we are not getting that skillset, we can always teach them" - thats a different matter he regretted it deeply withing few months - but well so what that chaps gone , but here she is .
Yeah guts to fake it - is also guts - and well appreciate it

She's a pretty fine person , with a very cute child and great circle of friends and well that simply adds to that thing nah
world is unfair - I know - I know so what - I can still rant - say its unfair

It takes time though to sink in - accepting the unfairness of it all and my stupidity in various other things.
I need to get some serious sleep to get over all such thoughts.
But essentially thats what I am doing since last 1 week after taking literally over a fortnight off
- a house arrested vacation.
Now that sure will make some one say
- hey its unfair - yeah it is - it surely is :)

Random Rambles


This should actually be a seperate post. RGV deserves that but I am too lost in my worries (I add my saga to the end),and he put across a opinion which sort of merged into my thoughts I mix it up here.
Ram Gopal varma - have known quite a few fanatics of his. Have seen some of his movies which are too good and some too hilarious.
Seriously Thank god I watched Daud in TV. In theater I dont know how I could have managed.
The music of Dauuuuud... itself felt so hilarious.
But this isnt about his movies really. I did not like him much as a person as his visions seem like he's still stuck in some crazy
curiosity associated with teenage boys - his potrayal of his leading ladies/his horror fixation.

But I dont know waiting at which place I flipped through which magazine/news wherein I read a interview of his where he said something like this
" If I need to think why would I go to a woman. I would open a book"
Now its not a comment that makes any woman happy , but the guy I thought was being quite honest and I admired that then and that thought stayed with me . Till I saw this tweet by him and again thought.
Well all said and done he just put honestly a very uncomfortable truth.
"The biggest lie is that hard work pays nd ths is mainly propogated by smart non workers who live off the stupid hard workers"

The thought and some other stuff and my life's bad twists got me started off on reading "fooled by randomness".
The goings slow but will post on that later.
So well its been terrible time .Its like something which was nothing has snowballed into horrid stuff.

Its actually not as horrible if only , if only I could develop that Take It easy policy.Its a hard hard bargain.Easy to say but tough to live upto .But some of the most idiotic people have that attitude and thats what carries them through.
Actually all managers Ive seen who really want to see you move up gave one simple advice - dont worry about people's grumbles and mumbles .
I find it unlike others easier to implement it in life - but hard when it relates to work.

I once had a flare up with a team member regarding some work assigned and he mumbled something I got into the - lets clear this up mode and my manager calls me up and explains - come on its ok just ignore.

Similarly a friend who was sort of upset about being labelled too aggressive by a set of people who did not like being questioned
about timelines (esp by a lady)spoke to her senior manager who just smiled and re-iterated the same advice.
Ignore it - its part of the job.
(Heard of someone who happen to know by grapevine as a very bindaas - "I wont work" kind of cool person and
he got into IT's most hallowed places.You could see the pain it causes to the people
who really passionately go about work. But well as they say high up there what you need is a bindaas take it easy person.
You cant go crazy everytime something crashes. But yeah that news sort of made me feel think a trifle
less of the only company I ever admired(I am not a great fan of big organizations , though been with few and still am).
I always thought - oh what could I do there - (its for the hot shot developers and ultra smart genius game changers and what not - but well times change or our perspectives change)

Now this is all very nice if you have the support - but its a bit hard to take when you are on your own.

Added to that many women simply are worriers - I admit that and give up , we worry way too much.I know it yet its hard to change. Also you think you are cool and over most stuff by now and still at the crunch you just have that pent up emotion.

I have like a soap opera in my head running continuosly - if this is said , this is to be answered . If that then this and what not.
I am never a self help book person - I actually feel beyond help to speak the truth.
but one book I had once bookmarked to check someday was "Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life"

My greatest problem despite all the wonderful advice I have read and know is still the same.
You see a email, you are infuriated , reply reply now.

Forget fury - In any case I have a terrible habit with email - I need to reply and be done with them.
No other way I seem to be at peace.
A huge disadvantage well wishers have advised.
The best successful people are those who as the quote says.
"I love work. I can stare at it for hours"

So I spoiled a whole day in fury , being upset and what not and ringing up people up north and down south to
get a handle on my nerves and stop behaving like the idiot that I inherently seem to be.

I mean what are you supposed to answer when someone arrogantly (OK I exaggerate that chilling calm voice is what I take as arrogance)states as a benefit of working in this place for over 2 years
"Where did you work previously (i.e its some small mid sized place)- here youve worked on blah blah - a big blah"
And I react
" Oh yeah So what ?? the next blah product you ask me to look at - well the manager there will also say
- I gave you the big chance on this blah , Did you ever work on this kind of blah"

I forgot - I forgot big time - that managers are also human beings
and human beings have egos
and a human being who happens to be a manager and Indian usually tends to have a big big ego.
Add to it the calm ones who are polished and nurse the hurts like a wound which does not augur well for little people like me.

And then just when I was trying to soothe myself from all the woes being visited upon me - I had a surprise situation.
A complete blackout. No power no transport and absolutely locked up for a day away from all this.

I thought I would gain some perspective , but I seem to have lost it, dont know why.
I actually have self diagnosed myself as having a problem of inertia.
When I work on onething I find it hard to leave it and do something else.Even if its not my job - even if its not worth from a payoff
perspective. If I find it good enough to get it started I kind of persist on it.
Similarly When I dont work and veer off to movies and books , work seems like a necessary evil and hard to get started on.
This extends to many other things which includes like not looking for a change.
But fortunately or unfortunately - strange circumstances happen - which finally get me moving every couple of the years.
Seems the next cycle has started.


Anyways its great to listen to stuff you pretty much know and actually might have said to them once from friends.
It reaffirms the whole thing again and makes us feel good.Same stuff we repeat to each other when times are bad , but it does help.
Like one freind told me a such stuff - to calm my mood - part of which I sort had once told her in different words though.Nothing new.
"See if I hire a servant from a village, and she looks after my in laws fine and is very helpful to guests but I dont seem to be
her priority I will still complain right. So it happens let it go."
Then she added her hubby's wise statements to it.(Ok I let it pass that he's a manager)
See if your existing servant whom you started off asks for a 30% hike you scowl. She leaves - you hire a new one at 50%.
And those are the facts of the world we live in."


Actually I previously had a co-worker who for all his faults had a great sense of humor.
He once remarked women are perfect for QA - they have inherent qualities for it.
i.e they find find faults with everything and anything - Nothing seems satisfying enough.


The verdict though has been clean and clear from pretty much my close friends I know.
"You think way too much - what is there to think so much about trying for alternative job.
First try and then you can think - and dont over- react as if your job is in jeopardy (they know the whole issue is simply which
manager gets to suffer me now that I am angry)
You are one hell of a coward deep inside when it comes to yourself - in initiating the change"

Yeah I find it hard to disagree, - but I have my reasons
and at this point they say thats the hard part
"your reasoning is totally flawed but hard to argue with you" -
So I start being a little courageous for myself. After all

"Courage is the fear of being thought a coward. ~Horace Smith"

Ahem the Appreciation(Mails)

I had been on this thought since the last fortnight or so but finally in this rainy sleepless night have managed to key it in.


"Feeling appreciated is one of the most important needs that people have.
When you share with someone your appreciation and gratitude, they will not forget you. Appreciation will return to you many times."
Steve Brunkhorst

Beautiful and True - If only it wasn't developed into a fake art.

Appreciationsor rather appreciation mails form one of the most important part and parcel of what we call our corporate jobs.
Oh well even government jobs have some appreciation I learnt when I saw my father display some of his stuff.

