The past never dies

The past never dies, it is never past.
Its not like you dont try
But its easier to say let go
but does anybody let it go
After 9 years of graduating , 4.5 yrs of unemployment and 4 yrs of various jobs i still get asked the same bloody question when someone snaps to the last page at a decent interview.

Oh you are from xxx college. How come you are still here.
Why did you not go to the US. Everybody from your college does.
Well yes they all used to go to US i say.
Well they still do he says…

Heck OK yes boss they do so whats the point you think i'm too old or stupid or something fishy in my personality to be stuck here fair enough - dont want you damned job even if you want to offer.

You say why you are quiet,
why not be more more what i wonder bubbly???…happy??
Who lets you….
And anyways why be …
why cant i be myself
So i am a sullen face
fine dont like it, avoid me …dont select me for your environment.
Why rake it up.
People love to rake up the past
dig up the past
You may want to move on
but past is never past.

"The past is never dead. It's not even past."

In this irritating day there's still was place i look at and smile,it wasn't a great place there was lot of messy times, hardships and pain and stress and yet somehow you only remember the good things .
Thats a rarity in life.
It was nice walking past the place where i worked first.

Raining Jobs and Parched IT TalentSpace

Raining Jobs and Parched IT TalentSpace

 

Essentially i am not much of a fan of rediff's articles and its discussion

boards are really gross most times. But i came across this article .(Nothing new in the article really)

What struck me was a comment by a manjula pathy there which i somehow noticed

"Why cry? there are number of people who are very well experienced sitting at home bcoz they are middle aged. companies who hire want very young people.In some of the countries employers see only capability and experience and not the age ,caste and sex like they do in India!!!"

Its not like very greatly put may be but its a very essential truth. I am a part of this industry and have been an going through it and here are a few of my cynical observations .

Like say about young people here's what it is,
Beleive me all companies want this—
A Engineering graduate with 70 or at least 60% + at 21yrs of age and then by 24 or 25 they should have a  3or 4 year experience.
That is perfect and thats what they want.

Now some years ago there was a IT slowdown. Nobody hired where would you get such perfect resumes. Many that are would go to US by now.So what is a clear …whenever there is something that perfect there's a great chance its a fake and yet it is welcomed.No harm in that if you stand by it .

Then one fine day Integrity and Honesty touches these corporates and they fire off people.  Initially i thought it was quite fine and right when people who get in with fake are not upto the expected standard they must be penalised.

But I was shocked to read of a leading company's statement.They say why did these employees fake it especially when they were competent enough to get it on merit. Well i guess it is they themselves and not the candidates who need to answer that.

And the answer simply would be that to even be considered for your interview you need fake.
What industry is expecting is perfect employees to use for their benefit but they are not mass produced. In fact in no industry do they exist these perfect employees.

Integrity is still available but i guess Integrity does not really equal smartness and what the companies need are smart workers isn't it?

Its one heck of an amusing thing simply put.

Many times we discuss and wonder how cool it is in the US to work when you want , if you want to or work part time . Esentially people work and take vacations have a life and come back. Is it feasible in India really.

Can you walk in to a interview and say well i passed out of college did a great job for 3 yrs took a break for 2 years had fun ,travelled and now i want a job again. Is it possible.
There may be exceptions(esp women who get married or had kids but even they get in with hubby or friends help even though they are quite good by  themselves ) but however competent you still may be after the break there is an assumption that you've lost it, your ability somehow at least in India.

HR people have these theories.
If you leave companies you are not stable. Well if all are stable how would you hire?

If you take a break and work or are not sure of your one great FAKE AIM in life(honestly how may have a real one in IT except earning money  which is unspoken )…you cant be reliable.(Assumption:for all you may leave the job any day to have another vacation- Ok confession - this aint an assumption I was asked this question once upon a time )

Can someone at 30 wanting to start a job really compete with a fresher though both are at the same stage of learning.
Its a absolute fact that youngster have more zeal will learn more and every company and country wants a young workforce but when you dont have the youth for it instead of cribbing about shortage cant we even look beyond.

I definitely am not for hiring  people who are sub standard for a given job but i wonder how many companies know what they are hiring for. Half of them stock employees on bench.Its sad to see freshers on bench. I would rather like a nice tired veteran on bench who can use the bench time to learn amd update slowly rather than the restless and raring to go fresher on bench. But yeah they hire the best in campus at times and put them on bench or make them do absolute useles work(some companies provide great recreation facilities though) and disillusion them till they fit into your regular job hopping IT employee type.

Another amazing aspect that HR people and companies keep gushing on is Employee referrals.
In fact I think that is the root cause of all substandard stuff.
You just have to observe with you eyes open when you wait in queue at inteviews. very interesting scenarios proceed. Actually some companies dont even advertise jobs all jobs are through employee referrals.

 Well what most companies don't get is Indians love their own and their own does not start with their company(Unlike say in USA). It starts with family , cousins , all other relatives and friends and then the company .
 So the first good they think for when they refer for the company is in the same order….family……

But then may be one good employee and they think its ok relatives means same genes so it will anyways be good is it…(hmm well i get ideas when i write).
Also that quote " Birds of a feather flock together"
But if that one employee is bad. Ah the theories.

There's another amazing aspect i have discovered from my experience in IT and ITES world.There is so much importance laid on English speaking and all that - so candidates and evaluators take communication as equivalent to speaking good english.
So candidates rattle of words and words of english some with a great accent but ask them to write a stanza, or even something like reading comprehension.

Half of the wonderful IT people do not understand simple IT requirements definition documents. …forget the strange one authored by the Americans.

They code great , i mean i envy their command over coding and memorizing mnemonics and keywords , I poor me who relies heavily on intellisense of IDE's….but do they really know what they are coding for.

Hell just ask some people to read a newspaper and some cant get it straight.Lets face the fact these crash courses in English will get you to speak good English may be but not speak what you wnat to convey and it will not develop your english. The best way to learn English or any language will be its constant use and reading something and assimilating it.

Thats why there's no point in saying "It's raining jobs! But whom to hire".
Its more like Its raining jobs and no one knows what and why to hire let alone how.
P.S:Well thank god i have a nice job - if not good job-else this post may

seem like the greatest crib…but heck thats why I blog.

Alchemist : A lookback

Alchemist : A lookback

 

I somehow recommend the book Alchemist to people . I wont say its a great book but its a book worth a read or some reads esp when you really start doubting  yourself, when you need to beleive in  yourself again against all commom sense.

People say its about love but i actully did not enjoy the love story in it all that much. The last part was too magical and over the top. Its the earlier parts which i admired a lot and liked the different perceptions like those of the crystal seller and the boy.

Whenever someone thanks me for recommending it i quickly glance through the book again and its refreshing.

Some of the best passages in Alchemist i felt are below
===================================================

The old man pointed to a baker standing in his shop window at one corner of the plaza. "When he was a child, that man wanted to travel, too. But he decided first to buy his bakery and put some money aside. When he's an old man, he's going to spend a month in Africa. He never realized that people are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of."
"He should have decided to become a shepherd," the boy said.
"Well, he thought about that," the old man said. "But bakers are more important people than shepherds. Bakers have homes, while shepherds sleep out in the open. Parents would rather see their children marry bakers than shepherds."
The boy felt a pang in his heart, thinking about the merchant's daughter. There was surely a baker in her town.
The old man continued,

"In the long run, what people think about shepherds and bakers becomes more important for them than their own destinies."
==========================================================
"Well, why don't you go to Mecca now?" asked the boy.
"Because it's the thought of Mecca that keeps me alive. That's what helps me face these days that are all the same, these mute crystals on the shelves, and lunch and dinner at that same horrible café. I'm afraid that if my dream is realized, I'll have no reason to go on living.

"You dream about your sheep and the Pyramids, but you're different from me, because you want to realize your dreams. I just want to dream about Mecca. I've already imagined a thousand times crossing the desert, arriving at the Plaza of the Sacred Stone, the seven times I walk around it before allowing myself to touch it. I've already imagined the people who would be at my side, and those in front of me, and the conversations and prayers we would share. But I'm afraid that it would all be a disappointment, so I prefer just to dream about it."

