Random Rambles


This should actually be a seperate post. RGV deserves that but I am too lost in my worries (I add my saga to the end),and he put across a opinion which sort of merged into my thoughts I mix it up here.
Ram Gopal varma - have known quite a few fanatics of his. Have seen some of his movies which are too good and some too hilarious.
Seriously Thank god I watched Daud in TV. In theater I dont know how I could have managed.
The music of Dauuuuud... itself felt so hilarious.
But this isnt about his movies really. I did not like him much as a person as his visions seem like he's still stuck in some crazy
curiosity associated with teenage boys - his potrayal of his leading ladies/his horror fixation.

But I dont know waiting at which place I flipped through which magazine/news wherein I read a interview of his where he said something like this
" If I need to think why would I go to a woman. I would open a book"
Now its not a comment that makes any woman happy , but the guy I thought was being quite honest and I admired that then and that thought stayed with me . Till I saw this tweet by him and again thought.
Well all said and done he just put honestly a very uncomfortable truth.
"The biggest lie is that hard work pays nd ths is mainly propogated by smart non workers who live off the stupid hard workers"

The thought and some other stuff and my life's bad twists got me started off on reading "fooled by randomness".
The goings slow but will post on that later.
So well its been terrible time .Its like something which was nothing has snowballed into horrid stuff.

Its actually not as horrible if only , if only I could develop that Take It easy policy.Its a hard hard bargain.Easy to say but tough to live upto .But some of the most idiotic people have that attitude and thats what carries them through.
Actually all managers Ive seen who really want to see you move up gave one simple advice - dont worry about people's grumbles and mumbles .
I find it unlike others easier to implement it in life - but hard when it relates to work.

I once had a flare up with a team member regarding some work assigned and he mumbled something I got into the - lets clear this up mode and my manager calls me up and explains - come on its ok just ignore.

Similarly a friend who was sort of upset about being labelled too aggressive by a set of people who did not like being questioned
about timelines (esp by a lady)spoke to her senior manager who just smiled and re-iterated the same advice.
Ignore it - its part of the job.
(Heard of someone who happen to know by grapevine as a very bindaas - "I wont work" kind of cool person and
he got into IT's most hallowed places.You could see the pain it causes to the people
who really passionately go about work. But well as they say high up there what you need is a bindaas take it easy person.
You cant go crazy everytime something crashes. But yeah that news sort of made me feel think a trifle
less of the only company I ever admired(I am not a great fan of big organizations , though been with few and still am).
I always thought - oh what could I do there - (its for the hot shot developers and ultra smart genius game changers and what not - but well times change or our perspectives change)

Now this is all very nice if you have the support - but its a bit hard to take when you are on your own.

Added to that many women simply are worriers - I admit that and give up , we worry way too much.I know it yet its hard to change. Also you think you are cool and over most stuff by now and still at the crunch you just have that pent up emotion.

I have like a soap opera in my head running continuosly - if this is said , this is to be answered . If that then this and what not.
I am never a self help book person - I actually feel beyond help to speak the truth.
but one book I had once bookmarked to check someday was "Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life"

My greatest problem despite all the wonderful advice I have read and know is still the same.
You see a email, you are infuriated , reply reply now.

Forget fury - In any case I have a terrible habit with email - I need to reply and be done with them.
No other way I seem to be at peace.
A huge disadvantage well wishers have advised.
The best successful people are those who as the quote says.
"I love work. I can stare at it for hours"

So I spoiled a whole day in fury , being upset and what not and ringing up people up north and down south to
get a handle on my nerves and stop behaving like the idiot that I inherently seem to be.

I mean what are you supposed to answer when someone arrogantly (OK I exaggerate that chilling calm voice is what I take as arrogance)states as a benefit of working in this place for over 2 years
"Where did you work previously (i.e its some small mid sized place)- here youve worked on blah blah - a big blah"
And I react
" Oh yeah So what ?? the next blah product you ask me to look at - well the manager there will also say
- I gave you the big chance on this blah , Did you ever work on this kind of blah"

I forgot - I forgot big time - that managers are also human beings
and human beings have egos
and a human being who happens to be a manager and Indian usually tends to have a big big ego.
Add to it the calm ones who are polished and nurse the hurts like a wound which does not augur well for little people like me.

And then just when I was trying to soothe myself from all the woes being visited upon me - I had a surprise situation.
A complete blackout. No power no transport and absolutely locked up for a day away from all this.

I thought I would gain some perspective , but I seem to have lost it, dont know why.
I actually have self diagnosed myself as having a problem of inertia.
When I work on onething I find it hard to leave it and do something else.Even if its not my job - even if its not worth from a payoff
perspective. If I find it good enough to get it started I kind of persist on it.
Similarly When I dont work and veer off to movies and books , work seems like a necessary evil and hard to get started on.
This extends to many other things which includes like not looking for a change.
But fortunately or unfortunately - strange circumstances happen - which finally get me moving every couple of the years.
Seems the next cycle has started.


Anyways its great to listen to stuff you pretty much know and actually might have said to them once from friends.
It reaffirms the whole thing again and makes us feel good.Same stuff we repeat to each other when times are bad , but it does help.
Like one freind told me a such stuff - to calm my mood - part of which I sort had once told her in different words though.Nothing new.
"See if I hire a servant from a village, and she looks after my in laws fine and is very helpful to guests but I dont seem to be
her priority I will still complain right. So it happens let it go."
Then she added her hubby's wise statements to it.(Ok I let it pass that he's a manager)
See if your existing servant whom you started off asks for a 30% hike you scowl. She leaves - you hire a new one at 50%.
And those are the facts of the world we live in."


Actually I previously had a co-worker who for all his faults had a great sense of humor.
He once remarked women are perfect for QA - they have inherent qualities for it.
i.e they find find faults with everything and anything - Nothing seems satisfying enough.


The verdict though has been clean and clear from pretty much my close friends I know.
"You think way too much - what is there to think so much about trying for alternative job.
First try and then you can think - and dont over- react as if your job is in jeopardy (they know the whole issue is simply which
manager gets to suffer me now that I am angry)
You are one hell of a coward deep inside when it comes to yourself - in initiating the change"

Yeah I find it hard to disagree, - but I have my reasons
and at this point they say thats the hard part
"your reasoning is totally flawed but hard to argue with you" -
So I start being a little courageous for myself. After all

"Courage is the fear of being thought a coward. ~Horace Smith"