Its the perfect alternative cited by the hallowed managers as what one must go after instead of materialistic compensation.
Even if for a moment you believe them you will only end up in dissapointment with how much of all this is fake.
All I want to know is - if I have some one honest enough to let me in on the secret do they believe it themselevs
and most importantly do they think that all their reportees are such blind fools not to see it through.

I guess at the core there are two kinds of appreciation mails - the original and the fake

The genuine and really heartfelt ones - rare from our managers in India, relatively easier to get from overseas customers/managers
Here while some are real nice and make you feel really appreciated ,some are a tad too
profuse and dramatic to the point of being embarassing at times.

Fakes as always have more variety unlike originals - so three very basic varieties

First are the obligatory ones sent - usually in response to one appreciation - its kind of like retweet on twitter

Someone from the top appreciates someone - and so they feel obligated to appreciate to appease the original top honcho
- Good job , Great job blah blah.
And they want us to believe they appreciate. Heck !!

Second are the compulsive appreciators. The ones who appreciate as a mean to appease themselves - something like
"I am on top I have the power to appreciate."
So they send a good job - Wonderful and such one liners for every task by email

Last comes the calculated appreciations a hybrid of the above two
The ones with the right cc , with the right cut copy and paste .The ones which dont just feel fake, but in someway seem to
want to ensure its obvious the are fake - the mean art of appreciation.

Thought about it when we received a appreciation mail for some work from a Sr manager abroad in very simple
genuine almost handwritten letter kind of words.
Felt nice though,No big deal we felt ,apart from the fact that we had to do a
rarity in our project - work late till midnight for just a day.
The cc list was a bit too high up , I almost felt - why the heck.
And then a follow up mail a week later to it saying the customer too was very happy and we were like - uff let it be please.
Glad to hear and love that you appreciate.

And here it wouldve ended but for the fake drama that ensued.
First the clueless immediate manager wants to know - umm what was that for.

I reply back - I did blah blah ...
A did mwha mwha ....

And then in half an hour it gets retweeted to another cc list as I said

Good job B for doing blah blah
Good Job A for mwha mwha . keep it up

Some say this is needed to spread the word. May be it is - So a Good Job with the Fwd will suffice ,
but when you start doing cut copy paste in such manner of my own words - back to me its a fake and makes me despise you for the fakeness.

This is why its probably better to go after materialistic compensation. At least the fakes there have some use till discovered as fakes.

And so it goes...

Its been a messy career move for me, the last one I did I guess. Quite unhappy here in every aspect.
Why do you need to ask for what you deserve??
I refuse to - not a great career plan , but what the heck !!
Its time for them to get what they deserve.
Ive got to move out of this comfort zone Ive gotten myself into. More on that later.

Extremely boring stuff ahead .....

OK Fate has conspired to ensure that I finally write a post after what seems ages since I last did.
Happenings are perfect -
A mid year\review discussion at office - the kind that makes me desperate to vent out.
And I forgot my laptop charger at the office so no busy busy work .
Its a forced break from work this weekend and Im detemined to make most of it.

As a first proof of my maturity or mellowing down with age I will not unlike my previous posts ham and ham about horrible management.

Lets start it with some unsaid thoughts. I had thought and thought in in myriad hues - about saying this and that months ago but then this got planned suddenly this month and I was not really up with my exact punchlines . Sad hmm.

Life is cruel , My manager received a terrible feedback himself from his team (I was cruelly neutral as has he been) as his scores were out just a week back and the fella while sportingly trying to recover from it goes in for another review and I say Im unhappy and so on....

I have no scope here...this that ....
I am told about how scope in product companies are different (slow moving wonderful elephants).
Then I am asked what have you done for your product and you talk of scope and so on and forth about the innovation and differentiation.

Anyways Ive lost the plot honestly these days.There is lot of back flashes to all this wherein
I am the angry frustrated person among the oh so cool acting people lecturing like "Baba Whatsoever" saying
Take it easy , Calm Calm Cool it while muttering and simmering inside and being sarcastic whenever opportunity arises.

Neverthless when I complain about no feedback - I am told I've been told earlier too to schedule a meeting to discuss such important issues.
But I finally get one, I think you should be quite successful but you see you seem to come across as a very harsh person ,whom people are not keen on approaching but people like we who work with you
find you quite fine. So you should be some one people should ant to work for.
Now I quite sportingly said "I take that"
What I left unsaid is You are not the first person and you wont be the LAST to say this.

Faking it is the greatest corporate mantra (or may be the way life is supposed to be).Show a little emotion and you are frustrated. WoW
Serves me right for ignoring all my assumptions about the big MNC's. But the thing is I'm quite tired in Life and et I have to look forward and plan a move to get any raise.
Half Glass Empty Thinking - First Time in my career - Over 18 months - and no raise and no diamonds
Half Glass Full Thinking - First Recession seen in life (ok lets not think the IT crash of 2000)

Some Nonsense I'm living with and a Gross Misjudgement on my part

This has been one hell of a stupid kind of fortnight since the new year. As ever appraisal time are as evidenced on my blog are usually very drama oriented.
This year at this new place I am may be doing a complete U turn and writing a defence for the other side. But what is bloody uncomfortable is I am a fringe player in this drama and yet it has affected my mood worse than when I was at the center.

When I was at the center it was a one or two day thing of fretting and fuming and a post or two here - thats it - then get on with it - the work the life. Now its like there’s filth all around and every other day something sticks on as you stand at the fringes thats the feeling.

This is going to be another of those boring long post to shake off some of that feeling .

Joining a new project /organization especially one where most people have stuck on within themselves together hating it - too much with the mood similar to the “better or worse” norm - for a minimum of three years - (I dont know the maximum ) it is tough enough for someone who’s slightly socially challenged and has dripping sarcasm and being single open for speculation.

But what’s worse here is unlike most places where work somehow due to its sheer quantity and the competition took precedence and blunted the direct effect of such gossip and its different side effects. Here the frustrations and ill will is played out like an art - the sort it probably was done during the Cold War.

When I joined I was the first member of a new team in a set of very old teams working together to safeguard what they could retain by merging into a huge corporation.They like the brand name now but are not willing to give up their secrets or rather what they believe is the result of their hard word and experience to anyone new - their only source of security.

In a way I am fortunate I feel . It could have been worse but then if it were may be I’d have run off again .
I mean I was put in a brand new team - with brand new people and a manager who too belonged to the newer brand .So I kept myself relatively isolated but then our work inherently depends on the old guard. Why they hired us - under what great/ inner agendas this whole thing is going on is yet unclear. Suffice it to say that our team has a slightly differential status as its more specialized in a generic area and not deeply competent on a product only which most here are .
Thus as of now we have lesser work(Not that we mind it - but we were at times desperate to do something more).This sure hurts people who believe they are a slogging workhouse.But well thats ok, I’ll take it any day.

When I came in first the most problematic timing was the lunch. You never knew where to go. In fact I believe it mostly is in any new place and even in older places. One excellent piece on this scenario which is very close to my experience is described in an excellent manner at this blog.

Started out in the inhouse cafeteria room where women who get lunch boxes converge but as I heard the saas bahu sagas and people started getting too personal it made me flee. Luckily new team member A joined and our manager too joined them- being new in this location himself somehow to lunch with the team.He’s pretty easy going and casual and so we did not mind and hence 4 of us lunch together i.e 2 of whom report to him.Now I had very deliberately avoided my managers at lunch(despite their nice efforts - i was quite abrupt) in my previous jobs. That I preferred the opposite scenario now is in itself is obvious of what I think of the rest of the crowd.This was setting myself up for some crap from mean people but I was prepared for this .

It is relieving to walk to a different building where the canteen is as unlike my previous place where I was hardly at my desk I am glued to my desk here - work or no work.
It feels better to hear a bit of nonsense about politics cricket or some work related crap rather than being questioned about how your mom allows you this and my mother in law is against this or doesnt your sister get bored now that she has no job.The faked concerns just get to me .Dont know some are may be genuine but I neverthless dislike it.