That day, the merchant gave the boy permission to build the display. Not everyone can see his dreams come true in the same way.
==================================================
"I've had this shop for thirty years. I know good crystal from bad, and everything else there is to know about crystal. I know its dimensions and how it behaves. If we serve tea in crystal, the shop is going to expand. And then I'll have to change my way of life."
"Well, isn't that good?"
"I'm already used to the way things are. Before you came, I was thinking about how much time I had wasted in the same place, while my friends had moved on, and either went bankrupt or did better than they had before. It made me very depressed. Now, I can see that it hasn't been too bad. The shop is exactly the size I always wanted it to be. I don't want to change anything, because I don't know how to deal with change. I'm used to the way I am."
The boy didn't know what to say. The old man continued, "You have been a real blessing to me. Today, I understand something I didn't see before: every blessing ignored becomes a curse. I don't want anything else in life. But you are forcing me to look at wealth and at horizons I have never known. Now that I have seen them, and now that I see how immense my possibilities are, I'm going to feel worse than I did before you arrived. Because I know the things I should be able to accomplish, and I don't want to do so."
It's good I refrained from saying anything to the baker in Tarifa, thought the boy to himself.

================================================

It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting, he thought
When someone sees the same people every day, as had happened with him at the seminary, they wind up becoming a part of that person's life. And then they want the person to change. If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

People learn, early in their lives, what is their reason for being," said the old man, with a certain bitterness. "Maybe that's why they give up on it so early, too. But that's the way it is."
. "In any case, it's good that you've learned that everything in life has its price
Sometimes it's better to leave things as they are, he thought to himself, and decided to say nothing. If he were to say anything, the baker would spend three days thinking about giving it all up, even though he had gotten used to the way things were

"The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon."
This candy merchant isn't making candy so that later he can travel or marry a shopkeeper's daughter. He's doing it because it's what he wants to do,

Who knows . . . maybe it's better to be like the crystal merchant: never go to Mecca, and just go through life wanting to do so, he thought, again trying to convince himself.
Making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision.
 

There are more but i guess its a small book and it makes no sense to put it all on the blog.

Some boring and yet amusing chitchat

With power cuts on weekends you really get some time to

wonder about the everyday chit chat we go through some by

necessity and some just by chance.

Last week sometime in tea break with the lead away ,the only 3 girls now in the team of three diff age groups (each 4 yrs older than one)sit together and try to chat up.We dont have much in common though in the worldly perspective pretty much the same.
Its  a boring chat sort of but when i look back on it with no power and from a dark balcony i am amused.

A electronics company had put up some television at our office for employees for the day and Baghbaan was playing we noticed.

Me: oh god now in office they play this
Su: Salman overacts a lot in this
Me: When does he not
B: yeah its like for granted

Su: Only in HAHK he was good
Me: No he was good in MPK too

Su : As movies increase they get this way
Me: yeah acting to overacting

B: But then Shahrukh too overacts frankly yeah
Su: Yeah but he's great in romantic movies
Me: True and it depends on the director to control, i

liked him in Swades.
Su: yeah but i did not like him in Don(plain obvious she

loved his romantic lines…ah but then dont we all)

Me; But i liked him in Don …i mean i guess i cant think

of anyone better
B: No no one than Amitabh
ME; yeah Amitabh is just him but other. Sharukh looked

most stupid in khaike paan banaras song.

Su:I even like KBC with Shahrukh
Me: yeah me too
B: No i dont, dont u think he's sarcastic

Me: Oh well that he has become even in interviews.

Thing was to me at least it seemed we all knew Shahrukh hams and has become sarcastic but we all remember our memories …the Sharukh Khan for whom first day first show was worth it(those days when you stood in lines of  theaters no multiplexes). ….for whose movies bunking college was cool.Now we dont care if we watch in theater - forget first day.

We were open to critisize him but we still love his flattering romantic lines ( forget kkkk kiran )and soulful eyes in Kuch Kuch Hota hai.(I avoid that movies these days like hell coz i simply keep finding flaws as i see more…that simple charm is gone with all this repeat telecast).

And then at home someday had watched koffee with karan and my sis and i laughed at how wonderfully both Hema and Jaya said Shahrukh with such certainity given different choices.
My sis was like how much women of that era love that flattering fellow. Well sure they do and so do we .
Some people may be good or bad  but you like to have such people about you.They have a charm about them - the people we call the life of a party ,a house , an office a generation or whatever.

And then i was happened to watch the last hour of Kabhie Kabhie somehow and yeah i love earlier part of that movie especially.
Amitabh looks so very charming….and well its a lovely movie.I just tell my sister kya angry youmg man ka tag laga diye usko. what a romantic young man he was in this movie.(I absolutely love to hear amitabh reciting poetry.)

My sister was like "kar raha na re ab romantic man movies amitabh ".I was like hmm demented romantic  is it…and we laugh.

At the end i just remarked such bold and charming touching movies yash chopra made then….and now he's gone reverse gear.Culture overload or absolute mass choice stuff.

Then the power went off in the eve and i had nothing to do but wonder at all these things and laugh at my own self.

The Light Of the Day

Last month i happened to read The Sea by Banville .Is that book a tough read? Oh god yes!!!. Firstly he uses off the world language then he uses long sentences with them and you find it actually tiring. I wont say i dislike the book. Parts of it had very beautifully expressed dilemmas and thoughts but in the end i still say its a very tough read and not to my taste or rather i am not upto its standard yet. It needs some higher powers to get across what’s being said i thought and yeah it drags.

I almost would have felt that these arty booker prize books were a bit too much for my simple feel it kind of reading if only i had not earlier read "The Light Of the Day" by Graham Swift.Its a book of some sublime beauty. I read it nearly a year ago but could not write about it.Anyways This is a book i find hard to write about. Its simply because its so touchingly expressed, and there are not many quotations kind of stuff or any wonderful thrilling happenings or the huge battles of emotions.

The first time one reads it it has that mystery to it so you never really catch the much subtle parts of it too much. But its a beautiful read. Very Simple and yet so very moving.I like it style of writing and also the way he uses repeat sequences of lines in a rhyming way.

Like

"She Bloomed"..................................."

But then She had bloomed".

When you start off reading fiction and you read famous authors in college Sheldon , Archer and all those and the way they write about women, you simply look at it as a story.Its rarely the same when men write about women and women write about women. Some thoughts make you look at it...really do people observe so much.

Like he observes

"Someone Someday should write about handbags, shoulder bags. May be they have. About how women cling to them, as if they're their closest friend when all else fails. The things that you find inside them (I’ve lost count of how many I’ve rifled through")

The book is a treat to read. It is written in back and forth format and u move seamlessly through them. Though as I said ,for the first time curiosity really can be a spoiler. Rarely do you have any suspense in books of this kind (based more on individual psychologies and how each persons behavior gets shaped inexplicably at times)but this one has just that little bit of criminal suspense in a way that really charms you.
One can read an excerpt here

"Something happens. We cross a line, we open a door we never knew was there. It might never have happened, we might never have known. Most of life, maybe, is only time served. "

" A Rebound: you were robbed and now you take. And are the young so easily damaged anyway, ......you're young only once and there is a kind of savagery in it." " The truth is we meet we part we go our way. There aren’t any laws, there aren’t any rules. We ' re not here to follow each other, to guard each others lives"

One of the finest writings i've read and i also read "Ever After" and have sort of taken to his style, though i am yet to read his famous book "The Last Orders"

Some nice reviews here.
Reviews themselves have their own charm i feel. You love sometimes to see some one love what you love or hate what you hate and best is when you suddenly see something when you read a review, something so very obvious but you just did not have that perspective.

Why i love the storm in the air

Ah….Yet to get over that wonderful line by karla in Shantaram
“i take everything personally….thats what being a person is all about”
That book seems to be the only nice thing i can think since quite some time.