I am a dull person usually so I surely feel fine when there are abit of effusive and talkative people around , and in such a new place there was this vibrant and fun girl R a northie slightly loud but easy to get along.
I was not down south at the age when people acquire tastes and feel I lack that understanding and appreciation for the South Indian movies and jokes which seem essential to a lot of conversation without getting into personal matters of home caste and family.
The one thing about her was she spoke out which seemed better to me most of the others who spoke at the back.
R simply is very well known and chats non stop about her family ,lovely daughter and has a tendency to get very concerned about personal life of others (something she denied vehemently and has now taken as a personal affront - as her new manager now which happens to be my manager(Ah Irony) pointed out that she paid more attention to personal matters- now I pointed out that at least thats how she come across as - even though she does work very hard ).I sure should have more sense to keep my mouth shut but I just tried being some good friend and tried to explain why she is perceived by the management and she should act slightly professional - rather than just going on about my work is professional stuff. By my stupid advice I invited some more cold professional vibes.

I would have cared two hoots but for the fact that I have been assigned something like a consultant on a tool to her and thats being my nemesis.

Thing is for once I simply MISJUGED hugely the amount of trouble being friendly with her will cause.(this post must be a lesson learnt for me).
Not only that I spoke a bit more about others with her than I now feel I should have.
My manager said once you should drive R to finish this job soon now that you too are part of helping her - I felt very upset the way I was being used here by both people.
She walks up with errors and expects me to instantly answer them without any trial and error i.e if you try to compile and check - oh I have done that - next what and next what and acts as though thats what a consultant is for.When you tell her that may be her OS is corrupted and not the tool as ntdll is a windows file she gives a decent shrug - oh thanks a lot dear .
If she was the same from the start I dont mind - this drama started since the day she talked about her management feedback discussion and I gave my stupid friendly advice.(Silence is golden I remind myself so much now again after

damage is done)

She’s built a deep seated negativity about my manager due to one of her past friends who while quitting had enough fracas with this manager.She vents it out in ways our team is rather uncomfortable with and me and A both find it unpalatable. He’s hardly a great manager - too indecisive ,too much of a loyalist and has a too much of the traditionalist approach at times - and for me the worst part is sometimes he gives too much of a free hand at work which people take liberty with - including me at times- but he’s as fair enough as they come I felt .

The Appraisal discussion week is the week of long faces all over.Whatever it is the repercussions were so bad that finally the poor exhausted manager confessed to us- (that such a assumption would be made was news to him was new to me, I thought that its an expected scenario).
“People here are so unprofessional that almost everyone here it seems expected that you two would be rated higher by me due to our being very friendly at lunch.But what to tell them that even you two are extremely displeased with my rating“.

This was because we both expressed serious concerns and had record of nearly 2 hrs each of furious discussion over it

with him .

Though on my part I simply used it to vent all my concerns over work and all and I dare say his experience in managerial diplomacy was appreciable.
For most of the part I really was fine with the rating simply because the work I did as per me just good and I do not consider it anyway excellent by my own standards.The tragedy is there’s no one in the project with better standards.
Our moot concern was if you dont give us work how do we display our competence and he countered it in standard managerial way.
Go beyond you duty - come and ask and take up tasks. I was blunt enough to answer he should know why I or rather many did not do that, I do not want to be saddled with what I dont like.
What upset me was simply that people who did below average to bad too get rated the same but then in those damn rating system you just have excellent / good / average and anyway in a year and and in a company where the difference in hikes as per ratings(if there are any this horrid year) is usually just 1 or 2 thousand why bother.

So honestly after that 2 hr argument I just was like chilled out and cool as I never was after a appraisal discussion as I never was in all these years. Then I slowly noticed the insecure talk all around and experienced the whole R drama and it simply leaves you with a disgusting feeling.

Update: Ok next day R came up and she said , don't feel bad I was in a terribly bad mood and Never meant to hurt or ignore you in any way.Well at least that relaxed me a bit, howmuch ever she meant it .

If nothing it vindicates my decision to avoid the management track at quite some cost to myself.
I just am not comfortable with such people games even if I can at times out of sheer necessity play them I am extremely uncomfortable in this arena and it takes a huge toll on me.

Aargh..Just the same

Aristotle was right - absolutely right
“All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind“
And so was whoever who said that nothing changes - life just goes round and round.

Again the same thing(Huh even my normally sweet and reticent friend today agreed once she went to US - that yeah all jobs are the same)
Again a flashy fiery email about what else but workplace attitude.
Again some funny cause - being unavailable for a remotely broadcast training arranged way too late i.e for a product you’ve already finished a project on .
Only difference - this time the cause is not a single person ( I like to give the benefit of doubt to some people some times ) but simply a comedy of errors or miscommunication (unless I think up a conspiracy theory here which frankly in workplace scenarios cannot be ruled out.Now I didnt mean outside the workplaces such scenarios are ruled out - they actually are the norm, Ask Ekta Kapoor. )
Ah that line of Karla from Shantaram and how many times do i quote it - “If fate does not make you laugh you just don’t get the joke“
I’ve been getting the joke more than ever these days.
And to think just in my previous post I was sort of complaining about feeling less passionate about venting or raging about anything .Think before you wish dear - Think before you wish.
=================================================================

P.S: Read up the blog of a chap I knew (Blogging’s become so very fashionable these days since Amitabh and Aamir started it that I feel like stopping writing here - feels as though I ‘m trying to do some in thing).
But neverthless quite a revelation some stuff - though sometimes I wonder if a lot of it is fact - especially stuff about some gals. Reminded me of the boasting done by the character Raj in “Bachna Ae Haseeno” after meeting the first heroine in the story played by Minnisha Lamba.