But i found some lines of mine from a few days back fair enough to post.

Why i love the storm in the air
I don’t see the huts it demolishes
I don’t see the homeless shivering
I don’t see the trees uprooted
I don’t see the devastated look it leaves on civilization
What i see is what i feela rage against this very world
So i love the lashing rain on my window,
the gales hell bent on smashing the glass around,
and when its had its sayi see the fresh green emerging
the peace sought all around echoing
So i love the storm in the air

Shantaram:One Real Quote of a book

Some books are all about hype…and Some books are those hidden treasure that few savor. Then there are books that actually live up or rather deserve the hype.

Shantaram is one….Only other i thought so was Harry Potter.I know some wonderful chaps who never read the book and just saw the movie would call Potter a childrens fantasy hangover for adults.Ask someone who has read the book and not seen the movie.Some say there are other better writers and books….oh sure there would be , but would that mean Potter ain’t good.
Anyways this post is all about Shantaram - the book by Gregory Roberts i spent April 07 with.

If this books been hailed as a wonderful adventure and masterpiece it is every bit of it.Seems like i am having a voluminous book year. March was all about re reading that voluptous ” A Suitable boy” by Seth and now this.But well i am hardly complaining.

The books a treasure trove of quotes. In fact i so loved half of the lines in the book that id wanted to return the book to the library and buy it but i wish i could afford the prime space it would occupy in my meagre shelves.

Ok well they are clever lines, sad lines and touching lines but the best part for me is a whole part of it is in bantering talk between people, a genre that i love rather than a brooding or thoughtful narration by an author.

Be it movies or books where there smart clever wordplay i like it. Oh yeah its a weakness but yeah i enjoy it and thus if for nothing else just that makes the book special.
And if i was loving it soo much and wondering that only i thought so about it well nah i just looked up on orkut a community out there for it has put up many of the quotes(http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=627868&tid=9029383&start=1) I painstakingly wrote into my notebook so i can reread when i return the book. Funny but well great discovery.I’m glad cause i just cannot afford to put up all the quotes i copied or page numbers i marked. Its one heck quote of a book. Its better bought than borrowed .The book is set in Bombay and throughout it the author speaks of his love for the city. Amazing that at the same time so many books set in Bombay have come out. I’ve read Maximum city and while that in itself is a lovely book i blogged on, this one’s quite different. The perspectives and the eyes who talk you through are different.

In maximum city what the author talks of in real time we understand and feel cause its the city life and India’s own special madness but his thoughts , feelings and perspectives may not be as similar ….cause he speaks based on his opportune research and meeting with the set of people he weaved into stories.Maximum city is a very good book and marvellous insightful book but yeah Shantaram is much much more.

There’s enough about its story on the internet, how its based on a true story and why add my bit to it. All i can say is whether its fact or fiction it hardly matters. They are so interchangeable in there and its beautiful. Its not only a wonderful read , if one takes just the story its quite thrillingly told and yeah even those who only read detective and thrillers will sort of like it i guess, unless they are like those people who like things absolutely like pure action movies where nothing matters but the punch.

The characters have a charm about them…everyone i guess, its hard to take sides if you really have a heart.Karla is well, quite some character thats fleshed out and what i liked about the book was the way it simply withstood when all had changed.
As its said some people bounce back like say Lisa in it and some harden and its never the same.The way karla puts it
” I’m cold inside Lin. I like people and I like things but i dont love any of them- not even myself - and i dont really care about them. and you know the strange thing is , I don’t really wish that i did care“
It reminds of a cold heartless feel that sometimes overtakes one, though unlike Karla most people usually get over it.
But i think one of my favorite for the sheer practicality of it is the following .

” People haven’t stopped beleiving in love. They have stopped wanting to be in love. They just dont beleive in happy endings anymore. They still beleive in love, and falling in love but now they know that romances almost never end as well as they begin“

Shantaram is what most can never understand in real time, no one imagines or can really imagine that fear and all that prison torture and gun running etc, but everyone has their own hells and fears and prisons and when faced with them the philosophies we take to ,the arguments we put against ,and for ourselves are what one relates to and catches your attention.

Karla’s a very specially sketched character and of course for anyone who loves sharp lines its great but then i liked the way all her clever lines are waved away by Lin at a point in the book.In facts the main character is the person whose character is kept most subtle. All others kind of are so very sharp. Even the parts on the mafia are dealt as they are not like putting a glamorized look onto them. I liked the part where Lin’s poor friends refuse to take up job in the counterfeit passport making business, and its true such people exist. Some refuse for fear some,for principle .As i read it i wondered Who can be the judge of who’s braver, the ones who keep fighting every day for their causes or the one who give up and accept their fate.After all to accept the fate one needs to fight one’s own self or may be some people just hide from their own selves.
Another of those words that i’ve often thought of myself was this– because, there are always a small set of people i’ve known who are stupid or mean and even callous and yet i manage to feel sorry for them and cant hurt them at times in ways beyond me.

” Some people always manage to make us feel sorry for them, no matter how stupid or angry we feel about it later. They’re the canaries kind of , in the coalmines of our hearts. If we stop feeling for them when they let us down , we are in deep trouble”
Of course my own obsession with the book can also be attributed to another thing, the book uplifts the importance of freedom and how much of it can be rooted in the mind.”Freedom to say no”
There’s cynicism and an counteracting hope filled in every next line and you wander between them feeling and knowing the sheer truth of being a cynic and still wandering over to hope as thats what keeps one going on.
Not that i did not find flaws .Most unpalatable to me was his idealizing Prabaker’s village. Now anyone who’s been to a real village will know it ain’t all that pretty and filled with such wonderful sweet large hearted people. They have their own share of jealousies, killings and mean heartless criminals.Also some parts especially like the kano bear story and some stuff in Afghanistan seemed like could have been happily trimmed off.

But such things are so easily overlooked in such a gem.
Mira Nair’s making a movie on it i heard and like most , i do beleive movies however well made usually never live up to a good book.I’ve left out a whole bunch of quotes and yet such a voluminous post.Well its a really fine book….fact or fictions not my bother.

Some gems i typed but honestly there are much better ones on most pages.I need to re read the book. Reading it with an intention to finish it in 40 days was a bit too much. I read it only 10 days may be but i intend to enjoy it on some slow days of life again…sometime. For now though it was an exhilarating read.
“when we fall in love with someone our greatest fear is that they wont love us back,what we should fear instead is that we wont stop loving them.. “

” Personality and person identity are in some ways like co-ordinates on the street map drawn by intersecting relationships. We know who we are and we define what we are by references to the people we love and our reasons for loving them”

“Truth is a bully we all pretend to like “

“Only the anarchists trust human beings enough to ;et them work it out themselves”
“Some feelings sink so deep into the heartthat only loneliness can help u find them again.”

“sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears”

Its not more like you agree with most of whats in there but as Lin comments somewhere in there you like how its said.Thats a different charm altogether.

Some banter

I have been like too busy worrying about too many possibilities of worry in life and did not know what to pen down. So thought on penning some very strange non worrying discussions recently .
My dear sister has a way of sudden out of the world ideas and her memories of Hindi movies old and new are like superb.

So as we banter on about films here are a few for collection’s sake.I go to flower seller ask how much gerberas are he says each 20 rs. I quietly walk away .. At the bus stop my sis starts laughing to herself.I ask why and i get this…

“you know there was a movie called rajnigandha where the heroine wonders see i have two guys in my life…one brings ONLY flowers (they were thought of as cheap those days)and one guy brings such expensive gifts.Think sis in todays time what could heroine think like that …everyday flowers the bunch would cost the guy how much 12*20= 240 bucks everyday……how dare she rate him stingy or poor.”
I was left perplexed at her range of thoughts.

One day during KBC there was a questionwhat is ‘zalzala, in english. Usually i am right or rather expected to be right so no one even challenges but this day sis was like
“What do you say …i say earthquake” she says
I thought of the other option but rarely ever in academic questions she
is so sure. She insisted Earthquake. when she was proved right i got my dose of gyaan.

” You see thats why i say watch movies…..it improves knowledge…there was old movie of kimi katkar called zalzala and in the end earthquake happens and swallows up all the loot..”Gosh she is amazing

Then on a serious note one day this was our discussion.
“Hmm i dont like Ash and Abhishek” she says“Preity and Abhishek would make a great pair. She would bring so much life and bubbliness and add to them.”

I counter…

“No Aishwarya is right for that khandaan. quiet head bowed …..just what they want..and she gets what she wants security and name…. Preity is too lively and strong and these people would only ruin her spirit.They cannot add anything to her as a person…..”

I liked Amitabh but this whole fiasco ruined much of the personal admiration i had for the chap.
And so we banter about the people and things not affecting our lives cause there’s nothing much we can do about whats affecting it direct.

No Individual Rights - be it cricket/ Workplace

I did not want to write much on the Indian cricket drama…so sad it has been but yeah i am forced to for more reasons than one…because mostly when i hear it it seems less cricket and more Management stuff in general relating to workplace politics.

Like i saw walk the talk by Kumble and he spoke how just because a set of players go out for lunch or other places together does not mean they have a rift with the rest.

Well this is what i fail to convince managers of….why do we read up the management books of the west and apply them to ourselves miserably.
I m told one must interact with all the team members of a 40 member team well great ….cool but i do interact and help…but how in the world do you expect that 15 as in the Indian cricket team or 40 in say my team previously would hang out together and have fun.

Why do we have team building activities thrust upons us….playing ball and games will not make anyone like a person who talks shit or is a egotist or bores you with self falttery.
Yeah we work together comminicate and as long as i do that why am i supposed to be oh so chummy with them.

In fact in some cases may be i do appreciate the difference in the opposite person and admire it too but that still does not make me be chums with him/her because i may not fit in there.

Ever been a single sitting at team lunch among married people discussing kids and inlaws.It gets to you.
Ditto the opposite …ever been a busy married one sitting among a bunch of singles planning the next fun weekend.You hate it.
This is a way too simple example but there are many other reason why you have groups and will always be there.

Important thing is there should never be any disharmony about work and communication in general should be encouraged but that hardly means mass meetings at lunch or some games devised by a foreigner(read it as Self help books…Seven habits/ DeBono amd what not) with no knowledge of Indian sensibilities.

One or two day training or activities do not build a team…esp if the constituents are the real quiet people who are not very outgoing.
In fact i guess a better way was as in school they rotated the desks and so rotate the cubicles. At least with some time you know a person in general than as a game or a lecture tells you.

Things take time…oh yeah they do.But we like it all instant….well food can be …and so can be other things but with people instant stuff never works.

Next was the damned BCCI contract thing…..i heard about.

Isn’t it the same when the CEO of a business goes about acquisitions mergers and what not for business and money …well quite good…but the moment a employee resigns for money its not really seen in the same light.

How does an employer get a right to your personal time and space…..
Sack the players for bad performance …surefire…
but how can you take away their personal right to choose what they do with their personal time.
Next i guess there would be a clause in the contract….should not go out with any Bollywood actresses 1 month before a major series.
Its more like mothers telling children …sit at home and watch TV and rest the sun and dust is not good for you….and implementing it strictly.

Managers ask you why you need a leave where you will be….and no most projects we do insoftware are not some mission critical stuff where your lack of presence will drown millions or lives will be lost.

Managers want to be the first to know when you get married…is the guy from town…coz you may have to leave otherwise.

This whole Management lanaguage upsets you ……its apt they’ve started calling the new post a manager. Oh yeah professionals the great power point wielders.

Wonder if all Aussies stuff is to be followed by players why not go the whole hog and do what they did to Pawar.

Shove such politics and political people off and say Get moving!!!!

Some quite uncharitable and not quite right thoughts

These are some of my most uncharitable thoughts about the world's nicest things in general.They are my views as i see then standing where i am....they are nasty but yet i've never been able to think otherwise from what i've seen and observed. But lets start as the whole thought started ......its like some links strung by a strange thread and once the chain is formed one sees how strong the thread is that holds them together.

Across the web read some reviews of Nishabd (nah did not watch the moview)and some comments on them that made you wonder like real hard. They say a man of Amitabh's stature should not have done it...Why pray....Well its not right on his part to be like that...they say...hmm well point taken...but then i say ...its not right for him to have done Baghban...

I think a lot of what was defended by Amitabh in there was wrong. It was very well presented as if he was the grievously injured party but well..... Actually the scene was pointed out by my very own quick eye ...my sister coz...i usually dont notice much....She says hey what is the guy trying to feel bad about when people tired after working like slaves in offices want to have a good nights sleep the guy hammers on his typewriter and one is supposed to feel bad that he's asked to be quiet. he could have done that in the daytime .

But then that was a tailor made role for the ever right Amitabh...Actors and all uncles and aunt gush over how right and perfect his end of the movie speech was Welllll.
I wonder why the parents track of the suffering parents are ever missing in movies. Why is it not shown how wonderfully they managed to do time management between children office and parents.
Most movies show parents doting on children and they children grow up to be monsters who throw them out.....but while they were doting what about their own parents...is never shown.In fact the finest i liked in the genre was 'Kal aaj kal' wherein Raj Kapoor goes crazy by his father and son's demanding ways.And such is the position of most of todays' generation caught between two very radical generations.
This hardly means i feel one should not be considerate towards old people and be inconsiderate and throw then out....hardly but then dont the older generation also need to understand the changing realms of the world....that work ten years ago is not the same today.

When Dad came home those days work was like left at office ....can the same be said of work today...email cellphones and stress ...yeah people need to manage them true...but that needs support of the very people who complain of not enough care and attention.

Ok many things in there were over the board in the movie , esp hema malini's ever green concern which they add a track to justify .....but its fine as it was done with a good intention...is it???...maybe RGV says the same about Nishabd. Strange but could be true.(Some other time abt RGV's movies.)
The main point is what Amitabh or any great xyz does is his business and we are better off either enjoying it or shunning it...why claim rights over their choices.Why is he the custodian of our culture and morality. Sometimes i write why is Society so against individuality...but then i realise isnt Individual the opposite of Society.I guess thats about it.

Right and wrongs are based on the side you are standing, the view you have and the hidden and unhidden forces at play that create that view.
From where i stand and what i see i hate most charities.

General Charity...like those missionaries...So many of them get money and feed those half starving and about to die people food and clothing...and thats about it. They give them a life. How noble.But is living enough? Does happiness ...hope for a future beyond 2 square meals not count.
Ever seen outside melas , temples banks.....so many able bodies beggars....and people do their bit of charity by dropping a coin ...some even fifty to hundred ruppess and thats it. He still stands there for years after your regular deeds of charity .
Isnt't is more noble to give them the potential to earn food....no donations from businessmen dont help here ...jobs created by businessmen and getting some of these lazy people to work is noble. But thats not charity isn't it. Thats business...and we dont consider it much noble.
Animal Protection groups: Save them sure do i too like it...but when dogs become more important than humans you have to question?
I wonder if Maneka would say the same for dinosaurs too if they came to eat her. Ask her to come home at 10 in night in a dog infested locality and lets see how much she stands by her views.
Evironmental Issues: This ones my greatest dilemma....When i was a child used to watch some program on Sunday and yeah wished to be an environmentalist esp with my love of chemistry then. I love trees...i love forests...i despise those who fell trees but then i ask myself....
I live in a city with amenities and most of them cause pollution...then how can i prevent someone say from a village expecting the same and thus causing more pollution.Its like some one said US polluted all it could to become a dveloped superpower and now how can it prevent developing countries from doing the same. What exactly are the ethics of this argument. Very doubtful.