The unwelcome women managers

People seldom differentiate between managers and leaders but there’s a huge difference there. And while with respect to leadership women may be fine though using different style totally I’ve never seen much loved women managers esp in middle management.I do not mean competent , they are more often than not competent and ambitious but i mean I’ve never heard of any mid level woman manager being admired inspirational and so on.There was some talk about opportunities ahead for women in the organization and also with some new women in the managerial hiring last quarter there’s been some incidents which made me feel like summarizing a few thoughts.
Somehow in software when i do a reality check women as managers are yet to be cherished by employees.From what i’ve seen around in all my previous organizations , whenever there is a woman manager there’s a instant dislike, suspicion and the foremost people to initiate or at least openly express these are the unfortunately women employees.
Most of these thoughts are from what i hear and then perceive from people around me rather than my individual experience which is a bit offbeat.
There’s an instance of a woman manager making a point about employees being on time. This stringent rule in a organization known for its flexibility in timings, certainly made one too many employees furious and ended up as a complaint against her.In a normal circumstance I also pretty much will join this complaint, when people make an issue about hours and timings.But what i dislike is why people link this as a issue that cropped up because the manager was a woman and women are like that, too rule abiding taking things too seriously and what not.
In another organization my friend is forced to come on time(being the only flaw explained in her one year of tenure because of which she did not deserve a promotion) even if there is no work by a manager who is a guy. Here they say he’s a horrid sadistic boss but they do not say , oh he is guy.
Frankly a lot of women are high strung and cannot relax with deadlines looming and in such a situation when your employees go around playing TT and have endless smoke and lunch breaks i guess it does get on their nerves.
From what i observed there’s a root cause.Women want to go home (or at least off work) invariably on time and quite a few like to do decent work if not great and so would like the things all in control and fine when they leave office.Men on the other are quite cool , a delay here a delay there - we can always stay late , come later and are so much relaxed.
So yes its very nice to have a boss who is cool and will never make a issue about timings and errors and wont like to be in know how of your whereabouts every minute,BUT its not very easy TO BE such a boss when you have employees you know are not all committed.
My short experience in that scenario of being a back up manager put me off management track quite well. I am quite a nervous freak myself and
have fondness for own personal time way too much and so yes its much easier doing your work however tough it is than getting a bunch of disinterested people committed to work.The worst part is any case is the personal slurs that people make if the manager is a woman. I am all for criticizing their over strictness or even their over ambitious drive in proving themselves and the picky nature, but whats terrible is to keep quiet when people make statementslike” Oh this is what happens when a frustrated single woman is a manager ” OR“She just got in through her husband’s connections” ORthe standard stuff about looks and character.
Also when a mistake is pointed out by a manager , they say oh he’s being too much. If she’s a woman manager well she’s picky - she’s a woman.Ok women are picky at times esp our brilliant technos hate it when a lady goes on picking issues with email and language.A guy as a manager wont do that.So there you go , another irritant factor against women as managers.
Then there are things I hear that makes you really feel cynical.You have all our great MNC’s promoting women in workplace and you have a senior manager in one of the greatest workplaces disliking women at workplaces.Of course he wont dare to go on record in his company .But thats the whole point - by making rules you cannot change attitudes.And imagine how that inbuilt resentment is expressed in everyday life in subtle saddism.
Women more often than not worry - it comes naturally esp if they strive for a perfect deliverable.Also trouble follows cause they ensure that you also worry about it and do something.Something that many people think is quite uncool esp if there is a chance to get away with it.
I really on a personal front (i.e about my managers) cannot tell the difference caused by gender of managers in concrete terms much may be because I take things individually rather than gender wise and my experience has been quite reverse i.e i have had more immediate managers aswomen rather than men.I have cribbed all my blog about them, but I doubt any of those issues would have disapeared if the manager was a guy.I honestly wonder if the rare few who read the past three years of crap on managers here guessed that my manager was a woman.
I’ve had good as well as bad from them - I doubt sometimes men as managers would have fought for me and my work with senior management with as much passion and conviction as my previous managers did.They had their own benefits and reasons for doing that but yet when I look at my current manager I suspect he would stand up for any one and fight .And yet I tell people that he’s quite cool - reason he never gets worked up over deadlines, will not care that i come in at 11 am almost every other day (OK fine thats my achievement - I finally convinced my woman managers too to live with that flaw of mine with a commitmentthat none of their expectations in terms of work will be affected )and is a quiet listener, a humble person with great commitment to the organization .
Ive seen others of this kind , loved a lot by employees, if the employees are good they make them work , if not then they themselves do the work but they do not take a stand and fight. May be thats being cool.
The problem though i guess comes at the end with such people.At the end of the day when you want something tangible while they do support you , people of such nature will start talking philosophy, rules and organizational commitment etc.They may want to help you but they really lack a passion to fight for their own selves how will they do it for anyone?I guess as usual i deviated from a general issue to a personal one, but such seems to be my limitation.

The byproducts of a farcial / forced equality

Hey daughter i came home tired and toiling for you all  get me a cigarette from the shop

Are you mad - Does anyone ask their daughter to get one

Whats the big deal I never differentiated between a Son and a Daughter (i .e I paid for your education completely) and I cant even get such a small thing done .

Ok if this is what it is i guess I will get it have some myself too say what ?

Shut up you don't have any respect for elders -  what rubbish you are  talking about.

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Truth is stranger than fiction .....It surely is.
He he he ...Such are the Inspirations for posts with topics "Save the girl Child" and this.

A small discussion on Talent vs Skill

When I traveled last week with my Dad I unintentionally got into a very short interaction about the education system of our country with the Chairman of one of the finest Electronics Company in India.

 

He asked generically about my education and work and when I honestly said  "Electrical and Electronics" but I am now working in Software  as then I found no job in Electronics.(this could be the reason I wrote this old post)

  He asked a very tricky question you can say

"Did you use your engineering skills to polish your Software skills or learnt your Software skills for the job"

 He then lamented how when he interviews many freshers from Engineering Colleges  he finds them absolutely lacking in a practical understanding of engineering. I replied this is because in our Education system Engineering concentrates on theory and the Diploma candidates learn the practical skills and hence Engineers from small colleges  are never taught or allowed to really practice improve and experiment with real practical aspects of core Engineering. To this he retorted strongly  "Engineering cannot be taught, one should have a understanding and talent for it".I would have loved a very serious discussion of this but my Dad disliking my getting into my argumentative mode with his professional contacts cut me short as is a norm (as he too believes I am not an Engineer not an electrical and electronics one at least, since I don't understand the wiring of my house at all) with a wonderful change of topic . But if this topic had gone on I would have loved to ask that gentleman

Is it? Engineering cannot be taught, it's a Talent? , practicality and innovation being the key points– Agreed

 

But then sir why do you ask for Engineers when you hire for your Luminaries division?

Why not just conduct a workshop where whoever with may be Xth standard pass does the job you want in the best way hire them – why do you insist on a degree. Also what percentage of the so called real true Engineers with all the practical understanding etc get a chance for innovation. That can be done in research and what is the percentage of engineers who get a chance in research in here is common knowledge.  

In the end most jobs are repetitive and the finest will innovate and create anywhere but sir that percentage is miniscule. These creative ones may create a blue print for you great innovation but to manufacture you need second grade but committed people who will do your repeat uncreative jobs.

 So cheers ….And we all do that "To jobs that pay the rent/ EMI" etc etc……. It is for such that that wonderful quote by Stoppard was written "Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wicker-work picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art." 

Though my favorite example was and is this. Taj Mahal may have been designed and conceived by one or two or a small set of wonderful persons but to build it you needed thousands of boring people who simply carried and lifted bricks.

We may not love them admire them but lets never forget we need them.

Some Appalling words....

L&T's chairman  interview in DNA now amused me no end and made me a tad upset too.Just because he is not finding enough Engineers to fulfill his plans the way he has narrated
his problems is sad.But what was worse was the way he was insisting that IT companies should not hire Mechanical and Civil Engineers .I was kind of appalled ….hey do you really think it is fair just because you need them badly and you can't afford them you deny them opportunities.
Is there nothing called free choice. After all whats the guarantee that if IT companies here dont hire them they wont move to the US or elsewhere. Also why this discrimination especially since the fact remains whatever be the industry what is taught in the colleges is hardly ever useful as it is
in whatever is the arena of work.
Also isn't it unfair that  if you had made a choice of mechanical/civil or even say arts at a young age…you are not supposed to change the stream forever and get cast in that for life.How can some one with such wide experience and visions speak such.

L&T definitely is a very admirable company for me more so than the famous IT companies but then when he complains that IT does not build India  our IT Engineers only work for US , one should remember the fact that L&T today gets opportunity to build India's infrastructure today because there is a need…a need kickstarted majorly by IT.
He needs to innovate and find a way to inspire those engineers, attract them and  not inspire others to cut off their livelihood and make it easy for himself.

why isn’t it ever unfair in my favour?

So its Diwali and i am posting on this blog out here…..
That pretty much implies i am not into crackers
and i have had my share of watching the sparklers from the balcony.
The last 10 days have been a strain heavily on me …..
…..so straining that my only refuge was Calvin….and
i promptly updated my signature lines to
"Reality continues to ruin my life "(and it sure does…god or whoever
has such a bad imagination)
Does Calvin rock….or what…I certainly dont remember every strip of his
or all the names and stuff but his one liners i tell ya….Thats all
thats there in this world.Bill Watterson you just are great.

I got my much awaited and debated appraisal….
and i am asked Are you happy and then leaving no chance as the
expression my face
became clear i am told "You should be happy".
Gosh how people love to control other people's emotions too …
At home parents/family tell you …you should like what they select
/give.At office its the boss.