Save the girl Child...Ok done...Saved and she lives on...is that enough i ask again.
As i wrote previously tooWhy save someone to live a life of neglect , hurt and most importantly unwantedness.
Why grow a unfeeling biological specimen called foetus to a feeling humane being and then crush its spirit by reminding it at every point of that saved life - its deficiencies and its unwantedness.
Will the government or the womens groups make them feel wanted.....loved cherished.
NO...It is only when the one who bring her into this world want her can she belong truly to this world and live to be the wonderful being she was to be, does it make any sense to bring her into this world till then let em bury them.

Some SRT Nostalgia as Unfashionable as it is

This is something so precious a feeling i mostly wont put on my blog much....but came across a few posts and it brought back that overwhelming nostalgia and just for a memory of that feeling i write this post.This post is purely that nostalgic feeling .

Its been disturbing the way this whole campaign of drop Tendulkar drop Tendulkar is being conducted all round in the media....as much as you try to ignore it.Some use the reverse make him captain...ah more suitable to publicly humiliate...no please.

Oh well i do wish they drop him...at least for the Bangladesh tour please.So much unnecessary humiliation....lets have our young blood and lets see ....how fortunate this generation will be.
Its so sad how we love to put up a statue and then throw stones at it.

Our times were really fortunate...for all said and done we've had a wonderful time watching Sachin Rahul and Saurav until the media and finally Mr Chappell may seem to have succeeded in spoiling the whole thing.Divide and Rule someone said...Well!!!!

Watching Cricket has never been the same for me in the past 4 yrs since i started working but oh those days when i watched it....such joy was bestowed by this cricketer.

I came across the article by Rahul through Jaiarjun and can say i too share the same irrational feeling. Another link from the above blog to this lovely piece by Nirmal Shekhar.

Oh yeah drop him by all means but please don't negate or question the sheer happiness he brought to a few like us who unlike many remember.Yeah except this world cup the last 3 world cups it was he who shone and i remember it well enough.

Its true as pointed out by both “I could never be as EMOTIONAL about India as I have been about Tendulkar.”

I enjoyed it when Sehwag was hitting or Dhoni was slamming but it never
felt the same....i've never been emotional about it. It was good fun.But then they were the new heroes of the new set hooked onto contests and Mandira Bedi and what not..... not those who loved to hear Boycott and Harsha or even remembered those Henry Bloefeld Sharjah days of earrings.

Somehow rather than those multitude of Sehwag's or Dhoni's sixes the six i remeber best is the one by the most unnatural hitter of sixes...Mr Dravid to Allan Donald in South Africa.

Yeah this is all nostalgia. No ones asking this to be taken into account for our great team's selection and such high brow things but i do wish this demeaning and humiliation stops .

Don't worry he will retire he sure will later if not sooner and what a vaccum it would be ...nah not for cricket...it will find its own...but for the people and media who like to make gods and then malign them.

He is human ...... and thats why its so much more joyous.He is not the world's greatest cricketer anymore and may not be ( as hard as i find to say it) but he is someone who once brought more joy to more people than the world's greatest do even now.

some more blogs i read long ago and yet look back - and love
Like this

"We are really blessed to have been part of a time when we could witness someone like Sachin at full flow, and we are fully justified in flattering ourselves into believing that as long as he chooses to be around on the cricket field, there is a miracle round the corner, waiting to happen."

Ok many will quip ...yeah it did not happen the miracle.
Oh yeah...we don't believe in miracles as they say we actually rely on them -
so when they don't happen things go awry.

or this -

"Today, even though most believe he may not score many more 100s, should one doubt his intent? Questioning his intent is a slap at our belief and everything we once believed in. ........ And any good cricketer will tell you, the timings just not right. You either believe or you have never watched Sachin Tendulkar bat. Get a life. "

Oh yeah we sure had a good lifetime.

Oh well let me end this....rather than going on in my nostalgic drawl ...... thats why i stopped watching too much of the game ...last world cup in 2003 i got hooked again when i watched Sachin and was scared it would be repeated again in 2007 ..well if it were not for his probable last world cup i'd even bat an eyelid.....coz if without miracles pure cricket is to be considered India simply were never the best not even when they won it.
Its the miracles of certain days and some people that make this world so special.

A Nice Reply

There are times when you are so very lost in the wonder of something and someone or something so simply bring you back to reality .
There’s a quiet charm to it.

Read some lovely lines from somewhere and hence wanted to talk of it to a friend
——————————————–
Me: These lines are lovely isnt it
“Every novel is an equal collaboration between the writer and the reader and it is the only place in the world where two strangers can meet on terms of absolute intimacy.

I have spent my life in conversations with people I have never seen, with people I will never know and I hope to continue until the day I stop breathing.

It’s the only job I’ve ever wanted.“

You know what thats also the job that i want..you see i don’t even love writing in general(forget about code) as much as i love reading.But who would pay me for it hmmmm

Answer: True very true….and u know something…. lot of times… things that interest oneself are the ones which we have to pay for.

————————————————————

Ah i felt isn’t that what life and jobs all about…

Quite Nice an answer and i was out of my wonder of the lines as lovely as they were .

Weekend at Namastey London

As a movie it does not even give you a headache its simply unaffecting except of course in one or two parts where i was impressed…by the dialogues or the discussion.
Best was the argument between Rishi Kappor and his wife wherein he keeps blaming the wife for the daughter becoming as she has and the repartees by the wife are excellent about Indians in general and men in particular.

Parts where there is the statement how they want to live in a cleaner
London but want to keep up their own traditions.
The movie though at points is wonderfully honest…like when Akshay tells his father in law …that now that they are in London…he can’t do a thing …his own daughters complaint might land him in jail…pretty much implying that in India such complications are never an issue.

But other than that mostly its the same nationalistic triumphs and harping on India’s glorious past….and how foreigners can be never loyal and counted upon..and that love at first sight thing of Akshay in the movie sucks…and then that committed waiting….as if all Indian men would really wait for a runaway bride.

Somehow the movie reminded me of the book by Meera Syal…”Life isnt all haa ha hee hee”. rather than such movies about London or the expatriates i liked the realistic and ironic and comic potrayal of the trials , dilemmas and troubles faced by such. I guess there’s a BBC drama too on it.

The books showcases more deeply why a relationship with a foreigner or even someone from a different state or strata sometimes may really leave you regretting.
One beautiful example in the book is wherein Tania living in with a foreigner who’s quite nice and loyal but she observes how her friends husband calls her ‘Jaan’ and she misses it. For all that she has she misses the connection that word brings.

The different associations and falsities they live through.Best though i liked the way the character Tania in the book who pretty much never tries to look or be Indian in the traditional sense says……among people and places where they all try to find out about the exotic stuff and all associated with India…she says something to the effect “i don’t need to put in on or act it or learn it and prove it ….because i am the original…i am Indian”.

That is why the scope of books ever exceeds a movie but more than that these days whenever i see a movie i feel our new directors start off with a brilliant idea but don’t have the courage to follow it up and give in to the same tested formulas….hype jingoism and comedy for the sucking masses.I felt the same when i watched Honeymoon Travels. I
t was a nice story which could have been oh so much more and quite a few such movies these days which have some brilliant or honest part in them and then they get lost in the requisite ingredients of Bollywood.

Not that i dislike Bollywood formulas for a weekend fun if directed properly but one does wish that something more when you see a good idea.Takes time i guess…

Re reading 'A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth'

I first read it in a very beautiful setting a summer over 3 yrs ago in a university library with a individual table in between bokshelves beside a window overlooking the flowering bushes of mussandas.last month i got it from anothet library to home.My sister's amazed that i carried the heavy book to and fro to the library a journey of over an hour to re read it.

Its one of the most Voluminous books in literature and i honestly doubt how many people would have read it through end to end.Its way huge.But the wonderful thing is at no point while reading do you really regret its length..cause it does not drag, its pacy and moves in every page.

Its just that by the time you get to say part eight the delights of part two seem ages ago.

Its a book so very perfect for a TV Serial ...wonder why no has yet come up with it ...i did read somewhere about it being considered.I hope and imagine it will be like ne of those older Serials like Buniyaad or even Sailaab and not the Ekta's Glossies.

Somewhere i read Vikram Seth saying that Mrs Rupa Mehra was one of the best characters he created...well at least its as realistic as they come.She's even more perfect than Mrs Bennet of Pride and prejudice and so very typically Indian,
as that is how so many Indian girls may see their mother " so well meaning, and well wishing " but neverthless a strain on life and peace and cause of the most unintentional hurt.
The tantrums for attention, the constant worrying, the complains, the command...the overplay of social necessities and vanity.
Her inconsistency in judging people by how affectionate and respectful they are towards her shows a innocence that may be funny to read but very painful in real terms.

The subtle family and extended family politics ......the part of economics and emotion in the powerplay in families is depicted in such subtle ways without ever getting vindictive at any point.
That is why books are a delight they allow you to see so many sides views unlike lets say the umpteen soaps on Tv each on the same theme family and power politics but all have those black and white perfect and dark characters that it gets on your nerves.

Mrs Rupa mehra's association with the book Gita (i.e the the way she never bothers to understand or practice what is said but just values and worships it and reads it as its presence is a solace )depicts what really is the way relegion is actually practised as by most of our families - men and women.Its a center around which life can be lived and any problems one can comfortably recede into.

The book potrays people as simply on the surface as one can imagine and thats why its so long......only in parts it goes benath the surface ....because most of the time we live life on the surface by brushing under everything uncomfortable.
So much of the flash or alienness we feel about characters in many books is missing. Every character you would have either seen of can easily imagine.It is the small hidden stories in life we all live in in our hearts, in the evryday humdrum and bore of life.It is about compromises people make with life and its fallacies.

Some compromise easily like Savitha.
Some compromise with time tempered by life like Lata.
Some force the compromise as thats the only way of life ....like Mrs Rupa Mehra
Some never compromise and wander and even wither or harden away in heart ..... and may be life with deep pain in the heart.

The books is filled with instances how difficult it is to categorize humanity...the same people who have one set of values in one environment easily do the opposite in different.It depicts how time deeply affects people and their perceptions and their compromises.

One incident is when Prem Kapoor who is quite secular and will never allow his wife to have Ram Lila organized at home despite her repeated pleading would organize it after her death though no one asked for it.

Lata's thoughts about each of the suitable boys reflect somewhere how some people who have choices end up with what seems to many as a most unsuitable choice .The affections one feels has nothing to do with the most important business in life - marriage and ,somehow it takes Mrs rupa mehra and time and life to make Lata see it.

Its a nice read her plain inability to see Amit into anything tangible despite her liking for him and how she says he's too similar to me.

Her compromise to the extent of not even hoping that things would work out between her and Kabir after once being hopeful of eloping with him when she says "Ours won't work...No one will let it work" is a great effect of time .

When i had first read the book some 3 years ago i had pondered upon this as the real reason why arranged marriages happy happy or unhappy on the facade work as everyone who has anything to do with it wants it to work......the issues are negotiated compromises affected with whatever the humane price .
Quite the opposite of a marriage against the consent of the primary arrangers in a family wherein every every flaw is magnified , every misunderstanding is fuelled by people (who have innate resistance to individual decison instead of the collective) who as lata says "No one will let it work".

Mrs Rupa mehras' insistence on reading letters to her from Haresh her fiancee as a demand based on her affection, and goodwill as mother .

how she she fells deeply disrespected and countered by lata's simple refusal of that is comic but so very typical and true .

I could go on like the book does but then its a book with nothing new or daunting or anything that streches you mind.
Its a book about how one's simple ways complicate other's simple wishes....and why as is said in it
"Life isn't always a question of justice isn't it".

Of course as i blogged earlier one line that kinda stuck on in mind was way too simple "You can't run four runs everyday"

Its lovable as only simple things can be and re reading it in parts is a simple pleasure one can always have - if only you did not have to carry such a heavy load.

Our Cricket - Shakespearean Dramas

Time changes us some say
It does not it only unfolds us some say.....I am not sure and it surely can be a matter of another post but yeah times have altered perspectives truly.

There was a point in time years ago when half of what happened yesterday had happened. India were knocked out of the semi final in 1996....it was a moment for grief...it was funny how passionate one can be when young.Sort of remind me of those lines from the poem "Evening Solace"

But, there are hours of lonely musing,
Such as in evening silence come,
When, soft as birds their pinions closing,
The heart's best feelings gather home.
Then in our souls there seems to languish
A tender grief that is not woe;
And thoughts that once wrung groans of anguish,
Now cause but some mild tears to flow.

And feelings, once as strong as passions,
Float softly back ­a faded dream;

Well so yesterday it was sort of very cool this time ...somehow quite expecting them to lose...only some part of the old heart buried deep peeped out for miracles.
But reality sure was the flavor of the day and at no point was there any belief that India would be through...and the team did nothing to change that.
Sad part is unlike those days when some or the other unfortunate thing could be ascribed to failure...umpires ...pitch..here it was so plain blunt clear we were just not good enough. Something had somehow blunted out the passion of the whole team....Somehow i usually even in worst moments dont imagine Sachin out but felt so casually that it was gone and thats how it was - gone.

Somehow it seems fitting and actually good that India is out. The whole real passion has died out i felt ...sometimes i ask it it in general or specific to my being old enough to always reflect back on the older days.
I had only one reason to even bother to watch this world cup(huh bother ...there were times i dared not use such a word about watching cricket.) ...this would be the last World Cup of probably the generation of cricketers we grew up on.
Sachin Sourav and Rahul.I agree they did not do well here and if some
says drop them oh well please go ahead do it.

I just have one question in mind though ....and that is the matter of this whole post. Its a job for them in the end and lets say we do badly at our job at some time or actually most of the time......or rather not as well as say someone else is doing how many of us will go ahead and resign?

But yet we clamour that one should retire or give up.I too felt passionately many times esp in the past and do say stupid idiots when they ruin the whole day by some horrid stuff.....should be given one tight slap and other expletives but problem starts when one starts beleiving in them as super heroes.
They would be playing cricket in whatever way they can good or bad just like quitely our other sportspersons play their sports if we did not love them and the game as much...We put them up as heroes as there's nothing as easy because our lives lack them in reality but when they turn out as vulnerable as us we hate them with vehemance.

"They are responsible for a whole set of fans who suffer so many things and watch them and love them" ...
yeah i said that a decade ago.
I wonder to what extent today would one take as much responsibility for the job you work just because all team members and leads adore your work and depend on you...but something somehow needed presently were were beyond the capabilities possessed.

They are humans just like you and me ....and if you ask me a bit better than you and me...cause i am not sure how many among us can resist the huge temptations that are offered to this bunch of cricketers by us or in us the fans name by the real businessmen of this world.

This is not to defend their game but to defend their right to live beyond their job....
Yeah i still say they deserve to value their job a little more and keep up its spirit because after all how many of us have the fortune of having a job we love and enjoy.

One good thing about their losing is this....

This match despite so much money on it in the end was NOT FIXED...
why simple for anyone who watched it.
If India had won almost everyone would have somewhere ascribed it to being Fixed.
Whole day prior to the match i was sick of hearing ..."these bunch of jokers no good will lose if the match is not fixed."

Yeah Sad a relatively(this word is very important) nice bunch of cricketers who gave us joyous moments once will retire without fulfilling dreams....... neither theirs(honestly even a cricketer who might be a match thrower sometime would like to win the world cup once
cause that is the dream you begin career with) nor our dreams fulfilled.

I guess thats why so many writers say cricket is the closest to Life in its intricacies and fortunes...and its Tragedies....and Comedies.

And India Pakistan take it somehow to the heights of Shakespearean Drama.Woolmer's murder confirms that.........Its unbelievably tragic......and somehow so very Shakespearean i guess.

Flowers of India....