Damn i dont even get sympathy once i get outside with my pay
cheque….cause i am told and true it is that except for a few excellent
i've got the 2nd or 3rd best possible deal at my grade. Hmm the only
line i could think of is
"In the kingdom of the blind….one eyed is the king".

Whatever it is the thing is its over and i ve reached a dead end in my
career too apart from my life which seems to be perenially stuck
there.

Added to it my healths been at its lowest since probably years
and nothing really scares the living daylights off me than bad
health.My imagination runs riot …and i just congratulate myself once
more that despite being a topper in biology at school i never wanted
to become a doctor cause blood and gore and my imagination(developed
by unintentionally watching those UGC programmes on brain surgery
/skull drilling …i puke almost whenever i remember that).I would have
imagined all the diseases i studied on myself.
One of the best decisions of my life….not taking up biology beyond school.

So sitting tired and staring at some horrible work at desk I casually
remembered Bill gates and Calvin together and some farmers exploited
by middlemen.
This is the crux story of outsourcing which i figured out by some
chance glances at figures on some computers at work.
In the US the company saves $4000 by outsourcing a $8000 work to
india. Super saving $4000.
The company here thus bills 1 Engineer around $4000 to this us client
and pays the engineer $ 1000.
Assuming a $500 administrative expense per engineer our dear
entrepreuner makes a cool $2500 profit.and they say farmers are
exploited by middlemen.What about poor us….But we lack the courage to
bet on and be an entrepreuner …hmmm.

Gates said: Life is not fair get used to it.
Calvin:"I know ….but why isn't it ever unfair in my favour?"

A good read of some new maxims

Somehow found this site and been very happy about it.
http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/top-5-business-maxims-that-need-to-go

Pretty much what i felt always and what made be tell a friend at my BPO job once a quote by Stephen Covey .
" Treat your Employees as you want them to treat your Customers".Thats the only line i cared for in the books i guess.

Indian Companies really go the old stupid way and its so pathetic when the times of india
published no hikes in IT for next few quarters on front page and rediff says work weekends.
Heck man did they give us extra hikes as dollar was strong or 4 day week .
Then why all these stories now.
I ve been enjoying and relating to so much on the site .Like when my manager says to me ok great youve done good work..whatever you were assigned a great job but what more for the
company, we paid for your work what extra for the organization......and then the splendid question one keeps pondering is why pray why!!!

"Each individual should work for himself. People will not sacrifice themselves for the company. They come to work at the company to enjoy themselves."
- Soichiro Honda, founder of Honda

Wish some one tells that to many of our managers

The site has great articles

Like this which reminded how whenever we had stayed late we got a pizza and

did that lessen our anger well no not at all.
Or may be those boring team lunches and biryanis organized.
http://positivesharing.com/2006/12/why-motivation-by-pizza-doesnt-work/

My yrs exp in the service industry supports this totally
http://positivesharing.com/2006/07/why-the-customer-is-always-right-results-in-bad-customer-service/
I ve seen techs who went out of their way and time to help customers who were

a bit kinder and nicer.

Then this http://positivesharing.com/2006/03/how-not-to-lead-geeks/
esp the point about tools. How can you run a application which itself needs 256 MB and Visual studio on a machine which has only 256 MB RAM and then code test scripts fast. It sucks but people are expected to. Because we are so very adjusting.

The whole set of articles i find are excellent and great but it seems the only people who read them are us who know them by experience and not the managers and leaders who would rather know them but well.
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Last weekend read Benazir Bhutto's Interview in Times
It went like this
"The happiest years of my life were spent at harvard-radcliffe campus in the US.
I was young then , wore my hair loose and looked like Joan Beaz, and attended rock concerts in Boston."

Immediately after the above she says
When i retire , I'll have a less hectic schedule . I'd like to teach politics to young people.

I kind of wondered and wondered whyyyy
You were young and happiest in life at rock concerts and now for the newly young you recommend politics.....Its strange how radically one alters their perceptions...or is it that old theory of the happiness of the young being envied.

I am not the right person to know yet...i'm on neither side yet.

Some organizational and management crap for the record

The less i want to write about management and organizational crap the more it seems to be around in life.The last 3 weeks have been my most agonizing and irritating in quite some time.

In fact i was so upset that i almost wished to put up that brilliant mail by my sr manager up here or somewhere on the web and see how many people really would like to work for such a manager.Actually i beleive there will be quite many because there is no dearth of people who love the bureacratic way of working in an office or rather putting in the hours and not the work.

Management is all about having no principles(put beautifully as being open ) and double talk.How are you supposed to feel when a manager constantly walks into team meetings and says
" I am authorized to fire anyone ".
"We pay for you work you are expected to do more for the organization"why pardon...well everyone has that question but no one asks

"The company's revenues are dipping and so you will see quite a shock in the appraisals" by saying this is his encouraging people to work well or work at getting off the organization i did not get
My lead tells me see dear i have no problems with anything your work is great and all else is fine...but you see the sr manager is very upset about your walking in late...then she adds thoughtfully - even there are issues in team(now i know for a fact no one in the team complained...they just crack jokes and that is being used by managers)

Then she addsIf it was a work issue i could have explained saying you need more experience willl learn but what do i say for this.....its a silly thing and how do i explain it - you are single(oh yeah if you are single you should love nothing but your organization) ......dont even have any chores ......why cant you come on time.Anyways i could live with that....

But next day when a sr manager drafts a mail with the kind of plain threat about taking disciplinary action (i.e this is for walking in at 1 hr late ) what exactly must anyone do...well they should get back and put such people in their place and if my career did not have the precarious blanks and past career shifts no one and no one i know could have managed to threaten me like that.
I have often blogged about how i dislike charityin general and mail goes on about how the "organization is not a charity institue...and one should follow discipline as other people who walkin at 9 feel upset about people who dont"
Walking in at 9 esp when there is no need is discipline ???....
ahhh its for no reason i say life is unfair.the whole mails had no reason or provocation except that two people beleived that rather than wasting time chatting and playing TT at office one can walkin after a good sleep and yet finish all work better than anyone else on the team used to walkin an hour late.

Charity...by not firing me for walking in at 10:30 they think they are doing charity ...WOW.
Though i am not much into charity and did not get much chance in my current project i think i have being doing a lot of free social work for the organization esp in my previous projects staying late and all that....huh.

After writing such a crappy threatening mail to the team he walkin smilingly and talks of where the team party would be and we are supposed to be excited. Now thats professionalism.

When a colleague put in the papers after taking a hike the sr manager says " you've exploited me"....its soo amusing.Next we hear he's also planning to put in his papers as he has an offer from the Indian IT giant if he does not get a project here which sends him onsite.Such people talk of principles and we are supposed to be inspired.

The guy makes such jeers about local guys who are managers and love to have candidatesfrom their hometown but never thinks how openly its visible his preference for high profile / north indian gals.
Whenever i think that in the end you too have to end up as a manager you hate it being in the middle of such double talk.Well we tell each other at least while leaving we can speak during exit interviews but well no one including me is for it cause now companies have reference checks...another threat used to the hilt by managers....and then you never know when during the job hopping drama you meet him and his friends again.This is a very connected world....and so everyone stays mum and so they flourish.

So why am i here still here....
because everywhere else they like Perfect lies and i'm too scared to make up one.If my age were a factor i should have been a manager by now and
since i am not -- dig up is what they do at interviews.
everyone likes to speculate and its so much fun with a resume in hand.
Umm so why did you not do any work for four years ...what kind of reason.
Put in a fake there for four years your resume is perfect and so can be the pay...nothing else counts.You just have to hope that lady luck is on your side and the company is not in a image building mood wherein they fire employees for putting in fakes and since i know that lady luck and me are not on speaking terms i play it quiet .

I sometimes guess if i was a bit stupid or not good enough for the work i do then may be i would have gotten away but while i am definitely nowhere brilliant but being quite good at getting things done , most people like to speculate on my personal life as why else would a 1st class engg graduate almost a decade ago is having only near to 3 yrs software exp and is still not in US.

It is oh so dissapointing and frustrating for most to find nothing there.One of the guys on my team asked in his oh always being nice jokes ,u from that college.....so when did you pass out implying how many times did i fail...having a cute face ,a fancy car and classy humorous lines helps him anyday in this office .
Its with no reason that i say life is unfair but neverthless its ok after a 11 hr sleep almost everything seems fine to me.

Raining Jobs and Parched IT TalentSpace

Raining Jobs and Parched IT TalentSpace

 

Essentially i am not much of a fan of rediff's articles and its discussion

boards are really gross most times. But i came across this article .(Nothing new in the article really)

What struck me was a comment by a manjula pathy there which i somehow noticed

"Why cry? there are number of people who are very well experienced sitting at home bcoz they are middle aged. companies who hire want very young people.In some of the countries employers see only capability and experience and not the age ,caste and sex like they do in India!!!"

Its not like very greatly put may be but its a very essential truth. I am a part of this industry and have been an going through it and here are a few of my cynical observations .

Like say about young people here's what it is,
Beleive me all companies want this—
A Engineering graduate with 70 or at least 60% + at 21yrs of age and then by 24 or 25 they should have a  3or 4 year experience.
That is perfect and thats what they want.

Now some years ago there was a IT slowdown. Nobody hired where would you get such perfect resumes. Many that are would go to US by now.So what is a clear …whenever there is something that perfect there's a great chance its a fake and yet it is welcomed.No harm in that if you stand by it .

Then one fine day Integrity and Honesty touches these corporates and they fire off people.  Initially i thought it was quite fine and right when people who get in with fake are not upto the expected standard they must be penalised.

But I was shocked to read of a leading company's statement.They say why did these employees fake it especially when they were competent enough to get it on merit. Well i guess it is they themselves and not the candidates who need to answer that.

And the answer simply would be that to even be considered for your interview you need fake.
What industry is expecting is perfect employees to use for their benefit but they are not mass produced. In fact in no industry do they exist these perfect employees.

Integrity is still available but i guess Integrity does not really equal smartness and what the companies need are smart workers isn't it?

Its one heck of an amusing thing simply put.

Many times we discuss and wonder how cool it is in the US to work when you want , if you want to or work part time . Esentially people work and take vacations have a life and come back. Is it feasible in India really.

Can you walk in to a interview and say well i passed out of college did a great job for 3 yrs took a break for 2 years had fun ,travelled and now i want a job again. Is it possible.
There may be exceptions(esp women who get married or had kids but even they get in with hubby or friends help even though they are quite good by  themselves ) but however competent you still may be after the break there is an assumption that you've lost it, your ability somehow at least in India.

HR people have these theories.
If you leave companies you are not stable. Well if all are stable how would you hire?

If you take a break and work or are not sure of your one great FAKE AIM in life(honestly how may have a real one in IT except earning money  which is unspoken )…you cant be reliable.(Assumption:for all you may leave the job any day to have another vacation- Ok confession - this aint an assumption I was asked this question once upon a time )

Can someone at 30 wanting to start a job really compete with a fresher though both are at the same stage of learning.
Its a absolute fact that youngster have more zeal will learn more and every company and country wants a young workforce but when you dont have the youth for it instead of cribbing about shortage cant we even look beyond.

I definitely am not for hiring  people who are sub standard for a given job but i wonder how many companies know what they are hiring for. Half of them stock employees on bench.Its sad to see freshers on bench. I would rather like a nice tired veteran on bench who can use the bench time to learn amd update slowly rather than the restless and raring to go fresher on bench. But yeah they hire the best in campus at times and put them on bench or make them do absolute useles work(some companies provide great recreation facilities though) and disillusion them till they fit into your regular job hopping IT employee type.

Another amazing aspect that HR people and companies keep gushing on is Employee referrals.
In fact I think that is the root cause of all substandard stuff.
You just have to observe with you eyes open when you wait in queue at inteviews. very interesting scenarios proceed. Actually some companies dont even advertise jobs all jobs are through employee referrals.

 Well what most companies don't get is Indians love their own and their own does not start with their company(Unlike say in USA). It starts with family , cousins , all other relatives and friends and then the company .
 So the first good they think for when they refer for the company is in the same order….family……

But then may be one good employee and they think its ok relatives means same genes so it will anyways be good is it…(hmm well i get ideas when i write).
Also that quote " Birds of a feather flock together"
But if that one employee is bad. Ah the theories.

There's another amazing aspect i have discovered from my experience in IT and ITES world.There is so much importance laid on English speaking and all that - so candidates and evaluators take communication as equivalent to speaking good english.
So candidates rattle of words and words of english some with a great accent but ask them to write a stanza, or even something like reading comprehension.

Half of the wonderful IT people do not understand simple IT requirements definition documents. …forget the strange one authored by the Americans.

They code great , i mean i envy their command over coding and memorizing mnemonics and keywords , I poor me who relies heavily on intellisense of IDE's….but do they really know what they are coding for.

Hell just ask some people to read a newspaper and some cant get it straight.Lets face the fact these crash courses in English will get you to speak good English may be but not speak what you wnat to convey and it will not develop your english. The best way to learn English or any language will be its constant use and reading something and assimilating it.

Thats why there's no point in saying "It's raining jobs! But whom to hire".
Its more like Its raining jobs and no one knows what and why to hire let alone how.
P.S:Well thank god i have a nice job - if not good job-else this post may

seem like the greatest crib…but heck thats why I blog.

No Individual Rights - be it cricket/ Workplace

I did not want to write much on the Indian cricket drama…so sad it has been but yeah i am forced to for more reasons than one…because mostly when i hear it it seems less cricket and more Management stuff in general relating to workplace politics.

Like i saw walk the talk by Kumble and he spoke how just because a set of players go out for lunch or other places together does not mean they have a rift with the rest.

Well this is what i fail to convince managers of….why do we read up the management books of the west and apply them to ourselves miserably.
I m told one must interact with all the team members of a 40 member team well great ….cool but i do interact and help…but how in the world do you expect that 15 as in the Indian cricket team or 40 in say my team previously would hang out together and have fun.

Why do we have team building activities thrust upons us….playing ball and games will not make anyone like a person who talks shit or is a egotist or bores you with self falttery.
Yeah we work together comminicate and as long as i do that why am i supposed to be oh so chummy with them.

In fact in some cases may be i do appreciate the difference in the opposite person and admire it too but that still does not make me be chums with him/her because i may not fit in there.

Ever been a single sitting at team lunch among married people discussing kids and inlaws.It gets to you.
Ditto the opposite …ever been a busy married one sitting among a bunch of singles planning the next fun weekend.You hate it.
This is a way too simple example but there are many other reason why you have groups and will always be there.

Important thing is there should never be any disharmony about work and communication in general should be encouraged but that hardly means mass meetings at lunch or some games devised by a foreigner(read it as Self help books…Seven habits/ DeBono amd what not) with no knowledge of Indian sensibilities.

One or two day training or activities do not build a team…esp if the constituents are the real quiet people who are not very outgoing.
In fact i guess a better way was as in school they rotated the desks and so rotate the cubicles. At least with some time you know a person in general than as a game or a lecture tells you.

Things take time…oh yeah they do.But we like it all instant….well food can be …and so can be other things but with people instant stuff never works.

Next was the damned BCCI contract thing…..i heard about.