There are somethings you come across once in a while and you feel so much gratitude and happiness. They are such simple and silly things some may say,....but neverthless
I had already blogged about how i wished to find about names of certain flowers i see esp the local names and so on here.
In those days i probably spent hours and rupees of carefully allocated time and money on internet searching for something like this and never did find it.Sometimes i used to look them in the University library but how mch can you find in a university thats more a technical one. Then last month i found the site http://www.flowersofindia.net/ by sheer chance . Its a lovely site and it wonderful to see some on compile it so lovingly.Flower names in Indian languages with pictures.

Like it was so nice when i saw that blue flower i often looked at and wondered what to call ..... it is called "Aparajita" or Butterfly pea.Sadly very few people know the Indian names . We are so used to the names we read in English.

And one tree i always wanted a snap beneath but never seemed to happen somehow is this very pretty Amaltas. Its so very pretty.

Or there's a flower that i sort of loved a lot as it has memories of my childhood. The harsingar or Parijat...the orange white flowers we used to pick when we were children.
There's this stupid fantasy of standing beneath it while they fall down all spoiled by my friend when she remarked...oh there are way too many worms and insects in that tree they all will fall too. Now i'm too scared to try anything like that ever.
But In the last home i lived there was one just outside the gate and every morning i used to find my path strewn with them.
Here's a pic i took then.Hmm i miss em......

Its so wonderful to be able to put in such effort and come out with such a site. It looks like nothing much but i am sure it gives immense personal happiness. Just seeing the site made me quite happy.

Some Tickly observations

This weekend seems to be dissapearing nowhere lazily browsing around and and wondering at the ironies.
On the eve of India's WC match i casually said arre ab bangladesh ke saath dekhna bore hoga...my sister remarked instantly "how dare u say that about india. They treat everyone equally" .
When around the 20th over i switch off the TV confirmed about the disaster awaiting and say to her u should be careful about speaking all my sister has to say is "indian hun indians ko jaanti hun" hmmmmm
During the 1994 World cup i remembered during the time when semi final matchups were not clear my friend had remarked arre if its Srilanka in the Semi Final then cup is sure fire India's . Haaaa we still remember that line....never again anyone spoke as such for Sri lanka.
Just as SriLanka was in those days nurtured by India slowly... so are Bangladesh too being nurtured into International Cricket by India...Definitely.

Tickle's been huge fun at times for me and i sort of agree quite a bit...esp on stuff i wouldn't admit easily like this one
What Are You Afraid Of?
you are most afraid of moving forward
This means that your fears are strongest when it comes to change, success, or personal commitment. When you are afraid of moving forward, you are allowing yourself to stagnate in your comfort zone.
This fear may manifest in myriad ways, but at its center is the sense that you're either unwilling or unable to get to the next level in life. You may have grown up feeling that good is always followed by bad. Or perhaps you subscribe to the belief that what goes up must come down. Whatever the reason, when things are going well — or even just all right — you would probably prefer to maintain the status quo than to take a risk. You might fear that one false move could take away all the happiness and security that you've worked for. You may also simply be afraid of facing the unknown. When forces outside of you push you to change, your tendency can be to become overwhelmed or to stay in denial.
Love or money
When it comes to love or money, you're a Romantic Realist
Love over money is a no-brainer for you because you're a Romantic Realist. But no matter how smitten you are, you know love doesn't pay the bills.
Your monthly budget, diversified portfolio, and penchant for bargains may sound predictable, but it doesn't mean you're not afraid to take a risk every now and then. Whether it's your new leather pants or that brooding stranger in the corner, you are entitled to your treats. But for you, true love is a long-term investment that has nothing to do with the trust funds and everything to do with trust.

Oh well some common wishes

well I happened to mention to someone that i have lots of materialistic wishes left and hence not
yet feel like charity . ...which required an explanation......
Well actually i am quite uncharitable why will be a seperate post.

So as they say time changes everything so here for this time what i think are my materialistic
wishes.
Firstly i ask myself am i materialistic ....well not exactly i know
but i wish i was ...life is so simple that way.

I am soo swayed by emotions ......and to have it my hearts way if i can which is mostly never
i try swinging it using all logic...thats the way i seem to have become these days.

Materialism if if only if that were the only thing is so simple and defined.

Anyways what is materialism ...is it being money oriented...Well lets put it my way as of today.
Its not money that is loved...its is the sheer ease of life it brings in so many ways especially
in a country like ours.
Money buys you the most inavaluable thing of all "TIME"
of course more so if dont spend the time earning it...huh sadly its not so in my case.

Money allows you to hire a cook a maid and hence time and energy saved.
Money allows you travel with ease esp if you dont even have to drive again time saved.

Actually money even saves you the trouble of being charitable...they just deduct a small part
from your salary and you are contributing to charity(How terrible can corporate culture
get....if ur not interested remove your name from list on the intranet....huh as if one is going
to do that )

Now in the Time saved if you love to doze off or watch prettier things in this world instead of
making this world a better place done by charitable people in that time saved you are
MATERIALISTIC i guess .

All the materialistic things specifically i can think of is a lovely house which i wish to spend
a lifetime filling with all the pretty little things i love to shop around.

I used to have this dream of a very small house with a very big garden...with the real estate
prices the way it is its sooo far off. Hard to own an apartment forget a house with garden wellllll.

I'd love to just wander and travel all around the world....or live in some nice beautiful cottage
in the flowery hills(ok thats a straong Ruskin Bond stories influence)......
and this needs money yeah yeah you can go around the world in just a few dollars or whatever but
i mean for real without looking like a freak which needs what MONEY.
Money means you avoid nosy neighbors , colleagues who need explanation of what and why
where you come and go and offending them is a strict no no due to family and that extended
family called Office.

I dont add my absolute crazy idea of owning books almost like a library with glass shelves
ahhhhhh...this just doesnt seem materialistic in anyway ...books cant be associated with
materialism no not in my mind.
And anyway i will fulfill that dream anyway one day though with my progressive myopia(Doctors
they are the most scary people in this world to me with the terms they hand to me) how much i
will be able to use them by then is another thought.
But i trust in science as well miracles so that should be just fine.


Of course to each their own .......
My sister really beat me to it when after quitting her job standing at the balcony she said.”You see that building i m sure that is a office stupid people why did they not build it fast so that i could have tried a job here...i'd have worked for a few bucks less. So nice so near to our house.
Come home for lunch have a sleep and go....kya life hotaa..
I dreamt of this since school days when schoolmates living behind school used to go for lunch.”
The kids been as lazy since ages then its proved....but she made a wise choice unlike me
HR is the place to be for such wonderful dreamers like her.

Weekend Browsing around

I have a very good habit... whenever i have to meet a friend and then
plan how to spend the time i usually prefer to set the meeting point at
a bookstore or mall with a bookstore. It saves me a hell lot of
impatience and irritation with my friends because most of them are
lazier than me and never come on time. Rather than calling them and
asking them to hurry up or feeling bad about being stupid to turn up on
time and wait...i actually make myself so comfortable in the bookstore
that even if they don't turn up my day has been well spent.

Such was the case this weekend. As i browsed around the bookstore...it has been long actually this time...since my last visit to a bookstore.

So i looked up all the new books ...i always try following a pattern but thats about it TRY. my eyes sort of never want to do it so methodically...they love an absolute quick scan and then wander around to their interests. Books with lovely covers...interesting themes or reviews i'd read about.
The new cricket world cup book shaped like a ball and such stuff in new arrivals.

I also have this so very queer habit of a very stupid game i play with myself. Close your eyes and open a page and whats the first word or line you glance(I used to try this on the dictionary at home earlier). Anyways a book which has been praised a lot i guess i will look it up some day is " The Last Song of Dusk ' by Siddharth Dhanvant Sanghvi...I'm delaying it mostly because it seems so exotic but i tried my little fun on this book there.

It was a lovely line which i read goes something like the below...i've forgotten the exact line
" may be thats what Innocence was meant for - to be lost and may be that is how love essentially is - something to be longed for "

I guess i agreed quite a lot and liked it enough to decide to read the book at the first chance .