Isn’t it the same when the CEO of a business goes about acquisitions mergers and what not for business and money …well quite good…but the moment a employee resigns for money its not really seen in the same light.

How does an employer get a right to your personal time and space…..
Sack the players for bad performance …surefire…
but how can you take away their personal right to choose what they do with their personal time.
Next i guess there would be a clause in the contract….should not go out with any Bollywood actresses 1 month before a major series.
Its more like mothers telling children …sit at home and watch TV and rest the sun and dust is not good for you….and implementing it strictly.

Managers ask you why you need a leave where you will be….and no most projects we do insoftware are not some mission critical stuff where your lack of presence will drown millions or lives will be lost.

Managers want to be the first to know when you get married…is the guy from town…coz you may have to leave otherwise.

This whole Management lanaguage upsets you ……its apt they’ve started calling the new post a manager. Oh yeah professionals the great power point wielders.

Wonder if all Aussies stuff is to be followed by players why not go the whole hog and do what they did to Pawar.

Shove such politics and political people off and say Get moving!!!!

Some everday nuggets kind of define days

Last Week:
An auto driver literally shouted back and demanded higher price and you realise how vulnerable one can be to bullies....all said and done about arguing and fightbacks.

Like today:
My Lead after telling me that finally i would be releived from the project...smiles and we get on
to general topics and says "whats happening in the project i was asked by some other leads u know yamini and all i can say is marriages... so when's yours?" i am asked..... I just smile and its clear at least being in the same place....when you stand in the same place
you can know it ....
The answer was never given by me but spoken by the questioner themselves
" oh i know you will ask when's yours"

I again smiled and said "well that was an expected question so i did not bother to ask."

We live very different lives of similar issues.....
What can avoided by being on that side has to be fought every minute by me....
What can be avoided by being on this side taunts her every day.

She's not what one can call a right people manager and i criticize her quite some here and all
over the place but if you ask me to rate her as one hell of a fighting person in life i'd rate
her very high.But who cares...

Problem is people have a habit of getting personal ....and i never know how to tell my bunch of
friends to stop that without getting into a debate which would again end up on a personal side.
So best shut up....
I just feel so upset when you are having a simple discussion about how she's not managing
things right or is a control freak and people simply instantly attribute it to her being single .....

Visited a wedding and one lady happily married at least as per her says " Women should get married at right time else they become saddists " obviously directed towards the Lead.
Then a guy smiles and says "exactly thats what i keep saying
everyday."(He once had commented to me a jobless guy and a unmarried gal is a sure recipe for
sadists...his experience he says)

Ah what lovely people i live with smilingly....
my smiles for the moment simply make no one consider me to be categorized in there (or what i dont know......its a source of constant wonder to me...the immense affection i receive from such a set of people...the blind eye my such friends turn towards me as if i am an exception for the moment to every rule....though at no point are they willing to debate on the rule.)
but then i am not a LEAD.
It is the people high up there that mud and stones are thrown at.

It is not that i cant argue with such .... but point is to each their own .... some of these people young freshers and old alike are so immature as people that i feel its stupid for me to
start any kind of serious discussion with them.
Its better off discuss our brainless movies and shopping and seem as stupid.

Well thats my choice i guess... or rather thats the only way...no choice.
But soon i will too have to move .... may be slowly ...may be i will delay the ascent...may be
fate will...but as i move up so will the stones and mud flinging start . It will i expect it to.

But still while i am extremely infamous i feel in the eyes of sr management for having a
tendency to have hushed group meetings all over the office in coffee room/ at my desk / in
corridors /...
I feel one can so clearly and wonderfully criticize a person's work and attitude
and all without getting personal.Problem is all people love to think themselves as psycho analysts who deduce why a person is as such ....pah.... though they never look at themselves.

Then again i wonder why am i defending a person who is always making people get personal saying team must be like a closely knit family. She asks people in feedback to know all about the
family members of the team for team building.....its obvious they come out of the meeting room
and joke well lets have her details first.

When you say you need a leave for personal reasons to a LEAD it should be just that "PERSONAL". Why act as a great confidant and ask details forcefully.

Discretion is very important in management.
How can you ask a guy/gal who is getting married why do you need 20 days leave 10 days is just fine.Obviously they will be upset and talk like 'Heck she doesn't get married hence what would she know'.
These are nonsensical cheap comments but so are people mostly and hence discretion and
tact is so very important in minimizing some hurts to both sides.
Good Intentions never suffice.
" THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS "

It probably was witha good intention she asked me to consider growth within the project than start from a scratch elsewhere but then i just wanted it my way...... i might as well suffer/regret for my own mistakes than someones's good intentions.

Some Nonsensical drama this is...............

Well its hard sometimes to be so very much a part of a drama and yet be outside it.This is very badly written because the manipulation involved here are so hard to capture in my mind leave alone in writing.

One fine day last month my friend and teammate V decided anough is enough i will change my job and being the quite well qualified and clever and skilled gal she is she was snapped up real   fast and offered a nice package with almost 130% hike....with only one glitch ...... come soon 2 months is not feasible for us to wait but the way things are here she was no way going to be given the releiving letter.
Well anyway the resignation itself was dramatic.After being asked to be patient for almost 5 to 6 months she was given a new project a day before she got her new job i.e on Friday.Monday morning she had to join and she took off on Friday saying she's sick.
She came in Monday and our TL with the same concern dripping face asked so hru ...u've to join the new project and got the reply...
"hmm yeah im fine btw did u check ur mail i sent u my resignation letter".
TL's face was drained...oh i missed that.
Now i knew this since the day this started Round 1 to the offer letter i knew of.....and from the other side i knew of how they were planning to move her.Ah to keep quiet..........its so hard....when people go on and on about plans that i know will be dashed.
It shocked enough people and worried more because they knew of our group the coffee room group which eats together leaves together and may leave the company together.Every call on my cell i am viewed with suspicion.

And then started V's torture meetings with TL and PL(every resignee in my organization is subjected to this).What went wrong...Why ...Why..Why...and being the brash fresher she is she spoke all her heart out.Remember wht u said "Did i say that" when i asked u said "ull give me appraisal in the next few months " so you may say anything  how can i beleive you?

Its very hard to tell these young people not to get personal but then for them TL was the one who denied them good projects and a better appraisal and this was the moment they were waiting for.Only when she quoted her CTC did they become a bit quite but still they feel they are the wronged party.They want Loyalty Gosh whatever for......this is profession ...business.

V was told it seems " I will not accept"( Huh are we bonded labor here).
Now i discuss the whole thing so loudly and its like strange no one is yet telling of  it. I mean literally this whole thing was carried out from my System comfortably at the safe end row...i reviewed the resignation whose template was provided by a previous guy who resigned. before it was sent....hmm strange life.
We often joke lets put the Resignation Template also in the source safe repository.

Two days later the next girl in our group P was called and asked are you looking out ...she was more forthright "yes i am" and then at EOD put in her papers.Now it is like we know who's next even though i am not looking actively i am being suspected.The PL put it all on TL ..they dont like the TL so  they are leaving ...dont know why they dont come and tell me .HUh talk of finding Scapegoats.

Now all this is a boring diary.The troubling part started next.....After the shock was absorbed they though why not renegotiate and hence one friend of each was called and i was among then.

TL:See i want a personal help.You see P is leaving to a small company which is not needed
we may be able to give her a better opportunity here too
Me: Ah well see at this stage of their career they dont think of growth they like to learn maximum, earn maximum .
TL:Well then you could explain that P i have seen more of life(Now if she heard that what i tell P in general not that they need it but somehow i am being used very well as a pep up person by my dear young friends...not that they dont encourage me any less to be next in line).If i tell it will be like a boss thing...you explain.
Me: Ok i'll try... ask P to think and renegotiate with you ppl.
TL: do you really think we pay that low.I for one am not into changing companies.As far as V is concerned i am very upset.I had given her such good opportunities....
Me: Umm....
TL: Look at S group ...they work so well
Me :You really think they'll stay on( I felt like laughing....i could not stop myself..........Wait till their bond is over and  they'll show you their true colours) Remember me in Jan...what i said.really i pity some people.

( I knew S's group works really well and enthu all that but dear oh dear they have an appraisal in August and  abond till december...uske baad dekho...In fact S is the guy who reports to me...i told him see you have a very good impression with management and he smiled and said wait by Jan who pays more we'll be there no sentiments...thats how open they are....sad part is the mangement refuses to understand the fact that money is one hell of a issue next being technology.
Very few of the fresh 1 or 2 yrs exp people are interested in proces process hangover my TL has.They persuade you to tell the problem...when i tell them its due to money they say nah its due to peer pressure.)

Me: "Its not peer pressure way you think...its more like this everyone has a friend in every company and knows the salary levels and hence wants to be on par.Also when 2 people of same calibre join and one gets chance to work on 10 to 12 diverse projects and one is stuck in one no wonder peer pressure comes in.Peer pressure is not one person forcing other to leave."(Ofcourse i know management refuses to understand this because next day V was called in and told check your behavior dont encourage other to leave...good lord)

Next day when i spoke to P she's like cool yaar ......you've bought me time ....now i will try some more jobs as i dont want to take back my resignation.....somehow even if they pay...i am sick of these people.

Well i dont know what to say.....people dont change much ....all companies have many similar leads mostly and that some how the irony of life which i cant explain to these hopefuls but yeah one thing is sure if for the same suffereing someone's paying you double why not go..............

And then what about me...........I wish i knew....I want to leave but where to...i have a blanks in past which is not a great advertisement on a resume for a big company and do i have to leave just to get into  a small company...i mean i've just been having a bit of relaxed time here now.

Its all a question between being comfortable and being out of the comfort zone.Both seem appealing at various times of  the day.....I wish i knew where i'll end up.To add to my confusion ....of the endless astrologers my mom goes to quite some said i'll be no good as an employee .... her hand suggests business.........now while that sounds fine i cant think of any damn one business i'd start..and i being so lazy at initiating anything.....

 

Objective: Weekend

Sometimes when i think of my objective just before starting work in week i realise its thesame thing since i started working....the weekend.
Earlier i used to think it was a BPO job and the timings are odd so i need my sleep ........but now in one of those IT jobs its the same always the same......
Earlier i thought it was this company may be but slowly i realise it may be the same else where........
There are few days when things are kinda cool and times when you feel some people are really friends and not colleagues and when on weekends you get bored you wish you were at office making fun of clients and management.............but they are oh so rare weekends.

The last week was very hectic......appraisals were out and people were upset or were being upset by others upset and work was made a direct variable of the pay ....... at least every conversation smirked of it.It was a terrible week and never wanted the weekend more.......i deliberately planned to lock myself in esp what with summer in full swing....i even did not read a book i was so tired.............in fact all i did for two days was i guess sleep and post to my blog........the whole infighting had taken good toll on my sleep.

I start every Monday aiming for Friday....
Every Monday morning its always like the Dicor ad which will remain my Fav for very long(I do want to quit every Monday...... )
Its not like i have some great weekend parties or get together or any such happening things.
Its just that i need a respite from hating what i do i guess.....
What if you are good at what you hate and average at what you love?
I'm still wondering..........

I hate formatting:

Seems like last whole week i am doing just that be it at office or at blogger....and i am sick of it.

I mean whom to blame microsoft or all else seem nearly same.
What you format in Word once you paste in outlook it messes up and with managers and clients finicky about tabs and spaces its like one hell of a sick thing.
You reply to a mail and the bullets misbehave.....and my patient colleague just sits up up removes all the spaces......while i feel stupid...yeah i know how to remove spaces but its so irritating......backspace a line and color changes....font changes........
Then they call it WYSIWYG.(What you see is what you get)it should be "WHAT YOU GET IS WHAT YOU DONT WANNA SEE"
You feel sick.....ahhhh i love notepad honestly..........
Then you come home and try to edit stuff on blogger the font i have on one of them is too small....i increase the size and the template i preferred gets messed up ...you've to scroll a mile to see the topmost post.....it took an hour to try setting it .....and the power goes off....fed up and left it at the minute font.

Impetuous Me
I seem to have lost my senses .....if i had any i mean i guess i should become more serious and what they say responsible behavior or mature but i do myself no favor on any counts these days and it really happened bad this day...i feel so very stupid....though it seemed quite funny to all.
Well in my group of four in team who hang out together all the 3 others are freshers i.e. 2004 passouts ....i dont hang out much with the senior group whose greatest interest i.e domestic problems are too much for me to be of any use to make conversation.
So they being quite younger than me i tease them well and they take it quite well but i guess i should be more restricted and not impetuous and outspoken (i tend to become that after i stay at any place for 1 year scaring people who have seen me at the begining of the year as the quietest person around).....at least if i want to move up this damned corporate ladder (Do I is a question i often ask).
I was teasing V about a Tool called Silk she was attending training for...teased the daylights out of her calling her “Silk Silk” since morning.
So three of us were moving down by lift in the evening and i was talking about some issue with the manager and a chap got into the lift.V called my name in a way (she meant me to shut up completely...she said later)and i thought we had to switch topic and i started teasing her immediately again “Silk Silk” and that too with a accent and raised eyebrows.
The guy simply walked out with a smile saying “you wanna learn come......”
I was left perplexed....V was like “o god u r impossible....He ‘s a Sr Manager and the only chap here who has any knowledge of Silk Tool”.
I really wanted to leave for the day......i hate coincidences...i was sure.....feeling sick of myself.

Respect i think comes hard to me... u’ve to earn it.. I mean i cant just respect someone because he has a designation or because he’s a few years older.... neither do i expect people to respect me just coz i am older or have..... some position.
Its a old problem with me ...quite old.
Actually i got a dressing down in school class VIII with respect to this...My English teacher asked me to stand up one day and told me in front of the whole class....
” you should learn manners ...you should say good morning to your teachers when you see them outside the class”...i knew she wanted that but was stunned to be told that in class.
I have this problem will not say hi and good morning for formality sake....I do try to get over it esp in this corporate world but it does not come naturally to me....have to remember and have eye contact then i say it.....just saying hi with not even a glance is not my cuppa tea.
Its the same here at office in our small coffee room with a platform on which we perch i just keep sitting whoever walks in while all my respectful company will stand up to attention....when the PL walks in....never any Good mornings or Goodbyes unless its a direct communication or eye contact.
I sometimes dont even acknowledge the presence of some people(currently my PL after my awful pay discussion) ............sometimes because i am uncomfortable ....sometimes because i prefer it that way and sometimes because I am at a loss of any sane look, word or expression.I have that block...whatever such a block is called.

So all day i was pondering .......
As it is i am left behind in this race..As it is i am not suited to this corporate hypocrisy but.....if....and all that
“i should be more serious ....always look like at work even i have none.
Take serious trainings.....not discussions as i call them.............Give lectures about the importance of this that........beleive in it or not”
and all that senior person fundas....but then i guess with time i’ll get over it......
back to square one “ Who the heck cares ”.....thats my natural instinct i think.
I realise i just am not into it......i am a mess and no solution i could find....till now at least..................if it was not for money and if i could get some help and luck on it i’d be happy with a flower or a book shop..........i think.

(I so want to put these quotes at my desk but then thats all i will need to be told why my pay packet is light.....so i put them on my blog)

“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.”.....

Absolutely Absolutely i say.......but what is the excuse for my stupidity i wonder...................
its becoming terrible now ....so are my posts.