Then for the moment i started off reading "Inspite of Gods" in there...again a interesting book...i mean even the title is nice Inspite of....

You really have to know Indians and India well to use that word INSPITE ...they succeed inspite of all oh so many things....not because of them...though after success we always say the reverse....."that it is the GOD ...that it is the well wishers and good intentions of all and sundry".

Hmm finally i wandered off sometime into the Glass and candles and such artifacts segment...my favorite. I do love clear glass and all the shapes its moulded into..something again i feel crazy about with no specific definition.
God bless those people who once in a while let you wander in peace without that wonderful gesture " May i help you ".

Then at last arrives my friend and she just has to ask hows life and i start off all the dramatic stories of my professional pains.
Finally i realise we had met actually to discuss her side of the story and so i keep my mouth shut and she tells her tale....ah well its the same with a different twist.
Then we wander off into a artifacts expo and i feel like immersing all my hurt in the beauty of the oh so many lovely things and i shop...well i look more than i shop...and its a torture for my company at such places...she inevitably says...you are worse than me at such shopping.

I advise her to leave for the day ...as i'll spend some more time...she's so nice not to leave me but i oh so wish she did...as we leave half way through.
My sister at home adds the perspective to it. well your friends dont know you love to wander off and browsing/shopping all alone and so may be she'd have been imagining how bad it feels to leave a friend and go and hence did not go but you have such strange ways. Ummm yeah.

This year though is gonna be very lonely i had though at the begining and it sure seems to be going on the same way.Friends move on to different places...different worlds...i'm moving on ...
or rather should move on.

Not all who wander are lost....not all who are lost wander i guess

I am amazed at people who remember every joke from movies seen decade ago and actually it seems the only timepass for quite some....an evergreen rehash of the jokes esp in regional cinema. I feel inadequate to comment on this being good or bad them but yeah a whole of them are not to my taste. I mean relating every thing in life to some movie comedian.
I saw some last hour of this movie and well it was a nice one of a different era. What i remember
is though some of the last lines of the movies. rarely do i remember dialogues from movies or
even books. Some just strike a chord......and just stay on.
One was this from the movie "Monalisa Smile"

Not all who wander are aimless
"I've heard her called a quitter for leaving......an aimless wanderer. But not all who wander are aimless. Especially not those who seek truth beyond tradition...... beyond definition..... beyond the image."

Re-read this again and considering my aimless feeling it sort of touches.I deny that i seek some
great truth or want to make a difference but yes i wander in my own spheres of mind,aimlessly in
this very sharp aiming world for some reason something beyond my words.......some thing that i
seek out beyond what seems traditionally perfect..it is not selfless...in fact it is something
very selfish.At least ive been very clear on that in the past few years of my life.Yeah i seek to wander out but when i cant in reality i seem to wander in my mind and hence have been aimless.
Anyways that led me to the original quote...thats the charm of google for me
All that is gold does not glitter,
not all those who wander are lost;

Another very nice point i pondered upon......

Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one's
self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance,
learn so easily; and why older persons, especially if vain or important, cannot learn at all.-Thomas Szasz,author, professor of psychiatry

Why even even the best after a point stagnate.Self esteem's not a bad thing to have unlike a
super ego but for learning further yes even self esteem may be need to be sacrificed at some
time......only point here remains how much and of what you are willing to learn.Ignorance can be bliss in oh so many cases....Learning is painful.
Choices...its all our choices....
to be meek, nice to others and lose oneself...to be kind and get pained....
to be brave for oneself and may be hurt others.......
to give up a lifetime's peace for a moments charm.....
to give up own dream for a chance to be a part of someone's dream.......
to wander...to lose....to be aimless.

Hyper emotional day

You tell yourself that you’re professional

You’ll take things in your stride

You seen quite enough of corporate workplace/jargon

You’ve gotta give it straight to them

And yet if you’re emotional

You just are it

After a whole range of self motivating nonsense

You know it when you almost

Have a lump in the throat due to being upset during an appraisal meeting.

No one knows and would know that its actually an after effect of

The messy past week in my life and not this bloody appraisal discussion.

But heck why did it have to be triggered at that moment.

Probably that’s why I don’t practice this useless nonsense of telling myself all’s gonna be well when it isn’t.

It all comes off pouring out at all the wrong moment and then you seem so stupid and vulnerable.

I hate myself 2 hrs after being in those ultra emotional moments. But it’s the way I’m wired. Too old for change….But aren’t old people supposed to get calmer and have a hold on their emotions. Hmmmmmm

Areas of improvement: Positivity among many more

Sure Sure I need it because if had that honestly I doubt I would have been sitting there, I ‘d have gone out and found a positive response but I lived on with my fears my negativity …not that the events in the past week have helped me be any more positive.

But I hate myself …… heck how could I be so like deeply hurt and emotional….talking with people whose business is to be unemotional in the most emotional way.

Reasons

After my fiasco's in the past month of useless strain and much more
everyday rigmarole at home of being good for nothing ....except hanging on with the PC

You need a reason to live....is thrown at me indirectly esp at home..... you need to be good something or at least strive relentlessly
for being that ...after all trying is what matters say people.

Ok so what you are good at is what i ask myself.....
Well ummm being good at nothing disqualifies you for life is it???

I am working for a living or to secure a living when i probably wont

even be able to do that...there's nothing i love about it.

No i never wanted to be great anything...engineer/team

member/friend/wife/mother/friend/daughter
not even a great writer if you ask me as much as i love books.

I dont want to be at the center or at the front bench anywhere
dont want to be noticed , commemded and such.
I dont want to leave any footprints on the face of this world...if

possible i want to erase mine.
I have no grand dreams....no vison of transforming this world.

And yet i live....

Sound Monstrous well almost...

A reason to live...is what i am supposed to look at

Well i've tried some but what do you do when you just don't feel like

them.
Do self hypnosis like...no i want to be great...
i will be good employee/daughter/citizen this / that...thats

ridiculous..its like the same high people i guess feel having some some

drugs....i am wonderful kind of feeling
why manipulate what you feel.....

I am what I am
Why do we need reasons.......
is whats beyond me ..........
but well so many things are way beyond me

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Anyways a beautiful line i remembered from somewhere

Mana ki is jahan ko na gulzar kar sake
Kuch khar kam to kar gaye guzre jidhar se hum

[ Accepted that i could not make this world a beatiful flower garden

but did decrease the no of thorns on the path i walked ]

A few notes to remember

You just know it when you had a disastrous interview .....
Well at least i do .....
....they were quite nice....i was like terrible

Well neverthless i needed it....
it was a reminder
go where you are good at....
not where its good to be.

I attended another which was kinda better but i simply lost it at the end as the requirements did not match the expectation and the resume. They dug up the skill set too much.
6 yrs ago difference between abstract class and interfaces was like u could speak half asleep....now its like i blanked out.I remembered it while returning in the auto.

As it is i lack memory and these thing simply blow me over...
its dead hard to memorize the simplest things....
even the code to click a button.....ha ha ha.

Also i remembered that however good something might have been they dont last....Nothing lasts forever....not even Sidney sheldon....whatever.

And when things arent good just drift....
it doesnt help to fight with a retarded memory and mental agony.

So now that after this disaster i,m home taking a leave
what do i do...make notes of this kind post em and do what ....


Hmmm like
its been so long since i blogged a piece in general that i like rather than my sob stories

Lets think of some better things

This would be the last world cup of probably my generation....STARS at least.. i still have that Outlook issue from college days almost 2 world cups back i guess or less. One with Sourav Sachin and Dravid as Trinity.....Ha Haaa how things've changed...and how i have...i still have not seen the schedule completely this time aur ek zamana thaa ki i almost had it by heart.


Its been sooo tiring this nonsense of trying to memorize code that its been soo long since i read what i love .....Fiction.
So go open that bulkiest of bulk books by Vikram Seth which i read once a whole week sitting in the library of a university i enrolled for PG diploma in communcation .And relive that fursat ke din.....well not fursat may be but well you could make time.